The wife found her husband sitting on the back
porch crying. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Do you remember when we were dating and your
father, the judge, told me that if I didn’t marry you, he
would send me to prison for 20 years?” he said.
“Yes” she responded, “so what?”
“I would have got out of prison today!” he sobbed.
An attorney was sitting in his office late one
night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil
told the lawyer, ‘I have a proposition for you.
You can win every case you try, for the rest of
your life. Your clients will adore you, your
colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will
make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in
exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your
children’s souls, the souls of your parents,
grandparents, and parents in law, and the souls
of all your friends and law partners.’
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then
asked, ‘So, what’s the catch?’
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
If it looks easy, it’s hard.
If it looks hard, it’s impossible.
If it looks impossible,
it’s due tomorrow. At 8 AM.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in
What did the blonde say when she looked inside
the box of Cheerios?
‘Oh look, donut seeds’
I didn’t work my way to the top of the food chain
to eat vegetables.
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When the pastor asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
“Pull down your pants,” the pastor whispered.
“Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind,” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service.”