Why I’m Proud To Be From Ontario (Or Not)

After a micro-surgeons’ conference in New York City, some of the leading surgeons were in the bar and, being drunk out of their faces, began to reminisce and brag about their accomplishments.

The first, a British surgeon explained:

“We had a chap caught in a printing press at a factory last year, and all that was left of him was his little finger.  Our team of surgeons constructed a new hand and built a new arm, engineered a new body, and ultimately, when he returned to the workforce, he was so efficient that he put five men out of work.”

That’s nothing, boasted the American surgeon:

“We had a worker trapped inside a nuclear reactor, and all that was left of him was hair.  We constructed a new skull, a new torso, and new limbs, and put him back in the workforce.  He is now so efficient, that he put thirty men out of work.”

Not to be outdone, the Ontario surgeon claimed:

“I was walking down the street one day, when a fart went by.  I took it to the hospital in a garbage bag, let it loose on the table, and we got to work.  First of all, we wrapped an asshole around it, built a butt onto it and attached a body to one end, and legs to the other.  Gradually it turned into Premier Dalton McGuinty, and he has now put the whole fucking Province out of work.”

Having thoroughly screwed things up, Daddy Dalton has now resigned, and taken his Golden Handshake with him.  It would be nice if I could have the entire Handshake, but one finger would suffice.  Goodbye, Asshole, you old fart!

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23 thoughts on “Why I’m Proud To Be From Ontario (Or Not)

  1. Daniel Digby says:

    Ontario is indeed impressive, but I’m not sure I like their results.

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    • Archon's Den says:

      Along with many others, I AM sure I don’t like the results. I drive down to Niagara Falls occasionally to be reminded of how our taxes are being flushed down the special-interest drain. 😦

      Like

  2. Sightsnbytes says:

    sounds like you had a premier like we have. during the election, Blunderdale promised hiring many for government positions, now she plans to cut those jobs and more. Damn government!

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Does fewer government jobs mean lower taxes? Probably not. 😦
      Herr Premier’s successor is a lesbian witch who doesn’t sound capable of fixing 10 years of porkbarreling. I wonder how long she’ll last? Remember Kim Campbell? She survived just over four months, after taking the Titanic’s helm from Brian Mulroney.

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  3. H.E. ELLIS says:

    I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I like the way you say it.

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  4. whiteladyinthehood says:

    (Archon, I don’t get all your posts in my Reader for some reason…so if I miss something – I’ll catch up! I never saw this one)
    I don’t know anything about your Premier, but it’s a joke with a punch, I do get that! I take it as a good riddance!

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Read ’em when you can. Comment if you like. I’m just happy to provide some down-home humor and information. I published the wrong post last night, immediately retracted it, and inserted the correct one. I found out this morning that those who get email notification, got both posts. Sorry! The rest have to wait till Friday. This rant is generic. It’s actually 25 years old, and originally about a Federal politician of the opposing party. The names have been changed, but none of them is innocent.

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  5. Hmmmm…..I’m thinking of something positive to say…uhhh….hmmm….the sun will shine again another day? Uh…yeah, I got nothin’. We have Dunderdale…that should make you feel a little better.

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    • Archon's Den says:

      Yeah, Ted complained about Blunderdale too. It’s small solace to know that so many others have the same problem. They justify their salaries by saying we have to pay more to get the best and brightest. The kid asking for pennies outside the liquor store this morning could hardly do worse.
      A license-plate ring in the parking lot read “Heuvelmans” – Chatham. I’m going to research them. Ring any bells for you? You’re posting less often. Is the sun ever going to come out for you?

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      • The sun has yet to shine here so we are hiding out in fine fashion. The heuvelman name does not ring any bells for me,..hmm…I’m trying to get posting but it’s difficult these days,..

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  6. 2dadsblog says:

    Honestly, the punch line I was anticipating was “Rob Ford”… but maybe this is the wrong crowd?

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Definitely the wrong crowd! Almost all the Americans, and some of the Canadians don’t know McSquinty. Even northern Ontario doesn’t recognise Rob Ford. And, while he’s a blow-hard fool, his political policies seem more likely to create jobs than throw them away.

      Like

  7. I have a feeling you make friends wherever you go! Well, with people who aren’t annoying. 🙂

    Like

  8. Carlos says:

    On a related note, I welcome you to visit my blog about a small town experience coming on to the world stage. https://bradfordcares.wordpress.com/So funny I love that post. Especially the McGuinty comment.

    Like

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