A husband and wife were visiting the fairgrounds together one afternoon. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but her husband was too afraid, so she went on the ride by herself.
The wheel went round and round until suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap on the ground.
Her husband raced over and asked, “Are you hurt?”
“Of course, I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around, and you didn’t wave once!”
A man walks into a fish-and-chips shop with a fish under his arm and asks, “Do you have any fish cakes?”
“Of course,” says the shop owner.
“Great,” replies the man, gesturing at the fish he’s carrying. “It’s this guy’s birthday.”
Recently, while my mother and I were having lunch at a roadside restaurant, a child at a nearby table let out a few loud shrieks. As one of five daughters born within a six-year period, I asked my mom, “How did you ever manage with all of us?”
Without hesitation, she replied, “I was the one doing the screaming.”
Back Up My Hard Drive?
How do I Put it in Reverse?
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can
count & those who can’t.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
An old geezer and his wife are out driving, when
a police officer pulls him over. “What seems to
be the trouble young man?” asks the geezer.
“Excuse me sir,” says the officer, “but didn’t
you notice that your wife fell out of the car
“Why, naw, I didn’t son, thanks for telling me.
I just thought I went deaf.”
Why are sports cars like hemorrhoids?
Most assholes get them sooner or later.
Q: What did Tennessee?
A: The same thing Arkansas!
Indians discovered Columbus.
Why is it that when we talk to God we call it praying,
but when God talks to us we are schizophrenic?
When God was creating the human race, he lined
up all the males on one side and all the females
Then God asked, “Which of your species would like
to urinate standing up?”
Well, the males went crazy, screaming and
shouting that they wanted to pee standing up.
“Fine,” replied God. “Then THEY get the multiple