A Phish Out Of Water

The other day, while I was out being threatened (More on that later), the wife was being phished. Since the son and I were out running errands, she took advantage of our absence to sit at the PC in the computer room, and pay some bills online.

She had just accessed the bank’s website, and was viewing activity on our account for the last 30 days, when the phone rang. Jane Doe? Yes?? This is Walter, at the accounting department of XYZ Bank. I want to talk about a $200 deposit that was made to your account, 11 AM, on June 18.

She wisely said that she’d check into it, and would call him back. What was his number? The bank’s accounting department would be in Toronto, with a 416 area code. He gave her a local, 519 number. What extension?? Oh, that’s a direct line.

She scrolled up the page and, of course, there was no such deposit. She tried calling his number back. We’re sorry. The number you have called is equipped for outgoing calls only. It was worrying that this scammer knew her name, which is not listed in the phone book, and the fact that we banked with XYZ. We paranoidly shred everything that has a name or address on it, to the point that a Christmas present from the son, was a new cross-cut shredder which makes confetti.

She called the bank’s 1-800 customer service number, and reported the incident. They said they’d look into it, but it’s like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.

Meanwhile…. I’d had a Tri-Fecta week.

Shopping cart

A woman in a grocery store had backed into my cart, and apparently hit her elbow. Ow! Ow! Ow! – WELL?? Well what? Are you going to apologise? NO!

I left another store a couple of days later, and went to climb into my car. Suddenly, the owner of the van to my left, leaned past his windshield and yelled, “Take it easy on my van! It’s brand new, and I don’t want it all scratched up.” Uh, Okay…. “I told you, don’t scratch my van!” I didn’t – I didn’t touch it. “I’m warning you. Take it easy on my van.” Even with my door fully open, it doesn’t touch your van by two inches. Take a look. “Just watch yourself! I warned you to stay away from my van. I hate ignorant cocksuckers like you.” (My mind is made up; don’t confuse me with the facts.) and climbed in and roared away.

The coup de grace came on Saturday morning. When the son got home from work, we went out together to do some shopping and errands. As we finished the last, it was nearing lunch time, and he offered to treat, at a Subway shop.

We followed a family in, parents early 30s, boys 6 and 8, and waited patiently as they all worked their way down the counter, picking out toppings. Dad went first, then the excited, indecisive boys, followed by mom in ballerina mode, arms akimbo, hands on hips, swiveling back and forth, making decisions.

She finally made her last choice (Swiss cheese) and moved up to the register, where dad was paying. I moved up, and started giving my choices, when she and her Tai Chi elbows came dancing back. I tried to back out of her way, but one of her flying elbows just touched my ample tummy.

Being the well-mannered Canadian that I am, I said, “Oops, I’m sorry.”, and she danced away again. I continued picking stuff for my sandwich as hubby spoke to her….or so I thought. Suddenly I heard, “Hey! I’m talking to you!” Wha’?? “Watch what the fuck yer doin’! That’s just fucking disrespectful. I oughta slap the shit outta you!”

So, he’s taught the boys that it’s okay to use foul language in public and threaten people, all 5’ 8”, and 150 lbs. of him. A lover, not a fighter, and almost 71, I think I could have taken him, because it would not have been a fair fight. If not, I brought along my son, The Bear. At 6’ 2”, and 275 lbs. he could just squeeze this mouthy idiot’s head till all the shit ran out his ears.

As they headed for a table, he leaned in and hissed, “Yer just lucky I had the wife along today.” which, while not the dumbest thing I’d heard all week, was well up in the top ten. If he hadn’t had the Prima Ballerina, she wouldn’t have bumped into me, and this whole damned drama scene wouldn’t have occurred. Shit, take your meds, and attend those court-ordered anger management sessions!

Then he sat down with the wife he was so worried about, pulled out his smart phone, and proceeded to ignore her and his sons while he phoned three friends to set up a golf game the next day, and then play Candy Crush.

As the President of the local Grumpy Old Dude Association, I’d like to claim that I’m an irritating old turd, and own these, but:

You weren’t watching where you were going, and walked into my cart. I didn’t touch your vehicle! Open your eyes and look.
Your wife backed into me – and I apologised.

