Marriage Isn’t Just A Word: It’s A Sentence

Jailbird

The wife found her husband sitting on the back
porch crying. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Do you remember when we were dating and your
father, the judge, told me that if I didn’t marry you, he
would send me to prison for 20 years?” he said.

“Yes” she responded, “so what?”

“I would have got out of prison today!” he sobbed.

***

An attorney was sitting in his office late one
night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil
told the lawyer, ‘I have a proposition for you.
You can win every case you try, for the rest of
your life. Your clients will adore you, your
colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will
make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in
exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your
children’s souls, the souls of your parents,
grandparents, and parents in law, and the souls
of all your friends and law partners.’

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then
asked, ‘So, what’s the catch?’

***

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

***

If it looks easy, it’s hard.
If it looks hard, it’s impossible.
If it looks impossible,
it’s due tomorrow. At 8 AM.

***

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in
his car.

***

What did the blonde say when she looked inside
the box of Cheerios?

‘Oh look, donut seeds’

***

I didn’t work my way to the top of the food chain
to eat vegetables.

***

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When the pastor asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.

“Pull down your pants,” the pastor whispered.

“Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind,” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service.”

*********************

😆

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23 thoughts on “Marriage Isn’t Just A Word: It’s A Sentence

  1. Dale says:

    Great way to start a Monday, Archon!

    Like

  2. shimoniac says:

    I love lawyer jokes.

    Like

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    My refusal to marry is a “stay out of jail free” card. Happy Monday. 🙂

    Like

  4. Sightsnbytes says:

    I am married, so I am allowed to tell this one…Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, it was not getting a thoughtful gift on a special occasion.
    Bill quizzed all his friends, co workers, clients and anyone he happened to bump into, as to what would be a good anniversary present. He finally settled on a huge bouquet of flowers.
    Not willing to trust himself to pick out the right flowers, Bill called up a local flower shop with strict instructions to deliver the biggest most beautiful bouquet of flowers first thing in the morning with the following note “Happy Anniversary Year Number Two!”
    The morning of the Anniversary Bill made sure Suzy would be the one to answer the door as he waited anxiously in the other room.

    “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!” Hollered Suzie angrily holding up his well thought out note, “Happy Anniversary, You’re Number Two!”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. cyranny says:

    Thanks for the good laugh 🙂 I particularly liked the “dying in my sleep like grand pa” one!! Still giggling thinking about it… Have a great week!

    Like

  6. BrainRants says:

    There’s a lot of truth in the idiot-proof joke. Sad, but true.

    Like

  7. Another funny post, Archon. My personal favorite, “If it’s impossible it’s due tomorrow at 8 am.” I believe that was the motto of the boss I used to work for.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      I am so glad that I don’t have to put up with that any more. I just read an advice column letter, about a woman whose mother had a serious heart attack. She left early one day, and booked the next one off to be at her side. Her boss called her at the hospital, and wanted her to stop in and prepare a presentation that he was to give the next morning. 😯

      Liked by 1 person

      • That would have been a serious FU from me with a resignation letter. Corporations are like that. That is why I quit this past summer. I have nothing good to say about my last employer. 4 wasted years but the flip side, I get to do what I should have been doing all along.

        Like

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