Out Of Touch

The good little New York, Jewish son called his momma every day while she wintered in Florida.  One day, in the middle of a conversation, he realised he couldn’t hear her.  He began clicking the hang-up button, and shouting, “Momma!  Momma, are you there?  Can you hear me?”  A technician, obviously aware of a problem on the lines, cut in and said to him, “I’m sorry sir.  You’ve been cut off.”  He replied, “I know, but should that affect my hearing?”

I don’t know how you “connected” people do it.  We were cut off from reality for a couple of days, (no smartass comments, please) and I was amazed at what I’ve grown used to, and reliant on.  The third novel of the Jack Reacher series arrived as an e-book, from the library.  The wife downloaded it to her laptop, and proceeded to put it on the son’s old Kobo, so that I could read it at my convenience.

The Kobo accepted the download, and she directed it to present it for reading.  “Restarting,” and then, nothing!   She plugged it back into the computer, but the computer wouldn’t even recognize it.  Took the little pin out, and poked it in the Reset hole in the back, poked it in the hole twice, three times, pushed it in and held it for ten seconds.  Did I mention, Nothing??!

Took it over to the electronics store.  The “Expert,” who was only a fetus last week, did exactly what we had done and then shook his head.  Apparently, the Kobo site mentions, “bricking,” where all the programs, and downloads, and commands, somehow run together, and jam the unit.  Even leaving it for six months for the battery to run down for a cold reboot, might not unjam it.  We decided to buy another one.  We thought of trading up, but decided to take a brand-new copy of the five-year-old tantrum-thrower.

We took it home.  The wife downloaded the Kobo library program to it.  It said, “Restarting,” and froze!  Damn, damn, damn!!!  The wife went to lift her laptop, and couldn’t hear the fan running in the cooling pad.  (See damn, damn, damn, above!)  Back to the electronics store the next day, for a no-charge replacement, and a $25 cooling pad.  Third time’s the charm, and I’m finally reading Reacher.

I took the wife to a Podiatric appointment Monday.  When we got home, she tried to phone the daughter.  No dial tone!  That meant that somebody, whose name is ME, had to ensure that every phone in the house is firmly on the hook.  Sometimes, the cats order pizza, while we’re out.  All phones a-okay, must mean it’s a Bell problem outside, so the wife punched in 611 on her cell phone, to reach Bell.

The home phone is Bell, but her mobile plan is with Telus, so she got the Telus office.  We’ve had problems with Bell services before, so we know the drill.  Again, ME, went around the house and unplugged all the phones except the last one used, (we know that one works!) including the DSL computer modem.  She dialled 310-BELL, and prepared to play the game.  Unplug all phones, including computer feed.  Done!  Plug back in a phone you’re sure works.  Done!   No dial tone.  The problem’s probably outside, but Bell has no other complaint, or work being done in our area.

The computer feed was working, but the phones weren’t.  How, and why unplug it?  Imagine two pipes, coming to a tee, and feeding the same tap.  Okay, then why unplug the computer?  That line may be affecting the phone line.  We need you to be home.  When would it be convenient to send out a tech?

We have appointments Tuesday and Thursday.  Could you come on Wednesday?  Sure, no problem.  The son works midnights, and hopes to sleep all day.   And if the problem’s  outside, why do we need to be home?  Bell might have to enter the house.  Okay, we hope to not see you on Wednesday.

We went to a chiropractor Tuesday morning and Costco in the afternoon.  When the son got up Tuesday evening, he told us that Bell had fixed the problem externally, and then rang the doorbell about 2:00 PM, which set the dog off, which partly woke him up, to hear the one phone ringing.  He trudged down the hall to the computer room, and heard the dog barking on the phone.  The repair tech was still outside.

We asked for a specific day and time, for a specific reason.  It was nice to get our phones and computer back a day early, but, while it was super-efficient, it was bureaucratically unreliable.  Just as we were preparing dinner, the phone rang.  It was Habibi – sorry, “Kevin” – wanting to clean my ducts.  Oh joy!  It’s a good thing we’re on that Do Not Call List.

