Day 3 – Lost In Thought – And Other Places
The muffler shop manager holding our car for ransom, called early. After trading retirement financial security for a ride back to Canada, we had our treasured transportation back to the motel by 10 AM. Now we were ready to attend the knife show, at 1 o’clock.
The drive to the knife show was 44 km/26 miles. Halfway there, work crews had two matching bridges down to one lane each. With the usual assholes rushing up as far as they could, before cutting someone off, by the time we got there, the two-lane, bumper-to-bumper backup on the Interstate was five miles. By the time we returned from the show, the parking lot was ten miles long.
The wife decided that we needed some sustenance before reaching the venue. She had been eyeing Cracker Barrel signs since Erie, PA. At the exit before ours, there was another one, so, up we went. Little Miss GPS was not happy. RECALCULATING! Turn around. Turn right, now! Get back on the Interstate or I’ll smack you. We turned her off, and wound up having lunch at Denny’s, saving Cracker Barrel for supper.
Residents either knew exactly where we were from, or couldn’t point to Canada (and maybe even Ohio) on a map. Our server at Denny’s had both her maternal grandparents come from Paisley, a little village of 900, 80 miles north of Kitchener, where my brother lives. He probably bought their old house.
We had seen TV promos for a movie called Ouija, where the game pointer is inhabited by a malevolent spirit. I didn’t believe in such silliness – until Ethel the evil GPS struck. Perhaps she was angry because she was ignored, and turned off while we lunched.
When we turned her back on, she quickly got us to the next exit. The ramp comes up to a T-intersection. My memory from a trip there almost ten years ago, said that we turned right, but Ethel insisted that we turn left, and drive 6.7 km. Turn left on this highway (?), then turn right on this county road. (It’s a farmer’s lane!)
I knew we were in trouble when we passed under the Interstate, and were south of it. Turn off the paved road??! We left pavement for gravel road, and ran off gravel onto dirt road. We finally looped around, right back to where we started, and she insisted that we turn left again. Oh no you don’t! We turned her off, and I turned right.
I drove for several miles, but now I was spooked. I didn’t see the Civic Center. I did see a gas station, with a State Trooper, so I pulled in and asked him. I admitted that I was a dumb, lost tourist, and where was this venue? He leaned to his left, and pointed just past the big tree, around the bend. Damn! Damn! Damn!! I gotta get these glasses retreaded.
After recovering from our adventure in the wilderness, the knife show was a dismal failure. AFrankAngle didn’t miss a thing. Apparently the Ohio Knifemakers’ Guild had a little schism, and the clique responsible for advertising and promoting the show, took their toys and went home.
Two of the makers were amazed that I’d even heard of it, in Canada, and drove all the way to attend. One maker packed it in at the end of Friday, and refused to return Saturday. Only about half the expected displayers showed up, not including any of the fancier makers.
The show was about half-size, and so was the paying-customers crowd(?). There were a few ‘purveyors’ – collectors with a display of other people’s knives they were anxious to unload. There were a few Suppliers, with grinding wheels, sanding belts, and handle materials – and damned few makers to sell them to. There was only one ‘rusty jackknife’ display. One maker was selling para-cord bracelets that his kids had made. One maker’s wife had added some small knitted items, and etched drinking glasses, to expand the display
There were to have been door-prize draws, every hour, on the hour. There was one, just as we arrived at 2:20 PM, but I didn’t hear any others before we left, a couple of hours later. With so few ‘good’ knives, I took only a few photos. They include a dagger with dyed, stabilized Maple-wood handle, and a couple of shots of a Japanese-style Katana.
Battle Horse Knives is a production team of a husband, his wife, and a friend. Using production-line methods, they had dozens of well-made, but uninspiring, hunters and skinners, suitable for the local outdoor crowd.
Since the guys work with wood for the handles, they’ve also acquired enough carpentry skills to build an 8 foot long miniature battlement to display their wares. Like my Rapunzel post, they included a tower with hair streaming down. I thought it might have come from the center of the V-shaped beard on the friend. The wife told me that it cost her a knife at the Atlanta show, but she got it from a 12-year-old girl attendee – with her parents’ knowledge and permission.
One artisan – not maker – took factory-made knives and removed the handle material, and replaced it with the State stone, Ohio Flint. Cute, but so what?
