What a Bunch Of Boobs


It’s been a summer of bare breasts in Canada – and outrage, and complaints, and moral entitlement.

It started a couple of weeks ago, in Guelph, ON. An 8-year-old girl at the splash pad of a municipal pool was told by a teenage male attendant, that she had to put a top on. The pool’s rules insisted on it for any female over 4. Her mother was aghast, and angry, that she had been discriminated and sexualized.

The next day, with a lawyer’s aid, and serious discussion with various local bureaucrats, it was admitted that a public pool had no legal right to enact such a rule. In a spin-doctor defense of the life-guard, the Recreational Department claimed that he was probably just trying to prevent any complaints.

This is the city where, in 1991, three 19-year-old males, returning from the park, stripped off their shirts on a hot muggy day. The 19-year-old female with them did the same, and was stopped and charged with ‘committing a lewd act.’

Angered more by the double standard than the possibility of a $170 fine, she went to court with a prepared lawyer, and what was expected to be a five minute, Pay-The-Damn-Fine hearing, turned into a two-day, he-said-she-said trial, where the language of the law was shown to be sexist, moralistic, and so sufficiently vague as to be unenforceable. It was reported that the law was in place to prevent complaints.

Suddenly, a precedent had been set, that women in Canada could legally bare their breasts in public, as long as it was not for commercial gain.

Somewhat more recently, three local sisters, in their early 20s, set out for a bicycle ride around town. On their way home at dusk, on a warm, muggy evening, they also decided to remove their shirts to get cool. Wouldn’t you know it; not one of them was wearing a bra.

They were stopped by a female police officer, who maintained eye contact, and warned them to be careful riding through some road-construction areas. Several blocks further on, they were stopped by a male police officer, who ordered them to put their shirts back on, insisting that there was a bylaw, and that police had received complaints.

When one of them denied that they were breaking any law, and another pulled out a cell-phone and started recording the proceedings, suddenly it became all about whether they had lights and bells on their bikes. They did!

The next day brought an hour-long phone-call to the Police Department, where they were put on hold three times, till someone actually found out that there is no such bylaw. They have lodged an official complaint. Why am I not surprised to find that the oldest is a Grammy-nominated singer/performer, with a career to support? Local TV, radio and newspapers were soon notified.

BC Mountie

Two young mothers in British Columbia, left the kids with the dads, and headed to the beach for an afternoon of sun, sand and freedom. They found a secluded dune, spread their towels and dropped their bikini tops. Fifteen minutes later, a young RCMP officer marched a quarter-mile across the Sahara beach in his shiny shoes, to order them to cover up, because there had been complaints.

They also are bringing an official complaint for embarrassment and harassment, because there is no bylaw prohibiting topless sunbathing.

You have to be very careful how you speak to a police officer, because they take themselves very seriously. Most don’t care about obedience to legislation; they care about social peace and quiet. It disturbs and angers me that so much time and effort is spent ‘assuaging complaints’ instead of enforcing laws. I am supremely disappointed that police officers either don’t know the laws they claim they’re enforcing, or that they intentionally lie to civilians to get their way.

Were I one of the beach ladies, I’d have been very tempted to reply that I was already obeying the law, and was not the Complaints Department. If my daughter decides that she requires an abortion, we don’t care if you and your Fundamentalist Church complain; we will obey the law that says she can have one. If the wife and I decide that divorce is a better solution to our problems than murder, we don’t care if you and the guy with the funny hat in Rome complain; we will render unto Caesar, and get one.

I know that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but I don’t want it to be at the expense of my legal rights. There is nothing intrinsically evil or psychologically damaging about naked female breasts in public. “But what about the children??! 😯 ” Perhaps if children learned to view them as natural, and not as lures into sin, we would have less sex crime and psychiatric counselling. I know I’d be happy.  😀


27 thoughts on “What a Bunch Of Boobs

  1. North America has the onerous task of electing a new president but you can be certain that the hubub will not be about which one is the best leader or knows the most about international affairs… no, it will be which one loves god the most and hates women the most. Be happy that Canada has such pedestrian problems

    Liked by 1 person

  2. BrainRants says:

    I want to file a complaint. At least the RCMP don’t whip out their sidearms and blow you away at the first hint of “resistance.”


    • Archon's Den says:

      City cops are a little freer. The thing that keeps Mounties from pulling out their guns is bureaucracy. Merely drawing a weapon would denude half a mountain of trees for the paperwork involved. A single warning shot would cut down the other side for hard copies of electronic files. 😛


  3. aFrankAngle says:

    I didn’t realize Canada had any anal retentives!


  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    You said

    Perhaps if children learned to view them as natural, and not as lures into sin, we would have less sex crime and psychiatric counselling. I know I’d be happy.

    I agree, and it would be an interesting social experiment. Topless tanning is reportedly common in Europe, so it would work. Unfortunately, bare boobs are only attractive on the young for the most part. If I were a woman I’d vote for the status quo. The mystery is better than the reality. 🙄


    • Archon's Den says:

      I fully agree with the ‘mystery vs. reality.’ While the moralistic reaction to bare breasts fascinates and irks me, what really ticks me off is the continued concentration on complaints. Do we stop GM from producing cars, because there might be a recall??!

      Learn some PR! “We’re sorry. While we realize that you are disturbed by something that has occurred, it is not against the law, therefore, we can do nothing about it, even if you did dial 911″ 😳

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jim Wheeler says:

        Yep, it’s a culture thing. In Islam it’s assumed that the sight of a woman’s bare face can drive a man to sexual instability. How the hell do they maintain that baloney in the age of the internet? Or with trips to NYC?


  5. I’ve always questioned the double standard. If men’s nipples can be shown on television… what if we put a female actress in a nude bikini top and using CGI technology pasted a cropped version of the male actor’s nipple onto her bikini clad body…. could we show that?


  6. Daniel Digby says:

    Whatever you decide to do, please don’t decide to do it while being black down here in Tennessee.


    • Archon's Den says:

      While not quite as common up here in Nice-Nice land, that kind of shit happens. The (negro) Toronto news director for CTV was arrested in a high-risk takedown for driving while black.. He and his negro assistant left the studios at 2 AM to get some food. Two black guys in an Audi – gotta be drug dealers. Four cops, drawn guns, facedown in the middle of the street. No apology, “You matched the description of two suspects.” He put it on the morning news. 😆


      • Sightsnbytes says:

        are we really allowed to say the Negro name these days?


      • Archon's Den says:

        It’s the most common one around here. Do they not use it on The Rock? I don’t watch a lot of NTV. Any Atlantic time-shifting I do, is usually at Halifax.
        They’ve been niggers, then negroes, then black, then coloured, then African-Americans (which refers to the continent, not the country, but is awkward, and I’m not going to say African-Canadians). Around here now, it seems to have gone back to ‘negroes.’ Like bare boobs, no matter what you call them, some of them are going to be upset. 😕 😦


  7. merlin_pan says:

    Good one.

    Intelligent commentary on, well, boobs, whatever your definition.


    • Archon's Den says:

      Yeah, so often the only commentary around bare boobs is ‘More beer.’ North of the 49th we’re trusted that alcohol and naked breasts together won’t make us go mad with desire – like in Arabia America. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Eureka! Another rational person! Thanks for being you. I’m a little less isolated now.


  9. […] a month after I posted my What A Bunch Of Boobs piece, an op-ed letter from a man revealed that the local male constable and the Police Chief, still […]


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