Missed Manners

Etiquette

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two, you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies: “Wait a minute; I’m going for a piss.”

The teacher says: “That would be very rude and improper on your part.”

Charlie replies: “I’m sorry, I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The teacher says: “That’s much better but to mention the word “toilet” during a meal, is unpleasant.”

And Little Johnny says: “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner.”

***

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals? ” The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted. “Could I have a pint of ale? ” “No!” she shouted. “Could I at least use your privy?” “No!” she shouted again. The vagabond said, “Might I please…?” “What now?” the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. “D’ye suppose,” he asked, “that I might have a word with George?”

***

URBAN MYTHS? OR INTRIGUING FACTS? – YOU DECIDE!

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE!

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first “Marlboro Man.”

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs…but, not downstairs.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

#469

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6 thoughts on “Missed Manners

  1. BrainRants says:

    I work with people who must breathe through their butts.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I’ve worked with their counterparts down civvy street – clerical, customer relations, manufacturing. At least you’re inured to it. Sadly, you probably have little to anticipate after your coming metamorphosis – same shit, just a different pile. 😛

      Like

  2. Jim Wheeler says:

    Just for giggles I googled one of the assertions and found this:

    Oak trees begin to produce acorns at about 20 years of age, but 50 years is not an unusual period for the first crop. Oak trees produce acorns once per year during the Fall. An individual tree’s acorn production varies year to year, with the strongest production normally alternating every other year.

    It was similar with the turtle thing, although I recommend that Rants re-evaluate his coworkers. It would be hard to breath through your butt if your head’s in the way. I can readily believe the donkey item. The third world has skads of donkeys, famous for recalcitrance. So there’s likely at least some truth to all the items. 😉

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I think most of these ‘factoids’ are intended to incite critical thinking, and discussion. I’ve proved some of them true, but several false, including the seven-folds one. I’ve folded several pieces of paper 8 times, and a few, 9 times – just not ‘bond’ paper.
      Pearls dissolve in wine also. It made an expensive Renaissance toast.
      Coconuts seem to be the next ‘coming thing’. Coconut flour is a great gluten-free replacement for wheat. A nearby craft brewery is advertising a new beer – made with coconut water. I imagine a dozen Jamaican Rasta workers with machetes and a truck full of green coconuts. 🙄

      Like

  3. Sightsnbytes says:

    While sleeping under an apple tree, a friend of mine was quickly awakened from his slumber. Apparently the apple fell from a tall branch, knocking him on the head…so it is true that apples wake more people than caffeine. just ask my buddy

    Like

  4. Archon's Den says:

    How do you spell….Apocryphal?? 😕 On the Rock, I guess anything can happen. It wasn’t one of the Newton boys, was it. 😉
    It’s a good thing it wasn’t a coconut that fell on him. That might have really put him to sleep. 😛

    Like

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