Grammar Nazi

Oh dear, gentle readers, the decline and fall of proper English usage continues apace. There are more people who know less about the language, and prove it, by writing and publishing their errors.

When I began blogging, lo these many (4) years ago, I had to click to get my output Spellchecked. Now, I don’t even have my fingers raised from the keys, before that dreaded wavy red underline tells me I’ve Miss Spelled mispilled somehow erred – which would be great, if the program actually spelled the correct word.

When I enter text into a translation program, it even tells me that my foreign language words are not spelled ‘correctly’ in English. GrammarCheck is just as bad.  It’s more powerful now, but the code-writers could have used GrammarCheck themselves.

I wrote ‘The Beatles – Let It Be’, and was ‘corrected’ to – let it is.  I typed ‘lay it down’ – and was ‘corrected’ to lie it down.  It wanted me to revise one line to – ‘any idea we were coming had’.  That program may have been upgraded by a Squarehead Kraut, because only the Germans the verb at the end of the sentence put.

Other official, commercial headshakers include:
MSN’s headline that –Seattle sets record four loudest stadium.
a Wikipedia photo, captioned ‘The Chicago L’  It’s an elevated train, Loser!
a crossword puzzle where the clue ‘Classic Chevy’ – equaled ‘TBird’, apparently built by Henry and Edsel Chevrolet.

it hardens back to a time – Only between your ears. I harken (or hearken) back to archaic usage.

beer-swaling hockey nuts – So many illiterate, bladder-emptying jokes…they’re swilling.

Rule could effect record company profits – What is the affect of incorrect usage?

I could really careless about a number – I couldn’t care less about your careless misusage.

She clamored up the stairs – making a lot of noise, as she clambered up the stairs.

Bare with me a while, seems to be an invitation to a party I can’t bear to miss.

warned of their want to cross the road – I want them to know that the correct word is wont. (not won’t)

the couple had a relationship, but only plutonic – Wow, that’s out of this world.

sense you left….your English doesn’t make any since

I’d bend over back words – Like ‘Asshole’? That’s a ‘back word’ for backwards writers.

Toe-headed people like me – More like ass-headed. tow-headed = sandy-colored hair.

I studied Shakespeare and Julia’s Cesar – You just want to pound your head, or a teacher’s.

eats chutes and leaves – Without understanding the joke – or Botany.

a bowl haircut, like Moe from the Three Stugges – A fourth stugge stooge wrote this crap.

a quilt made from old flower sacks – Filled with roses and crysanth krisan more roses. Does anybody besides me remember when flour came in sacks?

They’re being terrorists shouldn’t bother anyone. – Their being a professional writer, should!

a tee-shirt bearing her mid drift – I bear a mid-drift; she was baring her midriff.

did the ice-bucket challenge with a pale of cold milk – Well, a pail of it is white.

Farmers’ Market vendors sell beefstake tomatoes – To vampire killers?

A butcher sells male and peamale bacon

caught in the straight-jacket of social expectations – Go strait to the dictionary!

came to blows with eatchother – Please note the spacebar below

Gourmet salad dressings – tomatow and bealTomato, mixed with things like cranberry and mango. What in Hell is beal?

He wasn’t aloud to carry a gun – He had to keep quiet about what he was allowed to carry

He wrecked havoc – I hate it when someone wrecks my havoc. I just get the detritus and debris randomly distributed, only to find some OCD has wreaked order and neatness with a broom.

The hooker lifted her short skirt to display her wears – But she wears none, so bewares, don’t get caught unawares, in the warehouse, among the softwares and hardwares.

So I od not have to mention it again – It’s odd that they don’t know the correct word is ought.

Ball your eyes out – I would bawl, but at least it’s better than eyeing your balls out.

They’re just etching out a living – There’s no need for eking a living, when you can make etchings.

I’ll leave you with the tale of a reader who reached my site, riding on the search term “Archron, Ohio.” He may have found me, but he’ll never find Akron.


14 thoughts on “DIZZY – MY HEAD IS SPINNING

  1. BrainRants says:

    The interwebz are making things wurst… As a card-carrying Grammar Nazi, I do give folks a bye on effect/affect – homophones that both swap their function between object or verb depending on usage. Makes my neuron stress, too.


  2. R. B. Hatch says:

    You get an A+ for this one, Archon. It is rather amazing what spellcheckers, and prufreading will miss.


  3. I’m constantly amazed at and annoyed by the errors I find in newspapers and published books (don’t they have editors?), as well as grammar and spelling errors by bloggers and commenters. It makes me wonder why we’re all paying school taxes if today’s youth aren’t learning anything.


    • Archon's Den says:

      I can understand the occasional slip among bloggers, but the ones in newspapers, magazines and books irk me. 😦
      Sadly, the answer to (don’t they have editors?), is largely no! 😯 They have come to rely on SpellCheck and GrammarCheck.
      Fortunately not all graduates are semi-illiterate. As long as the capable ones become the writers – the rest can work at Wal-Mart. 😉 😆

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    I don’t know, but I suspect, that many of these spell-check errors may be the result of voice dictation software. One wonders how many journalists use them routinely? I can imagine they do, out in the field.

    Since getting my iPhone last year I’ve become used to using this function. I can ask Seri questions that way but it’s also very useful for recording memos, search subjects and text messages, much faster than two-finger typing. The spelling errors are frequent and often funny, despite having learned to speak slowly and distinctly. I can envision that the technology will continue to improve to encompass context better. I know that will happen because I’ve seen it on Star Trek when they talk to “Computer”. 😉


    • Archon's Den says:

      I hope for, and expect, improvement also, although it may be some time coming. Context is important. Bigger does not always (immediately) mean better. See the reference above where the ‘new and improved’ version thinks that foreign words are incorrectly spelled. I could use a SpellCheck in French, Spanish and German. 😀


  5. Jim Wheeler says:

    Kirk to Computer: “No, no, Computer, I said beam them up, not BEAT them up. Bad Computer!”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. shimoniac says:

    That reminds me of when I was reading a free book on my Kindle. There was an egregious spelling, grammatical, and/or construction error On. Every. Page. I hadn’t had to pay for the book and I still felt overcharged. I think that’s why it was free, they didn’t have to pay for a copy editor.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sightsnbytes says:

    you should try working at a trades college. Our students can’t spell for beans. Our school systems are encouraging students to spell words as they sound to ‘them’. My son is in grade eight, and recently passed in an assignment (three days late). There wasn’t one word spelled correctly. The grammar was atrocious. He got a 90%. Go figure. The art of writing is going to the dogs.


    • Archon's Den says:

      Even within the trades, proper usage is important, if only to read and direct for plans, blueprints, etc. A Trade College is actually where I’d expect the worst usage. When schools only had to teach the Three Rs, it was easy. There was lots of time. Now, they have to concentrate on the sheer amount of science and technology, and the basics are skipped over. Everyone passes, because electrical and welding instructors don’t have time to correct English. My only hope is that those who really need it, will work beyond the basic education to properly learn it.
      Yeah, I know….and pigs can fly 😛


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