Back to the motel, a home-style supper at Cracker Barrel, a little shopping at the plaza, and a good night’s sleep to rest up for the Erickson Expedition. Wanna know how it turns out? You know where the Archon’s Den is! See you soon. 😀
Please Follow my blog Mr / Ms Archon,Thank s
Serves me right for forgetting to turn the porch light off. It attracts these moths. There’s nothing like a little naked greed – “Please follow my blog.” Speaking of greed, is there any financial compensation in it for me?
Mr / Ms Hardtogetbangin hasn’t bothered to read my ‘About’, or even looked at my gravatar, but still wants me to enter into an online dating relationship. What little there is of his/hers/its site is all in Thai, or Malay. I would have thought that the gravatar would be a giveaway, but perhaps women with beards are common over there.
Mys(tery) Hardluckhangin probably thinks I’m eating the cat. I wouldn’t do that. We’re out of peanut oil, and Sriracha sauce. 😯 😉
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Interesting about your contrary GPS, Archon. Is she in a smart phone that gets updated regularly, or one working from a memory like my disk-based one? Mine is so out of date now that I use it mainly to look for exits and tell me the miles remaining, but I’m used to her map showing us sailing across vacant fields with aplomb. I must say though, she never gets upset but calmly tells me to turn in dangerous places. Kind of like a computer with senility, but I understand. She’s a member of the family whom I patronize with kindness.
“Our” GPS is actually the son’s, the cheapest of the Garmin sisters. It can be updated by linking to the computer with a USB cable, and accessing the Garmin site. One of his co-workers advised against bothering. He wouldn’t know until he did it, whether there’s any additional charge.
I’m quickly learning to use ours as you do yours. It seems fairly accurate inside urban areas, but none too reliable when we really need it, out in the boondocks. In the next Fellowship segment, she not merely shows us driving across a pasture, but cons me into actually doing it.
BTW, I appreciate your use of the word aplomb – and correctly. I just now read a well-known author having a group of people ‘clamoring’ into a small boat. Really??! Nobody at the publishing house caught that? A proof-reader, a proof-reader, my kingdom for a proof-reader. Alas, gone the way of the dodo, and replaced by social media addicts with autocorrect and spell-check – which don’t! 😀
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Gee, your muffler wasn’t making any noise when you left my house. Sorry you had problems later on in your travels.
I don’t have GPS – ain’t no other woman gonna tell me what to do or where to go!
Love your comment to the spammer. Apparently you get spammers smart enough to bypass the WordPress filter – my spammers are all dumb as dirt, but fun for snarkiness.
The better to stalk you with my dear. Ah, it was just part of the adventure. Nothing a
littlelot of money couldn’t fix.
When we first took to wearing our hearing
aidsassistors, when the batteries depleted, we got a cultured British male voice announcing, “Battery.” The first time, it scared Mrs. G.O.D. I actually spun around, wondering how some guy got in the house. We had them reprogrammed with a softer, woman’s voice. Depending on the model, most GPS units could have the opposite done, and a male voice provided – or aren’t you good at taking orders from males either? 😉
I don’t know where this guy came from. I didn’t access his site, or comment. He just showed up and begged. You’ll note that I didn’t actually ‘Reply’ to him, but late at night I just felt that a good rant would raise my G.O.D cred. 👿
No way in hell is some man telling me what to do! Unless, of course, he’s really hot.
(Oh, wait, that’s the other blog … sorry.)
Regardless of whether it has a male or female voice, I really have no need for a GPS right now since I don’t travel much. My new SUV had the option, but I didn’t want to pay for the additional package. I assume that when Cordelia and I come to visit you and Mrs. G.O.D. (hopefully next summer), you will give us sufficient directions so that GPS won’t be necessary.
As for that reader, I’ve never had anyone beg me to follower his or her blog. I have had people like or follow me whom I suspect really have no interest in my posts, but what the hey, my numbers are still lower enough that I’ll take whatever attention I can get. (Personally, I love late night rants – sometimes they’re the best.)
Phew, you do have some adventures Archon. i had a colleague who entered a new town (Sudbury, Ontario) with a B-train (two trailers behind the tractor) load of gas and try to follow his GPS to a service station to deliver. His GPS took him down the right named street but unfortunately the street was residential, bisected by an apartment complex and the half he wanted was on the other side. A B-train is about 80 feet long, weighs about 63.5 metric tonnes (about 70 American tons) and is notoriously hard to back up.It took him almost two hours to back the miles to the main road before he could turn around. Most professional drivers will use the GPS as a rough guide but will also get directions or consult a map. As you noticed.
