Innocent Till Proven Christmas

Bah, F***ng Humbug!

Ebenezer Scrooge was a piker….an amateur….a poseur who was seduced, and relapsed.  He had no determination or staying power.  If you want to know all about hating the Christmas season, just climb up and sit on my lap little boy….or girl, I’m an equal opportunity pervert, and I’ll tell you how it really is.

A 26-year-old man was arrested and charged in Germany for being drunk in a public place, and causing a disturbance.  He allegedly lurched his way through the playground of a public park, and told all the little boys and girls playing there, that there was NO SANTA!  Well, they were just kids, and little children shouldn’t be disappointed, but I understand his displeasure, and how he probably got that way.

Christmas is great for children, and families.  It’s wonderful to get together with friends and relatives, and enjoy the love and support.  You know what’s not great??!  The rest of it!  The very fact that I’m blogging about it now should give you a hint.  Christmas is a beautiful day.  It used to be just a day, then it was a period, then it was a season, now it’s a juggernaut of an industry.

I’m all for peace and love, and getting together with friends and family….on Christmas!  If you need a few days before or after to wrap presents or prepare food or stay and visit, I’m cool with that.  If you need some extra time before to go shopping, I understand stores’ need to advertise and promote.

American stores sneaking north of the border to infiltrate Canadian shopping patterns have already brought us Black Friday, without the Thanksgiving Thursday to go with it.  I’m too lazy to do it, but if somebody else wants to start a drive limiting the time for Christmas retailery and feelgoodery, I’d sign up in a second.

I would think that the first of December would be an acceptable date.  Black Friday is already pushing things.  If it stopped there, I still wouldn’t bitch too much, but it doesn’t.  On Monday, November 12, the day after Remembrance Day, the neighbors across the street turned on their outdoor Christmas lights.  Turned them on, because they never take them down.

Why rant about pretty lights, I hear you ask?  Because they are Hindu Sikhs, that’s why, trying to look like they fit in and draw attention away from the fact that they run an illegal food-service business out of their house.  City crews in both municipalities are installing Christmas lights on trees and bushes in both main city parks.  They do it now, while the weather is still decent, but they don’t get turned on till two weeks before the big event.

My favorite radio station used to play nothing but hard-edged classic rock.  Because of demographic changes, they now only play some hard rock, and slip in Justin Bieber and petulant Taylor Swift, never, never, ever getting back with a boyfriend who’s probably already moved on.  They have theme weekends, like hits songs which never made it to number one.

I turned the stereo on this past weekend and heard Felice Navidad.  Apparently a Christmas song weekend….seven weeks before Christmas.  I went out in the car on Monday, and turned on the radio, and heard Felice Navidad again, all Christmas songs, all the time, from now till Yule.  There’s a station available on-line which plays Christmas music 24/7/365.

In my crossword puzzle yesterday, the solution to one clue was Auld Lang Syne.  I stopped into a store to pick up a present, and Auld Lang Syne was playing on the Muzak.  That’s a New Year’s song, for a week even further past Christmas.  That’s the kind of thing that probably set off Herr Lagertippen, above!  This stuff has been visually and aurally assaulting us for weeks….and there’s no end in sight!  Make it stop!  Make it stop!!

The city is paying a few people to patrol the main street and ask folks why they’re not smiling, and try to get them to smile.  You know why I’m not smiling??!  Because my tax dollars are being wasted to pay gooders to interfere in my busy day.  Just because I wasn’t broadly grinning, doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy.  At least I wasn’t, till you stuck your nose in my business, and got all judgemental.

I’m reading a book right now, titled Overkill.  I considered that as a title for this piece.  I haven’t even addressed the increasing numbers of non-Christians among us, because this isn’t about religion, despite what the thumpers claim.  This is about commerce and culture.

There’s a story about a newly-wed who complains comments about his young bride’s somewhat limited menu. She replies, “What?! You liked beans on Monday, you liked beans on Tuesday, you liked beans on Wednesday, you liked beans on Thursday.  Here it is Friday, and suddenly you don’t like beans??!”  Sometimes there’s too much of even a good thing.  Enjoy peace and prosperity.  Enjoy family, friends and food.  Enjoy Christmas at/near Christmas, and turn off the damned lights and music so that the birds and I can sleep.  Scrooge, were you taking notes?

19 thoughts on “Innocent Till Proven Christmas

  1. Jim Wheeler says:

    Boy do I agree with your post here, Archon! The commercialization of Christmas is proof of free will because if God dabbled in human affairs He would have squashed this cultural meme long ago. IMO.

