Spring is sprung.

The grass is riz.

I wonders where the birdies is?

The birds is on the wing, I’ve heard.

Hmm, I thought the wings was on the bird.

It’s official weather fans, at least in this part of Southern Ontario, the back of winter is officially broken.  Oh, we may still get a cold snap, or even another good snowfall, but we’ve had almost a week of above-freezing temps, and clear sunny days.  My driveway is finally devoid of any snow or ice.  There’s a foot and a half of grass at the edge of the driveway, and the path I pounded down in the backyard for the dog, is turning green.  I have heard, though not actually seen, robins, for the last two weeks.  Houselights which used to be turned on by 4:30, are now not needed till after six.

This is the type of spring where I used to have my motorcycle on the road by March 15, instead of April 1.  The son and I went to a Chapters bookstore on Sunday, and there were several bikes out, enjoying the first decent riding day.

On Saturday, March 2, we took a slightly different route to the farmers’ market.  Just after our most recent snowstorm, we passed a house where, instead of building the usual snowman, someone had carved 6 or 7 Easter Island Moas out of snow.  Easter IslandWe weren’t the only ones impressed.  Monday morning a picture was on the front page of the local paper.  The wife downloaded it for me, and I’ve included it to show local artistic talent.

“Lost” shopping carts, taken off the property by various people, for various reasons, are a problem for supermarkets.  There’s a man near the daughter’s place, who made part of his earnings by driving around in his pick-up, and returning carts to stores.  Several local markets have installed a buried magnetic strip around the property.  If a cart crosses the mag-strip, it causes one of the wheels to lock.  The number of abandoned carts has decreased significantly.

My favorite market decided to go a different way.  They got rid of their old carts, and brought in a new batch which require the insertion of a quarter to release a chain, which not everybody likes, or has a ready quarter for.  This not only reduces the number removed from the property, but tends to insure that they’re not abandoned in parking spaces….or so the theory says.

In practice, lazy, inconsiderate fools will continue to be lazy, inconsiderate fools, even when it costs them 25 cents.  I was in the store last week, and two asshats had abandoned carts which were blocking the exit doors.  I’ll put them away for 50 cents.  The next day, I went back for something else, and removed two from parking spots, including a handicap spot.  I’m still doing what I used to do and bitch about, only now I get paid for it.  C’monnn  asshats!  Retirement is expensive.

I was in a different market last week, and saw the backs of several boxes of different spices.  The identification on the boxes simply read, Mt. Scio Farm, Mt. Scio Road, and gave a 7-digit phone number, no town, city, province or state, and no area code.  Always curious, I plugged it into an internet search-engine.  Man, you can find anything on the webz, if you know how to ask.  Turns out this farm is about a mile from KayJai’s place in Newfoundland.  Anything’s possible, but gourmet spices and The Rock, just don’t seem likely to happen in the same sentence.

The Pope has resigned, and the Catholic Church is in the midst of choosing another Pope.  Anyone who wants some God/Pope jokes, ask, and I’ll email them to you privately.  All I’m going to say is:  There is a Bishop in England, who has been accused of homosexually assaulting three priests and an ex-priest.  (You can be an ex-priest??  I thought it was like the Mafia, or the Hells Angels, you were in it till you were dead.)

The man who is most responsible for hushing up the story, and allowing this man time to quietly resign from the Church, is Cardinal Marc Ouellette, the Canadian with a good chance of becoming the next Pope.  It’s depressing to see that it’s still business as usual for the Holy, infallible Church.

Several years ago, while visiting Niagara Falls, I picked up what appeared to be a folded American one-dollar bill.  When I unfolded it, I saw a message which read, “Disappointed?  Not as disappointed as you’ll be, when you find that you’re going to Hell, because you haven’t accepted Jesus as your savior.”

Recently, I picked up a “Smart Card”, a business-card sized document.  Good thick card-stock, rounded corners, gloss finish on both sides and an inch-square fractal-metallic “hologram” area on the front.  This is an expensively produced artifact.  The card instructed the finder to press his/her thumb on the square “for exactly 15 seconds” to see if you were a “good person”.  If you are, the square will turn bright green.

The back of the card, which is covered in fine print, says, “Sorry….you’re just like the rest of us.  The dictionary says “good” is to be “morally excellent.”  Let’s check the standard – The Ten Commandments.”  It then rambles on for about 500 words about, accept Jesus, obey God, don’t lie, don’t lust, forgive sins and read the Bible, but assumes that the only way to be “good”, was through the Ten Commandments.

I am singularly unimpressed with any organization, or those who claim to represent the agency, who feel that this degree of trickery is needed to advance their moral position.



19 thoughts on “DisAnDat

  1. Jim Wheeler says:

    You are not alone, Archon, in deploring proselytism. Or rather, we are not alone. Your post inspired me to first try to spell and then look up the word and, behold, it has its own page on Wikipedia. Who knew? And not only that, it was an interesting read. “Proselylism is illegal in some countries.”

    As chance would have it, given tomorrow’s green holiday status, the poster boy for proselytism, at least on the Wiki page, is none other than St. Patrick of the Celtic Church. (There’s a Celtic Church? Methinks his proselytizing wasn’t that effective.)

    Why are the Jews so disparaged? They discourage the practice. Go Jews!


