Havin’ A Ball

Broken Window

A young boy was playing with a ball in the street. He kicked it too hard, and it broke the window of a house and fell inside. A lady came to the window with the ball and shouted at the young boy, so he ran away, but he still wanted his ball back.

A few minutes later he returned and knocked at the door of the house, and when the lady answered it, he said, “My father’s going to come and fix your window very soon.”

After a few more minutes a man came to the door with tools in his hand, so the lady let the boy take his ball away.

When the man finished fixing the window, he said to the lady “That will cost you exactly ten dollars.”

“But aren’t you the father of that young boy?” the woman asked, looking surprised.

“No,” he answered, equally surprised. “Aren’t you his mother?”

***

It is a dark night.
A man is riding a bicycle with no lamp.
He comes to a crossroad.
He stops because he doesn’t know which way to turn.
A tall pole stands near the road with a piece of paper on it.
It is very dark and the paper is too high – he cannot read it.
He takes out his box of matches and climbs up the pole.
There, he lights a match and then reads the following words on the paper:
“Wet paint.”

***

A female asked God that she wanted her all husband’s attention, she wanted that he should only look at her, keep her with him all the time and give her utmost importance in life….God turned that female into a mobile phone.

***

The Impact of a Job Change

One day, a passenger in a cab tapped the cab driver on his shoulder to get his attention.

The cab driver screamed, lost control of the cab, went up on the sidewalk and stopped inches from a shop.

The passenger apologized and said: “I didn’t realize that a little touch would scare you so much.”

The cab driver replied “Sorry it’s not your fault, it’s my first day as a cab driver, I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 20 years.”

***

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they start to wonder: Could they get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they immediately ask him.

St. Peter replies, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” He leaves. The couple sat and waited for St. Peter to return, but he never did. 9 weeks later, and the couple were still waiting. They started to wonder, if things didn’t work out, could they get a divorce in heaven?

Another month later, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple. “You can get married in Heaven.” “Awesome!” the couple responds enthusiastically. “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter’s face suddenly turned red with anger. He slammed his clipboard to the ground. Frightened, the couple asked “What’s wrong?” “OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted. “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”

 

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8 thoughts on “Havin’ A Ball

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    You always make me laugh with these posts, Archon. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      My current rate of composing isn’t quite keeping up to my rate of publishing. My cache is reducing, but I’ve got lots (so far) of these comedy posts. You may see more jokes than usual for the next few months. 😀 😆

      Like

  2. Shadeau says:

    Hilarious “heaven” joke!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ahtdoucette says:

    Ha! Good ones, especially the first and the last and the Wet Paint one.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sightsnbytes says:

    not sure if you seen this one before, but here goes…There was a man at the hospital, and he was sick wearing a air mask. The nurse came in and he muffled, ” Are my testicles black?”
    The nurse looked at him and shock and ignored him, returning to her work.
    The man interrupted her again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?!” She said, “I’m sure they’re not.”
    He muffled again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?” This time the nurse yanked up the sheets, held them in her hand and said, “See?! They’re fine!”
    The man took off his air mask and said, ” That’s very nice, but, nurse, are my test results back?”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Archon's Den says:

      Some years ago, the ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ doll was quite popular, but things were not so good in the cod fishery. A Newfie applied for a job at the plant where the dolls were made, and got one.
      The plant manager gave him a shop tour, and showed him where he would be working, and explained what he would be doing. The next day, the Newf showed up with a large chunk of cloth, and a sack full of marbles. When the shift began, the line soon got backed up, and continued to get worse.
      Soon, the Manager was seen running across the floor, shouting, “I said, give each of them two test tickles !” 😆 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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