Bottle Babies

Genie

Two guys in a life raft in the middle of
the ocean.

One sees an old bottle floating. He picks
it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out.

The genie says, “For letting me out, I will
grant you one wish.”

The guy says, (without thinking) “Turn this
ocean into beer”. And the ocean turns into
the best beer anybody has ever tasted.

The second guy says to the first, “You idiot,
now we’ll have to piss in the boat”.

***

Two old men sit on a bench in a park when one of
them asks the other:
“How many times can you have sex”?
“Not more than twice”, replies the other old man.
A few minutes of silence, then the first old man asks again:
“Which of the times is the best one then?”
“Hmmmm, I think the one in Spring.” says the other old man.

***

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It’s not hard.

***

Single women complain that all good men are
married, while all married women complain about
their lousy husbands.

This confirms that there is no such thing as a
good man.

***

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries

***

How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?

We don’t know, it has never happened.

***

A guy from up North (Canada) goes into a
classy bar in the South (States). This
bar has a dress code, and the maître d’
demands he wear a tie.

Discouraged, the guy goes to his car to
sulk when inspiration strikes: He’s got
jumper cables in the trunk! So he wraps
them around his neck, sort of like a
string tie (a bulky string tie to be
sure) and returns to the bar.

The maître d’ is reluctant, but says to
the guy, “Okay, you’re a pretty
resourceful fellow, you can come in…
but just don’t start anything”!

***

Your kid may be an honors student,
but you’re still an idiot!

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7 thoughts on “Bottle Babies

  1. Jim Wheeler says:

    I always hated changing the toilet paper roll because the spring was just waiting to shoot the bar behind the toilet. This is probably what inspired the guided missile. When we built our present house I opted for the European style handers. Slip off the old roll, slip on the new. Easy peasy. A better invention I can’t think of. 🙂

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      When we recently redid our upstairs bathroom, the wife also chose the European style paper-holder, and its twin as a washcloth holder beside the sink.
      I read several posts last night about whether the paper should come off over or under. Now there’s a new battle brewing. For those who choose a vertical, flagpole type, should it deliver clockwise or counter-clockwise.
      Can’t they just go back to arguing about religion, and burning people at the stake? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. And right about now, a lot of your younger readers (who probably lease their vehicles) are wondering what jumper cables are.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      And (automotive) technology continues to march on. We just bought a new vehicle. The young salesman had to research manual/standard transmission. We couldn’t get it, even as a more-expensive option. He touted the Bluetooth system, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to be distracted by telephone calls while driving.
      We don’t even get keys! Rather, two $400 RFID fobs that the car remembers, and will obey if they’re near. We maintain CAA (AAA in the States) coverage, and get another roadside warrantee from the maker. No need for jumper cables, although we’ll keep them in the vehicle, just in case. 😯 🙂

      Like

      • I had a rental vehicle that came with just key fobs. It also came with push-button transmission – I hated that car, despite the fact that it was a Lincoln. Just give me keys and a gear shift, please.

        Like

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