    • Archon's Den says:

      Jews are so exclusionary that, even if you join on your own, you are not *accepted.* St. Patrick is only accepted now that he hops around, handing out green corned beef to all the kiddies. 😉


  2. Sightsnbytes says:

    I was going to apply for the Pope job, but I heard the retirement package sucked! By the way, they did find a new pope, an elderly gentleman who adopted the name Pope Francis. Wonder why they take different names? Anything to hide I wonder? The church will not change until priests are allowed to marry…women! I am still not a supporter of gay marriages (why would they bother, who is the man, who is the wife?) or abortion, but I am open minded on other things such as birth control and divorces….


    • Archon's Den says:

      A golden throne in Heaven, and the left ear of God forever, who wouldn’t want that retirement package?? But the next dead Pope shows up and gives you a lap dance….ahhhh, maybe not! 🙂


  3. benzeknees says:

    My boyfriends & I used to be on their bikes as soon as there was a dry strip down the middle of the road.
    For those who don’t have the ready quarter, I have learned the stores will happily give you a quarter so you will shop with them.


  4. Archon's Den says:

    A “Biker chick”?!! I knew there was a reason you impressed me. 😀
    Most people don’t want to ask for free money, or walk in to get change, walk back out, then walk back in with a cart. My handicapped ladies don’t. When we shop at the Wholesale Warehouse, it takes a Loonie, dollar coin to get a cart. The daughter paid $2:00 for a small key-fob which includes a fake coin, so we always have one. A couple of times though, I’ve had to refuse an offer from someone who wanted to give me a buck for my cart, to save a walk to the cart corral. 😕


    • benzeknees says:

      That’s interesting about the coin fob. I spent most of my teen years & early 20’s on the back of a bike. After the 3rd accident I stopped being so willing to ride.


      • Archon's Den says:

        My third accident took me off bikes permanently too, barring a lottery win. While looking for something else, I ran into a couple of old posts where I had received an award and babbled about myself. If you have the interest, you can access Feb. 27/12 – I’m Versatile, June 17/12 – Just Desserts, or even its neighbour June 15 – Olio. Everything you never wanted to know about Archon. I still haven’t learned how to link. 😦


      • benzeknees says:

        Linking is actually quite easy. Call up the post you want to refer to, in the box above click on & copy the address, paste the address into your reply. If you are making a new post, you can hit the link button (looks like an on angle chain link) & paste the copied address as the URL.


  5. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Cool picture! I’m impressed, too…
    That’s funny about the shopping carts…I used to shop at our local grocery store, but I had a disagreement with one of the cashiers and told the manager I would NEVER come in there again…which sucked because I had about 40 yrs of loyalty to this store. It’s been 3 yrs and I have not been in there (I would starve to death first) anyway – they had just installed the magnetic strip around the parking lot – I had never seen anything like it before! Apparently though, if you are determined and shove really really hard you can eventually get the cart over the strip. It damages the wheel and makes them hard to steer.


  6. aFrankAngle says:

    First of all, the shopping carts aspect here gets my shorts in a knot. The grocery story is a place that brings the gestapo out of me. Don’t put your cart in the center of the aisle blocking both ways! Don’t put your cart of one side of the aisle then stand beside it to place the aisle! How hard is it to put the cart in the parking lot corral! … Heck, i try to take a cart from the corral on the way toward the store.

    BTW – A store near me did the quarter thing about 20 years ago. I knew a teen who worked there, who got to keep the quarters when gathering carts.

    As far as the religion side of this post, not everyone who is religious or every church, is as judgmental.


    • Archon's Den says:

      I know, Frank. There is much which is kind and beneficial in religions and churches. What irks me is the extremism, hypocrisy and dichotomy of the militant few. I am pleased with the open-minded progressivenes of the likes of SnB, above, who believes in married priests, birth-control and divorces. But he unwaveringly follows, and will not speak against a church which would consign him to the fires of Hell (or just a large bonfire at the base of a post) for his “Supermarket Religion” beliefs.


    • Jim Wheeler says:

      @ aFrank,

      Relative to being judgmental of religion and while I agree with Archon that churches often do good and compassionate work, I submit that the principal criticism in this post has been of active proselytizing, something that is in itself judgmental. Take for example the card that Archon described. Its message translates to me as, “You don’t know jack about life and my group does. If you don’t do and believe as I advise, you are going to burn in hell forever.” That’s quite a presumption if you ask me, especially since there are hundreds of religions and all of them think they have an exclusive lock on the truth. Hubris is what it is, and when they even come to your door with their message, it’s even worse.


      • aFrankAngle says:

        Thanks for your comment. I am right with Archon and you regarding that card. I’m Christian and also offended by the judgmental aspect of that card – and my point is that all of Christianity isn’t like that. As a matter of fact, I am confident with saying the majority isn’t … and that aspect of it is insulting.


  7. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Thanks, Archon! ( I saved the instructions in a Word doc)


  8. I’m so proud that you inserted a picture! And yes, Mount Scio is literally 5 minutes from my house. Take it to get to the mall…bit of a local way since Prince Philip parkway is a bit busier with traffic. You know organized religion and me don’t get along, what with hell being so ill-ventilated and all. ugh…


    • Archon's Den says:

      Calm now! Deep breaths. I promise not to write about religion, if you promise not to have a coronary….no, that wouldn’t work out. When my head eventually exploded, you’d see the flash from your place.


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