COOL!

You are no longer “cool” when …

 

1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.
2. You daughter says she got pierced and you
   look at her ears.
3. The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
4. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure
   suit.
5. Your wife buys a flannel nightie and you find
   that sexy.
6. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged
   man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20
   year old girlfriend.
7. You criticize the kids of today for their
   satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that
   you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
8. You call the police on a noisy party next
   door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
9. You turn down free tickets to a rock concert
   because you have to work the next day.
10. When grass is something that you cut, not
    cultivate.
11. When jogging is something you do to your
    memory.
12. Sex becomes “All that foolishness”.
13. Getting a little action means your prune
    juice is working.
14. All the cars behind you turn on their
    headlights.
15. You remember the “Rolling Stones” as a rock
    group not a corporation.
16. You bought your first car for the same price
    you paid for your son’s new running shoes.
17. You actually ASK for your father’s advice.
18. When someone mentions surfing, you picture
    waves and a board.

***

The hipster was out, driving his new car around, with his arm hanging down the side of the car. A truck coming the other way, crossed the line and sideswiped him, crashing him into a ditch.  When a police officer arrived, he was out of the car, walking around it, moaning, “My new Porsche – my beautiful new Porsche!”

The cop said, “You shouldn’t be worrying about your car. You should be worried about your arm.”  The hipster looked down at a bleeding stump that ended at the elbow, and started moaning, “My new Rolex – my beautiful new Rolex!”