My Weekend Weak-End

The daughter wanted to attend the Non-Violence Festival in Victoria Park on Saturday, so it was up to me to haul her stuff over and set her up.  It is a short festival, from noon till five.  Set-up was from 10 AM to 11:30, which meant I had to pick up her friend at 9:45, which meant I had to be up at 9 AM, which is still the crack of dawn for me.

On the way home, I stopped to pick up one item at my supermarket, and headed for the express checkout.  Busty Black Betty cut me off, and pushed her cart in front of me, not full, but the bottom was covered.  I pointedly stared at the cart, and then the “8 Items or less” sign.  You know, she could read, and count.

The daughter had a good day.  Her friend had a good day, and the wife sold a few candles and a pair of knitted baby socks, in absentia.  The usual religious suspects were there, as well as the Free Thinkers, to prove you can be Good Without God.  This year she got a spot which wasn’t in the sun all day.  I helped a lady about the daughter’s age move her my-aged father in a wheelchair, up and over the arched footbridge, then I hauled the daughter’s stuff, and her friend home after 5, and made an appointment for the next day.  We were going to visit the Crazy Cat Lady.

The son suggested I take along the GPS unit.  We can’t set a trip endpoint with a rural address, but if we take it along, we can get it to set, once we’ve arrived, and it knows where it is.  The grandson and fiancé came along, so I gave it to him to play with in the backseat.  To exit town in that direction, there are two main roads.  With the usual DNA twists, one arcs out to the left, then curves back.  The other arcs out to the right, then curves back, both meeting three miles away, at the edge of town.

There was an LPGA tournament here on the weekend.  Since I have less than no interest in golf, I didn’t pay much attention.  I thought the course they were using was on the west side of town, and I was going east.  We usually use that road.  Let’s do something different, and take this one today.  I couldn’t figure where all the traffic was coming from.  Did church just let out?  Is Shoney’s having a buffet special??  Then I started seeing signs, Competitor Parking, Caddy Parking, Observer Parking.  Could you idiots move along and just Park already??!  Even Mrs. Recalculating in the back seat said, “Turn around and go home in ten yards.  You’ll never get through this mess.”

We eventually got out of the city without resorting to gunfire, or atomic-powered profanity and let the bucolic countryside calm my frazzled nerves.  Llamas, Archon!  See the llamas!  Beautiful weather meant lots of motorcycles out to covet.  Passed a small clutch of wind turbines again, reached Cat Lady’s place, and set the GPS.

Summertime means many of her cats and dogs have been sold and delivered.  She had four female breeders downstairs, but only 13 juvenile Bengals in her living room.  This is a large step down from 40/50 mothers and kittens of various ages.  Previous visits have given me an understanding of the tornados which sweep though Kansas and Oklahoma.  Still, anyone who doesn’t believe in perpetual motion has never been in a room with 13 six-month-old cats.

She also had two short-haired Chihuahuas, one, a young male which had been returned and had separation anxiety.  The other was a female, coming up to her first breeding season, which had lost her right rear foot to a snappish female, as a newborn.  Because of an upcoming business trip, the daughter had agreed to foster it till the late fall.

After several hours of cat petting, food and drink, storytelling and gossip spreading, it was time to head home.  The daughter settled into the car with the little dog supported across her ample bosom, with its head on her shoulder below her left ear.  The grandson turned the GPS back on as we headed down the concession road towards the highway.  “In 3.2 Kilometers, turn right on road 19.”  Okay, that’s the way we always come.  I guess I can find my way back.

Suddenly, “Recalculating.  In 2.1 Kilometers, turn left on road 19, then right on county road 37.”  Mrs. GPS has found me a shortcut which cuts off two sides of a triangle, and saves five miles.  Five years ago, it was just a gravel road, but now it’s paved, and lightly travelled, so I took it.

Humming along at 95 Km/h in an 80 zone, halfway across, I saw a car approach a tee-intersection from my right.  This is just a county road, not a highway, but it’s a police car.  I eased off the gas and rolled past him at the speed limit.  He pulled out and headed in my direction.  Sure enough, within a quarter-mile the lights and siren come on.  I’ve been good!  What’s this all about??!

I pulled over onto the shoulder, turned the car off, took off my sunglasses and rolled my window down.  Attitude In Blue Serge exits his cruiser and struts up to my car.  No matter what I’ve done, or not done, I am at a disadvantage if I allow him to speak first.  As he neared my window I said, “Good-day Sir.  Do you have a problem?”  “No, I don’t have a problem.”  “Do I have a problem?”  By this time he is leaning in my window, looking across at the daughter….and the dog she’s cuddling to her chest.

“Oh!  No!  I just thought she had a baby.  I hope you’ve enjoyed your weekend.  You’re free to go.”  I enjoyed my weekend right up until I got pulled over.  Despite the aggravation, he was observant and safety-conscious.  I just wish I’d been wearing Depends.  Oh well, the wife should be able to get the stain out.

Well, that was my weekend.  Did you all survive yours?

