That’s Cool

A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then it became tiresome, and finally, when the man had important guests, the bird’s bad words embarrassed him very much.

As soon as the guests left, the man angrily shouted at the parrot, “That language must stop!” But the bird answered him with curses. He shook the bird and shouted again, “Don’t use those ugly words!” Again the bird cursed him.

Now the man was really angry. He grabbed the parrot and threw him into the refrigerator. But it had no effect. From inside the refrigerator, the parrot was still swearing. He opened the door and took him out, and again the bird spoke in dirty words and curses. This time, the man opened the door of the freezer, threw the bird into it, and closed the door.

This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door and removed the very cold parrot. Slowly the shivering parrot walked up the man’s arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very frightened:

“I’ll be good; I promise… Those chickens in there… what did they say? ”

***

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy … then they turned the page. On the second page was written…

For 95 points: Which tire?

***

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.

The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”.

“How do you know?” asked her father.

“She didn’t say anything.”

**

Confucius Say

Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, may get titbit.

Man who lays woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, both lead to undoing of fly.

Man and mouse alike, both wind up in pussy.

Man who sucks nipples, makes clean breast of things.

Woman who dies a virgin, sure to be laid in coffin.

Baby conceived in back set of car with automatic transmission, grows up to be shiftless bastard.

Man who lays girl on hill, not on the level.

Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.

Girl who marries detective, must kiss dick.

Virginity like balloon, one prick, all gone.

Blonde girl has black hair by cracky.

Girl should not marry basketball player, he dribbles before he shoots.

He who cooks carrots and peas in same pot, not very sanitary.

Kotex not best thing in the world, but next to it.

Man who marries girl with no bust, have right to feel low-down.

Girl who rides bicycle, pedals ass all over town.

Man who pee in cash register, find it runs into money.

16 thoughts on “That’s Cool

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Hahahaha at all of these. College students think they are so smart!

    Like

  2. BrainRants says:

    I need a foul-mouthed parrot.

    Like

  3. whiteladyinthehood says:

    You’re kinda twisted, Archon….(I think your jokes are getting dirtier…)
    I did laugh, though!

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Had to have something for Rants. I’m composing another, more innocent one, for next round.
      Your card and coins arrived today. Many more thanks! Hawaii quarter is already mounted and awaits only LadyRyl’s steady hand to Sharpie-label it.
      Second coin is Oriental of some sort. I do better identifying coins with Roman lettering, or even Cyrillic. I take some with me to the Farmers’ Market, to a coin/bills dealer. The last Oriental one I took to him, he had me go outside to a Mayan-looking guy who busks with a pan-flute, and sells the occasional CD. He apparently is a foreign-coin collector also, but has an encyclopedic knowledge. Took one look, and said, “South Korean!” :)

      Like

      • whiteladyinthehood says:

        You are welcome, Archon! I’m just glad you’re happy.
        (and remember you gotta keep the Korean coin for good luck, and so you won’t ever forget about the chick from the Hood)

        Like

      • Archon's Den says:

        I am so honored to have such a good friend – whom I’ve never met! Unless and until Alzheimer’s takes me, I could never forget you. :D

        Like

  4. Mrs. Meegs says:

    I like the Penn State one :)

    Like

  5. benzeknees says:

    Some chuckles there!

    Like

  6. Daniel Digby says:

    …and man who sit on jellyroll get ass in jam.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s