The following are some of the laws that the universe operates under. Get used to the idea of following them. No-one living has found a way to get around them.
MURPHY’S LAWS
Murphy’s 1st Law
The general law on why things go wrong – “If anything can go wrong, it will.”
Murphy’s 2nd Law
If it can be assembled wrong, it will.
Murphy’s 3rd Law
If it can be operated wrong, it will.
Murphy’s 4th Law
All failures will occur at the most inaccessible location.
Murphy’s 5th Law
Everything costs more than the estimate.
Murphy’s 6th Law
Every task takes longer than you think it will.
Murphy’s 7th Law
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy’s 8th Law
If you tinker with or try to improve something long enough, eventually it will break.
O’Toole’s Law
Murphy was an optimist!
Dude’s Law of Duality
(A special case of Murphy’s 1st law)
Of two possible outcomes, only the undesired one will occur.
Gumperson’s Law
(Incorporates the concept of desirability into a general law.)
The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Flap’s Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects
Any inanimate object regardless of its position or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time, in a totally unexpected manner, for reasons which are either entirely obscure, or else completely mysterious.
Mule’s Law: The Universal Field Theory of Perversity
The probability of an event’s occurring varies directly with the perversity of the inanimate object involved, and inversely with the product of its desirability and the effort expended to produce it.
The Theorem of the Dynamic Application of the Law of Adversity and Perversity
Some events are more likely to occur in Los Angeles or New York, rather than Miami or Chicago.
Parkinson’s Law
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
McGurk’s Law
Any improbable event, which would create maximum confusion if it did occur, will occur.
Weiler’s Law
Nothing is impossible, for the man who doesn’t have to do it.
CHISOLM’ LAWS
Chisolm’s First Law: The Law of Human Interaction
Any time things seem to be getting better, you have overlooked something.
Chisolm’s Second Law
If you explain so clearly that nobody can possibly misunderstand, somebody will.
Chisolm’s Third Law
If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone’s approval, somebody won’t like it.
Chisolm’s Fourth Law
All procedures devised to implement the purpose won’t quite work.
Miller’s Law
He who tooteth his own horn, maketh sure his own horn has been tootethed.
Zymurgy’s First Law of Evolving System Dynamica
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
(Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans.)
Rudin’s Law
In a crisis which forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst possible one.
Shaw’s Principle
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
McNaughton’s Rule
Any argument worth making within a bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a simple declarative sentence that is obviously true, once stated.
Parker’s Law of Political Statements
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility, and vice versa.
Law of Superiority
The first example of a superior principle is always inferior to the developed example of an inferior principle.
Katz’s Law
Men and nations will act rationally, when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
The Law Of Perversity Of Nature
(Mrs. Murphy’s Corollary)
You cannot determine beforehand, which side of the bread to butter.
Weaver’s Law
When several reporters share a cab on an assignment, the reporter in the front seat pays for all.
Doyle’s Corollary to Weaver’s Law
No matter how many reporters share a cab, and no matter who pays, each puts the full fare on his own expense account.
Westheimer’s Rule
To estimate the time it will take to perform a task, double the initial estimate and change the unit of measure up to the next highest unit. Thus you need to allocate two days to complete a one hour task.
The Reno Rule
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
Peckham’s Law
Beauty times brains, equals a constant.
Merrill’s First Corollary
There are no winners in life, only survivors.
Merrill’s Second Corollary
On the highway of life, the average happening is of about as much true significance as a dead skunk in the middle of the road.
Oesser’s Law
There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an organization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing letters.
Potter’s Law
The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject’s true value.
Kitman’s Law
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
Goof’s Law
(As propounded by Inglesbe)
The insignificance of the error is inversely proportional to the intensity of the resulting castigation – or, the smaller the slip, the bigger the lip.
Spock’s Law
What mother tells daughter she wouldn’t understand, usually results in daughter doing things that mother wouldn’t understand.
Barth’s Law of Distinction
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
Friedman’s Reiteration of Crane’s Law
There is no free lunch.
FINAGLE’S LAWS
Finagle’s General Law of Adversity
Once a good thing is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Finagle’s First Law
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle’s Second Law
No matter what result is anticipated, there will always be someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened to his own pet theory.
Finagle’s Third Law
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Corollary 1
No-one whom you ask for help will see it.
Corollary 2
Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
Gummidge’s Law
The amount of expertise varies in direct proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
Hartley’s First Law
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you’ve really got something.
Simon’s Law
Everything put together, sooner or later falls apart.
Diogenes’ Second Dictum
If a taxpayer thinks he can safely cheat, he probably will.
Christ you’re a pessimist!
any tips on getting a horse to float on his back?
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wait a minute, I’m pretty sure if you’ve gotten a horse to float on his back that he’s…..dead.
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I thought that was a goldfish
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Dead horses float on their side. If I got one to float on his back, he’s even dumber than I am.
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Actually I’m both an optimist and a realist. I hope for the best, but I’m ready when at least one fool inevitably f**cks things up. Horse on back?? Hmm. Indonesian massage parlor attendant?
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You forgot Rogue’s Law: No matter how small the obstacle, tripping, falling and injuries will occur. Character is determined from the reaction to such obstacles and the means to overcome them. The End
*takes soapbox and goes home*.
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I thought a certain character might have something to say about the, “smaller the slip, the bigger the lip.”
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That’s a lot of laws, Archon! When I got to the one about the horse – I BUSTED out laughing…(he’s not really dead, right? He’s a trick horse!) haha…What about the Laws of Nature? If you take a bear out of the woods and make him sit on a bale of hay, taking pictures with folks – eventually he is going to maul someone!
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Nah, he’s not dead. He’s an analogy for the workplace, where, no matter how fabulous your output is, some supervisor is going to ignore it and demand even more. The Laws of Nature apply across the board. Famous last words, “Hey guys, watch this!”
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This gave me a great idea, Archon. Fear not, credit will be shared. Did you know Murphy did a Laws of Combat? STFB.
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[…] visiting heaven, on a comparison-basis. Anyway, I tooled around my blogroll and stumbled upon a great post by Archon, which you should read. That gave me the idea for this short series to occupy daily posts while […]
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[…] I noted in Part One of this series, my hat’s off to Archon for stimulating the neuron (one of about five that still reliably function) in my head for this bout […]
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[…] I commented at random on all of these. Again, I need to nod in appreciation to Archon, who did an awesome and very detailed post about non-combat laws, some of them also attributed to […]
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I tooteth my horn for your great post.
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