CANADA D’Eh?

Canadian Flag

July 1 is CANADA DAY!

In celebration, I slept in till after noon….wait, that’s my regular schedule.  In any case, it took me a while to get my mind firing on all three cylinders, steal research the following fascinating information about my great country, and get it out to all my foreign followers.

ARE THE STEREOTYPES ABOUT CANADA TRUE?

It’s always winter here

False. There is, almost always, a stretch of several weeks between the end of the Stanley Cup playoffs and the start of curling season when it is warm enough for mosquitoes to thrive. This is when we go camping. In fact, according to Environment Canada the highest temperature ever recorded in Canada was on July 5, 1937, when it reached 45 C in Midale and Yellowgrass, Sask. You know where else it reaches 45 C? The Sahara desert. Saskatchewan: the Morocco of the North.

We say “eh” after every sentence

False.  A lot of sentences end with “Stanley Cup,” “puck,” or “sorry.”

We’re all very polite

See previous item. Actually, a poll by Angus Reid last year found that 56 per cent of Canadians reported using profanity on a regular or occasional basis, higher than both Brits (51 per cent) and Americans (46 per cent). But are we more profane or are we just less likely to hang up on pollsters? In fact, Canada had 554 murders in 2010, according to Statistics Canada. That’s 1.62 homicides per 100,000, compared to 4.8 in the United States, 13 in Russia, 18 in Mexico and 78 in Honduras, the deadliest country in the world, according to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime.

We all play hockey

False. There is a rumour that several people somewhere in the Metro Vancouver region do not play hockey or understand what offside and icing are, and the relentless mocking of neighbours and co-workers has so far failed to convince them to pick up some skates and get with the game. According to the International Ice Hockey Federation, Canada is the hockey-playingest nation in the world, with 572,411 registered hockey players, male and female, which amounts to 1.68 per cent of the population.

We drink a lot of beer

False, it seems. According to statistics compiled by Ranker.com, Canada pulls in at 21st among beer-swilling nations, swigging a meagre 68.3 litres per capita annually. That’s well behind Hungary, at 75.3 litres, and just ahead of Latvia, at 68 litres. Czechs more than double the pitiful tippling of Canadians, downing 158.6 litres of beer per capita per year. Ireland wins silver in the quaffing World Cup, at 131.1 litres per person. Per capita consumption of beer peaked in Canada in 1981, at 99.69 litres, says Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada.

We hate Americans

Wrong again. We share a language, a culture, a lot of television shows and 8,891 kilometres worth of border across land and water. We have the largest bilateral relationship of any two nations on Earth, and aside from the beer thing and burning down the White House in the War of 1812, we get along quite famously. According to Statistics Canada, they’re our best friends and we, theirs. The federal agency says more than 24.5 million Americans came to Canada to say “hey” in 2010, compared to 4.5 million visitors from other countries, and almost 20 million Canadians went to the U.S. to say “eh,” compared to the 1.4 million Canadians who went to Mexico, our second bestie.

We speak French

Mais oui. Un peu. In the 2006 federal census, 17.8 million Canadians identified themselves as speaking English and 6.8 million as speaking French, while 98,625 said they spoke English and French. Almost 300,000 others said they spoke English and/or French and another language. Overachievers.

Igloo

We live in igloos

We wish, because igloos are very cool, but the truth is that the igloo is the ingenious invention of the Inuit people of the Arctic. While Inuit traditionally used hide tents for their summer homes and sod homes in winter, they also built igloos for shelter when they were out on the land in winter. Igloos are built of blocks of snow stacked one atop the other to form a dome. They’re easy to construct and warm inside, offering fast and secure shelter in one of the harshest climates on Earth.

Modern Inuit – of which there are more than 50,000, according to the 2006 federal census – have settled in permanent communities throughout the North and live in houses like their southern Canadian cousins, but many continue to keep their hunting and fishing traditions alive.

We ride dogsleds

While riding public transit at rush hour can certainly evoke feelings of being at the mercy of a pack of rabid dogs, there are some subtle but important differences.

One: Sled dogs are actually quite well-behaved, or they wouldn’t be sled dogs. They would be dogs who chew shoes and chase Canada Post employees.
Two: Public transit smells bad, and while sled dogs themselves aren’t exactly a breath of fresh air, you do have to be out in the fresh air to be driving a dog sled.
Three: A dog team can run up to 32 kilometres an hour, says the International Federation of Sleddog Sports, while buses at rush hour rarely reach those kinds of speeds.

