I’m Too Duh-mb For My Shirt

The chances to watch the stupidity of some of the members of the human race are everywhere. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry sometimes.  The local paper has an automotive section in the Thursday edition mostly about current and soon-to-be-released vehicles.  I still drool and dream over the weekly motorcycle article.  On the tonight show each Monday night, Jay Leno usually has a bit he calls “Headlines”.   This week, he showed an ad for a motorcycle for sale.  Well, it actually read “Modersickle”.  Oh dear, is there a special school for morons?

The automotive section includes an article with photo of “Classic Cars”.  I love the old stuff.  I know the new ones run better and are safer, but the old ones had an élan and joie de vivre, before they all became indistinguishable corporate cookie-cutter clones.  I have my advancing age thrown in my face when the weekly *Classic* is from 1994, instead of 1944.

The duh-mb comes from the Question and Answer column.  People write…well, probably email, this ex-mechanic to get him to solve their automotive problems.  For a while, it seemed every week there was some kind of scam operator, trying to use the leverage of the power of the press, to force a business to accept a losing proposition.  Things like trying to force a tire shop to replace all four tires under a two-year warrantee, when they’d been driven two miles up a logging trail for a bush party.  Do they think an experienced mechanic and paid problem-solver won’t find out?  Oops!  Damn!  Sorry, I used that word again.

One guy owned two cars, and took the backup in to a shop to have the spark-plugs changed.  An apprentice removed the old plugs and, in doing so, broke one off.  The car was not ready for pickup when he came back, but they said they would call him when it was.  They thought they might have to take the head off, to get at it from underneath.

The letter rambled on and on about; why did they let an apprentice do this labor?  For the money I’m paying, it should always be a licensed mechanic!  I’m afraid that they’ve done some damage to the car, and they’re holding it for ransom to make me pay for their mistake.  It’s been almost two weeks and they haven’t phoned.  Can you help me get my car back?

The reply was; if you insist that it always be a licensed mechanic, the apprentice will never get to train, and eventually we’ll run out of licensed mechanics.  About damaging your car; they managed to get the plug out without dismantling the engine, so no damage was done.  About holding your car for ransom; apparently the cell-phone number you gave them was not in service and they had no other way to contact you.  The car has been ready for you for over a week if you’d bothered to contact them, instead of me.

Another genius wrote to say that he wanted another chip-encoded key for his car.  He complained that the dealer wanted almost a hundred dollars for one, so he bought one off the internet for ten.  He sent a picture of the key and said that he was having problems coding the new key to his car, what was the problem?  From the picture, the mechanic told him that the problem was that he had bought a non-chip key, and no matter how much he tried; he would never be able to code it.  He should keep it as a spare, in case he ever got locked out, and go to the dealer or a locksmith, and buy the correct one.

I watched an online video recently.  If I’d thought to record the web address I could include it here, or, since the wife and I are learning about linking and inserting, I could show you or let you watch it on your own.  Perhaps another blog.

The gist is; a mid/late-twenties male and his girlfriend, in a car.  He says, “Jenny, I’ve got a math question for you.  If I’m driving at eighty miles per hour, how long will it take to go eighty miles?”  She goes off about how she’s a jogger, and she jogs about nine miles an hour.  Well, if she pushed it she could probably do ten for a while.

“Jenny, if I’m driving at eighty miles an hour, how long will it take to go eighty miles?”

Well, truck tires are bigger than car tires, and you always accelerate hard when you start.  Is this on a level surface, and is the wind behind us or ahead of us.

“Jenny, if I’m driving at eighty miles an hour, how long will it take to go eighty miles?”

This is a trick question, because you probably know a shortcut.  I can’t run that fast, and you won’t let me drive.

“Jenny, I’ll tell you the answer.  It would take an hour.”

No it wouldn’t!  You always drive faster than that even though the truck tires look like they’re going really fast.  I bet it would only take forty or forty-five minutes.