    Down here in SW MO we have only one oldies radio station and every year it abruptly switches to 100% Christmas muzak on Good Friday. Until this year, that is. This year they did it a week early. An article in our morning paper about Black Friday told about a local guy camped out on the sidewalk at Best Buy – he told the interviewer he didn’t know what it was he wanted to buy when he first got in line, but after studying the ad he eventually decided on a 55 inch 3D flat screen TV for about $2,000. I think the Pod People are already among us. 🙄

    Loved the bean story – 😆 😆 😆

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  2. Preach it! PREACH IT!!!!

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  3. I love a lot of the old standards, and I like the pretty lights. But the commercialisation SUCKS, and the deluge of radio and Muzak programming should be used as punishment for those who keep moving up the start of this whole silly season!
    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go put up my lights and dig out my “Twisted Christmas” CD of Christmas tunes done by Twisted Sister. 😉

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  4. Archon's Den says:

    A Twisted Christmas album? Begone o spawn of Don Ho. No AC/DC or Weird Al yule songs either. I heard one on the radio last night. It seemed vaguely familiar. I suddenly realized it was a re-do of Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby.” This one was a male version called “Santa Buddy”, done in dirge tempo.

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    • Most redone Christmas songs I don’t care for. But then you realise that “O Come All Ye Faithful” and “We’re Not Gonna Take It” sync up amazingly well, it’s hard not to dive on it! No worries, though, it will remain unplayed for at LEAST 2-3 more weeks. And a secret confession? I never took my Christmas lights down – but their outlet is being used to warm a wayward kitty, so no chance of those coming on soon, either. 😀

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  5. benzeknees says:

    I would prefer to have Christmas confined to only December as well, but I have to admit we turned on our Christmas lights after hubby put them up last weekend. We are the only people in our building to turn them on, but I don’t mind because I just live pretty lights. Hold off on 24 hour Christmas carols till December too! Not American so we don’t have Black Friday, our big sales take place on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) when you can get huge discounts on stuff that didn’t sell this year. Great deals on Christmas cards, wrap, etc.
    Just an aside, my birthday falls exactly 3 weeks before Christmas & i have never not had my tree up by Xmas except last year.

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  6. I used to work at Cracker Barrel, and we put up the first Christmas theme in July. JULY! By the time we got rid of the last bit of crap that hadn’t sold, it was January. So my Christmas lasted for 7 months. It’s no wonder that it lost almost all meaning to me by the time I escaped that place 4.5 years later. I’m with you about Dec first, although I don’t mind too much if it starts on the day after Thanksgiving. In moderation.

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  7. Archon's Den says:

    Oh, you poor baby! My rant shows a litle of what it’s like on the outside. I can only imagine what it’s like on the inside. Are you old enough to remember Fantasy Island? Mr. Rourke says, “Smiles everyone! Smiles!”

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  8. Shimoniac says:

    The company I work for has their Christmas Party in November every year. This year’s was Nov. 17. Now I’m there for the free food, and the chance to mingle with people from other shifts and divisions and sneer at them. For a Xmas party there weren’t a lot of Xmas songs played, but when one was and I dissed it, the table was taken somewhat aback. Some conversation later I was compared to Scrooge. I also replied that Scrooge was an amateur with his Bah. Humbug! I was Mr. Bah F***ing Humbug, thank you very much. The conversational subject was changed very quickly.

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  9. Nicole says:

    LOL – and I thought it was a bit out of place for the classic rock station over here to add in that annoying song Smooth- the Rob Thomas (Matchbox 20 guy)/Santana collaboration. I guess I won’t moan about that being thrown into the playlist and will just be grateful my radio station has no mention of Bieber or Taylor Swift. Yikes!

    Yeah, my local mall had Santa’s village up and running as soon as Halloween was over. The 2 restaurants I went to this week already had Christmas music piping in. Meanwhile it’s still hot enough to wear shorts. I’m already having fun picking apart perfume ads on my other blog in anticipation of the holiday season.

    I’ve barely started to enjoy what feels like fall weather and everyone has fake snowflakes plastered on walls throughout the city. Bah humbug indeed!

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  10. Sightsnbytes says:

    I say let Christmas music be the sound of carolers on Christmas Eve.

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  11. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Not joking – on Black Friday, a lady at our local Walmart, got into a brawl over some bedsheets and she had to be shocked with a taser gun! I find this hysterically funny! ‘Cause I’m twisted!

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  12. kayjai says:

    I FUCKING LOVE IT ALL!! ‘Nuff said….
    Okay, maybe I should clarify…wine=good. Mummering with the bestie and friends=an awesome time drinking other people’s booze and dressing up like idiots. presents=good. Day off=good. Day in my jammies with the fam eating turkey and pie=FUCKING AWESOME. There.done.thanks.

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