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21 thoughts on “My Weekend Weak-End

  1. Kayjai says:

    Glad it turned out okay,..Hubby would have done the same. The babies have to be looked after since some mommies don’t seem to be able to. How’s the puppy making out? Awwww….

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I applied to the Mounties out of high school, and later was glad I didn’t pursue it. It’s a dirty job, I’m just not thrilled when it’s me it gets done to.
      Puppy’s fitting in fine. She’s got a small German Shepherd, and four cats, all bigger than she is, who play nice with her. 😀

      Like

  2. Sightsnbytes says:

    nice story! You were lucky with the cop. My missus just got a ticket the other day because she was going ELEVEN over the speed limit. ELEVEN! apparently you can contest a ten over the limit ticket, so the guy gives her a ticket for eleven over…what an ass!

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      It’s hard to write a ticket when you’re flexing your legal muscles that much. “The law is a ass,” who wanted to make a point, but at the lowest level. Do Newfs got demerit points to lose? What’s the fine for eleven? 😦

      Like

      • Sightsnbytes says:

        the fine was $115. not a big ticket, but still. she never lost any points on this one. we have the point system here too. the idiot cop told her that he will be watching out for her. he even made her get out of the car and stand in front of his squad car so that he could take her picture. I wish I was with her, he would not have tried that.

        Like

  3. BrainRants says:

    I never use GPS’s. I trust my military refrencing and skill.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      The American Army developed GPS. You’d have it in your tank, if you drove one any more, but sadly, not in your PowerPoint. I also have a fairly good mental picture of the territory. Ma Bell tore down the last of the phone booths. GPS is for the geniuses who used to get lost in them. 🙄

      Like

  4. The Hook says:

    Glad to hear you came through with flying colors, my new friend!

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I would welcome you to my neighbourhood, but you’re already almost close enough to just yell at. I must remember not to let distraction or laziness prevent me from dropping in to your site. You recount the mundane with humour and interest, as I attempt to, and do so with excellent grammar and spelling. You’ve already got my son Hooked. 😀

      Like

  5. Jim Wheeler says:

    Our car, now getting elderly at age 8, came with GPS, but it relies on a disk for its information and is therefore engineered to be chronically out of date. The last time it was really needed we were driving through St. Louis and there were so many errors that it was more dangerous than helpful. If we ever take a long auto trip again, which I kind of doubt because it ain’t the fun it used to be, I would be tempted to invest in a stand-alone portable unit. I saw a current software for it on my son’s smart phone and it was very impressive. (But I still would’t trust it completely.) 😉

    Like

  6. Archon's Den says:

    A computer system which requires the user to think, how unhelpful. You do think though, which is why, unlike the British woman who wound up in a canal because her SatNav told her to turn, you reached your destination safely. 🙂

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      You were correct about the result of my smart-assed replies to the leaked spam comments, back at Archon’s Exciting Work Life. While I was composing the above, I received yet another. How were you aware of what I was doing?? 😕

      Like

  7. Frank says:

    The grocery store is a great place to observe behavior … well, for me it means get aggravated. Nonetheless, the joy of the cats made me smile … and I hope the stains came out.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I observe behavior everywhere, but yes, grocery stores are especially good places to do so. Cats and kittens make almost everyone smile. all the time. I have another post coming up about another of mine ours. 🙂

      Like

  8. whiteladyinthehood says:

    You’re so helpful to people, Archon. (that was sweet you helped someone else in a wheelchair)…and quit speeding!

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      There was a bit of a lip at the edge of the bridge, and the arch is interesting. Perhaps I looked helpful. Before I even had time to offer, she asked for help nicely. With two partly-handicapped gals of my own, how could I refuse?
      About that speeding – Yes, Mother! 🙄 😉

      Like

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    No GPS here. It is so much more interesting seeing where your intuition takes you. I can’t stand people who can’t read or count. What an ignoramus. If you would have had 1 item, I would have insisted that you go ahead of me. Glad you didn’t get a ticket.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      We’ve had several times when “we’re lost, but we’re making great time,” and found a great destination. We were once on the Walter Reuther Parkway, heading for Pontiac (?), when we should have been going to Novi, but Michigan highways make it so easy to just go up, and over, and back down, in the opposite direction, to get to the gun/knife show.
      The cop couldn’t have known I was “hurrying”, which made the stop surprising. 😕

      Like

      • 1jaded1 says:

        Hmm. It sounds like you were in what they used to call the mixing bowl because several freeways merge together in somewhat of a cf.

        WPR is 696, I think. I go by numbers. When I moved to IL, people would tell me to take the Edens, Ryan, Ford expressways. They are all part of 94. We have state roads with numbers, too. I will say something like “go west on 62 and turn north onto 59” and the response will be what’s the name of the road? Lol, I have no clue.

        Like

  10. benzeknees says:

    Isn’t it nice the police officer was so taken with a baby he wanted to get a closer look? No – then what could he have wanted? (tongue in cheek)

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I shoulda let “Cujo” have a go at him. No! He was just doing his job. If we’d crashed, the dog would have been as dead as any baby. I’m surprised he didn’t suggest we put her on the floor. 😕

      Like

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