It’s obvious that he’s not keeping her around as a coach for his Jeopardy appearance, and therein lies the problem.  I know we have to let them vote, and drive, even if he won’t let her, but is there some way to keep them from breeding the next generation of duh-mbs?



17 thoughts on “I’m Too Duh-mb For My Shirt

  1. whiteladyinthehood says:

    “Modersickle” – that is sad but funny as hell….that’s probably how my grandma would have pronounced it…


  2. Jim Wheeler says:

    Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
    A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.


    • Archon's Den says:

      It’s like my comments about Newfies and Polacks a while back. No matter how dumb the joke is, at least one of them has done it, even if most of the rest are appalled.


  3. Perhaps not quite Darwin awards, but instead a compelling argument for eugenics? Dangerous territory I know since that’s where hitler got his start, but sometimes one can’t quite help but be appalled by the sheer stupidity of some people.


  4. It’s funny reading or hearing stories like that. It’s not so funny when you have to deal with the idiots. Nice one ,Archon.


  5. Unfortunately the answer to that question is a big fat NO, because stupid people will always always be allowed to breed. They don’t don’t want us to think for ourselves. They want us to just listen and obey the master, whoever the master might be. Kind of sad when you think about it.


  6. Archon's Den says:

    As Freud once said,sometimes a smart-ass comment is just a smart-ass comment, not a call for a cull. It’s like smoking. Your right to be insufferably stupid ends, when it reaches my nose. Hitler??! Damn! Has the discussion degraded that far already??


    • um, is this comment meant for me? Sorry did I bring up the H word too soon? I merely meant a slippery slope, at the bottom of which Hitler lies. Perhaps we can find a compromise and simply require people to take a test, kinda like a driving test, to determine whether they will be adding anything of value to the gene pool. I know human rights advocates would string me up for saying such a thing, but hey….it’s the internet – if you can’t make offensive remarks on the internet, then where can you?

      And yes, I believe Freud did say those exact words. Nice quote! 😉


  7. Rick says:

    Unfortunately idiocy has, and likely always will exist to one degree or another. Fortunately, survival of the fittest no longer strictly applies to the /physically/ gifted.


    • Rick says:

      Well, in the general sense at least. Traits can vary in value depending on the time and history, I suppose. It’s just that in our current day and age there seems to be more celebrated intellects than there has in the past, with perhaps specific points excluded – Rennaisance, Greek philosophy, and Mayan mathematics, etc… the exceptions basically. Ok, I’m done waxing idiotic, myself. 😛


  8. Stupidity is part of being human. It once took me an hour and a half to answer the question ‘What’s heavier, a kilo of bricks or a kilo of feathers?’ Doh!


    • Archon's Den says:

      Damn the metric system! We used to be able to ask, “Which is heavier, a pound of gold, or a pound of feathers?” Feathers are weighed in avoirdupois pounds. Gold is weighed in troy pounds and ounces. Troy ounces weigh more that av. ounces, but there’s only twelve of them to a troy pound, making a pound of feathers actually heavier.


  9. Nicole says:

    You asked whether to laugh or cry at the stupidity of some people. Laugh, always choose laughter first. Otherwise you will find yourself crying most of the day.


  10. I hate to be kind of mean, but working in retail has given me a lot of experience with stupid people – working with them, for them and serving them.

    There’s a movie called Idiocracy, about a guy who gets cryogenically frozen in a military experiment. He’s chosen because he scores perfectly average on every test. The experiment gets shut down, but they lose the pods, so he doesn’t wake up for 500 years. In the meantime, intelligent people are putting off parenthood for various reasons, while the less intelligent are breeding like rabbits. When he thaws, he’s the smartest man on the planet. It was a dumb movie, but I can’t deny that it really made me think about which direction we’re headed in.


  11. sumairg says:

    A Lancaster Locksmiths arms are his lot of money, so he would wear Marigolds while he discusses the recipes. He discovered an invisible stations behind one of the loads of paper and connected it in to pay attention to while he performs. The cooking area area cabinets are dirty too so he gives them a excellent clean before placing away his recipes.


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