I recently read a post from a young(ish) woman, titled, “I saved myself for marriage, and now I can’t have sex with my husband.” [Tough luck. Looks good on you. Oops – did I type that out loud?]
She had had a string of boyfriends since high school, but had informed each of them that she intended to remain a virgin until she was married. Perhaps that explains the ‘string of boyfriends.’ She was 26, and her husband was 27. Maybe one or both were beginning to get a bit desperate.
She had been raised in an ultra-conservative, Fundamentalist-Christian home, and had it pounded into her, and pounded into her….and POUNDED into her, that premarital sex was evil, dirty, sinful! She suffered from vaginismus, a painful spasming of the vaginal walls which made it virtually impossible to engage in intercourse. I find it ‘interesting’ that they did not find this out until they returned from their honeymoon in The Bahamas.
Possibly it was only the diagnosis and name of the affliction that they found out. While not ‘common,’ this problem is well-known in psychiatric circles. It occurs in many other hyper-Christian families. The girls are told over and over and over that sex (and by extension, them, if they perform it) is bad, bad, bad.
Nothing is said about the acceptability – inevitability – necessity – of marital relations. When these women try to have sanctioned sex, they are still overwhelmed by the cognitive dissonance. No-one ever tells them about the good side. No-one ever tells them about anything except the evil.
She now goes for daily(?) physiotherapy, and weekly psychotherapy. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just hire a hooker to come over a couple of times a week?
When I was young, and learning about sex, my Father obtained a couple of comedy albums by a bawdy Jewish woman who worked in Nevada and Catskills clubs. She said, if you liked her act, her name was Rusty Warren. If you didn’t, it was Lois Lipchitz.
Come early – get a good seat. She would pick a woman down front wearing a vee-neck sweater, and ask her if the V stood for virgin. “Hmm, must be an old sweater.” She told a story that she claimed happened to her.
Every day, as she left for school, her mother sang the same cautionary song. “Don’t take gum! Don’t take candy! Don’t talk to strange men! Don’t ride in strange cars. Keep your legs crossed, your panties up, and come home from school in a group! And whatever you do, DON’T DO IT!”
Grade 1, Grade 2, Grade 3….especially when she went to high school, the admonition was always the same. “Don’t take gum! Don’t take candy! Don’t talk to strange men! Don’t ride in strange cars! Keep your legs crossed, your panties up, and come home from school in a group. And remember….DON’T DO IT! Don’t do it!
She finally got a boyfriend, who became her fiancé. On the day of her wedding, her mother was with her at the Synagogue. As the happy couple ran down the steps to their car, her Mother yelled, “It’s OK! You’re married! Now you can do it!”
She stuck her head out the window of the car, with a confused look on her face and said, “Do what??! You never told me!”
These ‘Good Christians’ tell the rest of us that the wages of sin is death, but the wages of this self-righteous hypocrisy is….truly Karmic. 😯