If these had valid causes, I’d blame them on urban overcrowding pressure. What in Hell causes people to get so angry and aggressive about imaginary slights and insults?


23 thoughts on “A Phish Out Of Water

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    I have no Fn clue. I wish I were in your/their presence when it happened. I would have interjected. You would have been angry at me for doing so…? F them.


    • Archon's Den says:

      Nah, I’d have been proud, and happy someone had my back. It’s those first few seconds when I have trouble comprehending that some idiot is actually angry about something I didn’t do, or something that didn’t really happen. 😯


  2. Kayjai says:

    Some people are just assholes, like those inconsiderate idiots…it’s an epidemic, I’m afraid.


    • Archon's Den says:

      It’s like there’s one weirdo per thousand. In the cities they’re more concentrated, you’re more likely to run into a few. I expect you see some, but Ted says the rest of The Rock ain’t like that. 🙂


  3. BrainRants says:

    This kind of thing never happens to me. I have no idea why.


  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    This kind of thing never happens to me either, or very seldom, but maybe it’s because it’s my nature to avoid confrontation. I have been flipped off in traffic within the last 10 years. (It was not my fault. Really.) When emotion takes over, reason departs.

    I had a car accident about 15 years ago. She ran a blinking red light and crunched my front left fender and hood. I was proceeding through a blinking yellow at the speed limit of 35mph at the time. She was angry. I said nothing. When the cop got there, he told her it was her fault, as I assumed he would.

    Why does society seem so uptight these days? Seems it’s gotten worse, even as most people are more prosperous than, say, 50 years ago. Maybe it’s some kind of entitlement attitude? Or maybe they’re just Republicans? 😉


    • Archon's Den says:

      You’re not British, so I know that by ‘blinking’, you mean ‘flashing’.
      I just got flipped off driving home to reply to you. I tend to be like you. A soft answer turneth away wrath, but some of them seem to go so far out of their way to be indignant.
      They can’t be Republicans. After we squeezed Ted Cruz out, we tightened the screens on the border. If we let them in, they might breed with New Democratic Party members, then we’re all doomed. 😆

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Sightsnbytes says:

    obviously the idiot had no idea that you collected knives and glass skulls!


    • Archon's Den says:

      I am not quite what I appear, or so I like to think. I’ve never been called on to prove it, which may be the proof.
      The wife, son and I attended one of the last showings in the last downtown theatre. When we exited, across the street taking up most of the sidewalk were 6 or 8 Goths, forcing pedestrians to go around them and a howling boom-box the size of a Volkswagen. The wife was a little apprehensive, until she looked at me, wearing a black leather jacket and motorcycle boots, and the son in steel-toed work boots, an oilskin duster down to his ankles, from A Fistful Of Dollars, and an oversize leather fedora like an Australian digger hat. Other people stepped aside. 🙂


  6. aFrankAngle says:

    Wait … you’re in Canada … I didn’t think Canada had any assholes? Oh … they were probably transplanted Americans.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dale says:

    Yes, sadly… we Canadians are assaulted by American TV. I would hate to think this is why so many are becoming so rude. (D’you think it’s because we’re tired of our “nice” reputation?)

    I would think one of the main reasons the assholery percentage is lower is we have 1/10 the population – though I’m still clinging to hope we remain, on the whole, nice!


  8. Marie Keates says:

    Same here in England. I’m off to Canda in October and was kind of hoping Candians would all be polite and smiley, oh well….


    • Dale says:

      Hey! We are nice and smiley! 😀
      Where in Canada?


      • Marie Keates says:

        Toronto for the marathon and to visit some relatives

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:



      • Archon's Den says:

        You know you’ve ‘arrived’ in the blog world, when other bloggers hold a discussion/conversation in your comments section while you have a nap.
        I went to Ohio in the fall to meet two other bloggers. I’m in Kitchener, an hour down the M1 Highway 401 from Toronto. What do you think Dale? Should I give her a guided tour of a Tim Horton’s? They do serve tea! 😆

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        Ain’t that the truth! Have a nice nap?
        Oh fun stuff! I hooked up with one but he lives here in Montreal (not a long ways from the south shore where I am).
        Ha ha! Timmy’s it is! I’ve got family in Cambridge and Hamilton…


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