We don’t Facebook.  We don’t Twitter, and we can live without telemarketers.  I was only without my blog, and the internet, for a little over one day.  No reading others’ posts, no comments, no likes, no online crossword, no definitions, no translation, no MapQuest, no researching arcane trivia.  I was going mad, I tell you, MAD!  For a disconnected old curmudgeon, apparently I need a lot of connecting – but I’m not getting a Bluetooth.  Even Putin thinks they’re gay.

Now that I’m back online, anybody got a comment?  Wanna click my Like button?  Anybody??  I’m feeling very lonely, and unloved, and disconnected over here.



15 thoughts on “Out Of Touch

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Lol, the expert who was a fetus, last week. Love it. I’m not connected, except for smart phone. I have no tv, computer, twatter, Facebook…none of it.

    Glad your connection was restored!


  2. Sightsnbytes says:

    kindle is better. two years and no problems as of yet. as for the Kobo, a friend of mine has one, and he is constantly bringing it to me to unbrick it. here is what I do:
    First make sure it’s got a decent charge by charging for a least 1 hr. Then Try a button factory reset, by:

    1. Hold the power button in the off position for about 15 seconds, to ensure the device is off.

    2. Then hold down the home button and while holding down slide the power button to the on position. This should force a factory reset.


    • Archon's Den says:

      I’ll put these instructions in a note file – just in case, for the newest Kobo. Wait, we bought a Kobo Touch. It has to be on, to access the home “button” on the screen. Any suggestions, beyond kicking it into the street?
      Since we bought a new one, I had the store recycle the old one. It’s maddening. When you buy new electronics, you pay a disposal fee on top of the price, but you can’t put the old “whatever” out with the garbage. They won’t pick it up. You have to drive it out to the landfill – where they charge you (again) to dispose of it. 😦


  3. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Keep the cats off the phone, Archon!


  4. BrainRants says:

    I’ve had periods where all electronics refuse to function. It’s maddening.


  5. benzeknees says:

    Awww, you are loved on the blogosphere Archon! Imagine living in the bush of NW Ont. with the best you can do is “dial up” internet (super expensive), very unreliable, no GPS or cell phones or anything else. We did this for 10 years. What a huge culture shock to move back to civilization!


    • Archon's Den says:

      We had dial-up here for years, because we lived way out on the western edge of the city, and they just hadn’t/wouldn’t bring the high-speed out. I can imagine what it was like in NW Ont. I’ve got a follower above you in AB, just below 60 deg. N. He was hoping to get a big dish installed, but is still relying on a Hot-Stick.
      I amazed myself by how much I “missed.” Speaking of ‘missing”, we’re still waiting patiently for a post or two about the move back. 😀


  6. Jim Wheeler says:

    Ever since I was a kid, writers have been suggesting that technology is going to change our lives in all so many wonderful ways, but it occurs to me that each new gadget complicates my life and makes it more unreliable at the same time.

    Now I must admit that some things have gotten better. Cars don’t need tune-ups every 6 months anymore and freezers and refrigerators seem to last dang near forever. On the other hand, our telephone answering machine is diabolically unreliable and I’ve had to re-set the satellite DVR three times in the last month. Garage door lifters chew up the nylon gears for no apparent reason. Even the metal springs fatigue and break. Human bodies have been found to be colonies of thousands of different kinds of bacteria, inside and out, and sometimes they act up in strange ways.

    NASA is still planning to go to Mars, I hear. Eventually. It will take about a year roundtrip, maybe more. Who they gonna call when stuff needs some odd replacement or their bacteria mutate? Whatever can go wrong will go wrong. Yipes. Don’t call me, NASA, I’ll call you.


  7. Archon's Den says:

    I guess you have to take the good with the bad. I don’t think I was cut out to be a pioneer. A young local guy signed up to volunteer for that NASA mission. We can probably do without anyone that brave and dumb.
    When an early astronaut was asked if he was nervous on the launch pad, he replied, “Sure, wouldn’t you? Sitting on top of a million parts, all manufactured by the lowest bidder!” 🙄


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