Oh, cool post, by the way. i enjoyed it.
😀 There’s more coming.
‘Adventures’ is often why we go on these trips, although the adventures we get are not always the ones we want or expect, and I have to open a lemonade stand to get rid of the lemons – ergo ‘Archon’s Den.’
We saw lots of B-trains, doubles, while we were in the States, and even a surprising number of triples. My respect for anyone who wrestles them. I spent the last two years of my working life employed by Clarke Transport as a framer, to prevent steel coils from bouncing around inside railway cars.
I asked several of the supervisors and rig-jockeys, why the tongues on dump-truck pups were so long. They couldn’t answer because it’s a specialized question. The father of the young fellow I ended up working with, delivered sand and gravel to construction sites. I found that he backed the pup in to dump first, then used the long tongue to jackknife the pup, and dump the truck right beside it. The answer’s obvious – once someone explains it. 🙂
After hearing Ms GPS yell at me to turn around for the fifth time, she almost got thrown from the quickly moving vehicle I was driving. I borrowed her from my ‘then’ husband when we were still together. I guess he probably…oh never mind. 😐
GPS are helpful at times and not so much at others. I was on my way back from visiting my daughter last year when I picked up a hiker from the AT–not a hitchhiker…long story..never mind again 🙂 . I swear my phone was leading us down a cow path that was barely paved and for no reason I could tell until we got to the road where we were supposed to be and discovered the bridge was out. If I had gone the way of the map, I would have been backtracking for almost two hours. Thank you, Miss Phone GPS–my ex’s GPS should have been shot but so should he. 😉
I was really looking forward to great adventures at the knife show. Pity you didn’t get a door prize. I’m so sad now. I hope the muffler investment was worth it. So exciting… Until next time. 🙂 Oh, I’m surprised you asked for directions. That same man from above would wander the wilderness for 40 years and never ask…. 😀
There’s a GPS lying beside the highway, somewhere in Oklahoma, installed by the co-driver of the long-haul trucker friend who put it there.
At least you were still on pavement. I had been off it, and didn’t want it to happen again – but it did. Stay tuned for the next episode where I have to ask again. 😯
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😀 😀 😀 hahahahahaha!!!!! I have tears in my eyes and they aren’t from the woman who tried to hit me THREE times today and then had the nerve to roll down her window and call me a bitch when was going the wrong way down a one-way aisle/street and then ran a red light… It’s not been a great day! 😀 😀 😀 Next beer please….
I know! Aren’t they irritating? I just composed a post about a wrong-way, one-way, and one obstructing traffic – and both times I got flamed for being in the right. I suppose laughing it off, and then writing about it is better than getting out of the car and punching somebody who really, really needs it.
What brand of beer are you having – which will give me some idea of where you’re having it. 🙂 😕
don’t anyone mess with J.R. R Archon! He goes to knife shows! Interesting road show, looking forward to the next installment. I have to ask….what is with the fascination with knives? sounds scary to me…
I have been interested in all weapons since I was old enough to realize they existed – everything from pea-shooters, up to H-bombs.
While I like well-made rifles and shotguns, I particularly dote on handguns, but they never show up at Canadian shows, because of the bureaucratic nonsense required to transfer them. I do attend gun shows when I’m in the States. They’re often held in conjunction with Knife Shows. There I fondle Berettas and Desert Eagles.
Knives aren’t necessarily scary. The ones I like are called Art Knives, and can be worth several thousand dollars. I can’t afford to own them, but photos are free. I would offer you a link to the two posts I did in August, about an Art Knife show I attended in Toronto, but…. I got compulsive and eliminated some photos from my WordPress media library, to reduce clutter and make it neater – not realizing that they had to remain there for the shots to remain with the post. I’ll try to pull them from my personal photo file and attach them to an email.
Knives are just tools, and some are wonders of engineering. People like O J Simpson collect them. (Oops, he was accused of killing someone with one.) Angelina Jolie has quite a collection, and she’s only ever been accused of making young guys’ hands sore and tired. 😀
It’s too bad when you’re looking forward to something & it turns out to be a bust! Loving the narrative of your trip though!
Hope for the best – but plan for the worst. Since you’ve read through to the end, you know it all eventually worked out….and I got an adventure, and a great serial story out of it. 🙂