There are many differences but most importantly, mushing is a rural sport while riding public transit is a predominantly urban sport, and according to the 2006 federal census, of the 31,612,897 residents of Canada in 2006, only 6,262,154 of them lived in rural Canada. The same explanation stands for canoeing, although many Canadian city dwellers do venture outdoors, ignoring their common sense and overcoming childhood memories of summer camp to undertake such foolhardy activities as camping in tents, swimming in non-chlorinated natural formations and kayaking. A survey by Statistics Canada found that in 2004 alone, 13.6 million trips were taken by Canadians to visit national and provincial parks, and 8.2 million trips were taken to go boating, including canoeing and kayaking.

We all wear toques

Much to the chagrin of Canadian fashionistas, this one is true. And when the mercury drops into frostbite territory, many go full-out voyageur and pull the toques down over their ears.

Canada Kicks Ass

#475

 

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22 thoughts on “CANADA D’Eh?

  1. Dan Antion says:

    Happy Canada Day!

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on Therapeutic Misadventures and commented:
    Too good to resist as we close in on our Fourth of July down south! Well done Archonsden, well done!

    Like

  3. ipeniwrite says:

    I wonder what it feels like over there now ? 🙂

    Like

  4. BrainRants says:

    This clears up about half of the shit that I think. I’m calling bullshit on the following, however:
    A) Winter. There is no way mosquitoes can breed in two days.
    B) “Eh” endings: Yes, and sometimes you add, “aboot,” as in, “You know what that’s all aboot.”
    C) Beer. Wrong – top slot in gallon-age goes to my own BrainRants stomach, followed closely by New Hampshire. Everyone else can simply go suck.
    D) America hate. You do not speak exact English, dude. And you’re bitter that we invaded you once… maybe twice.
    E) Cold shit. Look, 95% of your country is NORTH of North Dakota and Minnesota. That’s aboot all I need to fucking know. Cold. Period.

    Awesome post, Archon. 🙂

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      C) Beer. Another overachiever. You’re skewing the curve, and driving the average up. I thought New Hampsters were genteel, and refined, and only drank wine and spritzers. 😉 😀

      Like

  5. aFrankAngle says:

    You have just clarified much of life … then again, that’s what you normally do. 🙂 Meanwhile, an Archonian ending for this would be an honor. https://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2015/06/28/on-a-challenge/

    Cheers to Canada!

    Like

  6. Jim Wheeler says:

    Well, I’m glad you cleared up the confusion about Canada! Toques? (I had to look it up.)

    I predict your fair land will look increasingly pleasant in the coming years, what with climate change, you know. People will be leaving the U.S. in droves (small Canadian cars), wearing toques out of envy, and seeking temperate camping spots on Newfoundland and Baffin Island where they can sunbathe and watch the ships sailing the Northwest Passage. 😆

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      All of that – and more! When can we expect you and Molly? Remember to bring lots of suntan lotion, there may be a shortage here. 😛
      I thought of stealing lifting the photo of a young woman modeling a toque, but felt my post would look as silly as she did. It would have saved you the Google fee. 😆

      Like

  7. Penny says:

    Hi. Would you please write a post about how easy (or hard) it would be for my ex-husband to hack into my phone or computer? Also what I would need to do to ensure my phone and computer are secure?

    Thanks, your advice and help would be much appreciated.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I’ll get right on that. While I’m busy protecting your phone, would you use it to contact the Canada Revenue Agency, and get them to double my pension? 😉 😳

      Like

      • Penny says:

        the most logical and likely explanation is that you are my ex-husband and all that time I thought I was talking to someone else it was actually him fucking with my head. What a tangled web.

        Like

  8. Marie Keates says:

    I consider myself prepared for my visit to Toronto in October now. Thank you.

    Like

  9. very well claimed!If I recognized effectively… I can’t consider I remaining this eye-catching temperament trait out- unconditional loving compassion!!!I as soon as go through upon a bumper sticker:“Pricey God, Make sure you assist me in the direction of be the particular person my canine believes I am.”I need to don’t forget this each and every working day! Owing for the reminder.

    Like

  10. […] July 3, 2015 at 11:09 pm  (Edit) […]

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