That’s Not Funny


Wait, wait, I gotta go back. I forgot to tell you that the kangaroo was left-handed….

I’m sure that, at least once, you’ve all encountered a joke-teller – really, a joke-killer – like the one above. THAT’S NOT FUNNY!

I suppose that one of the reasons I’m interested in jokes and comedy, is that they require crisp, clear, concise, complete communication. The Devil, and the humor, is often in the details.

I first started hearing and collecting jokes when I entered Grade 1. The worldly-wise Grade 2 boys had worldly-wise (for 6/7 year-olds) jokes.

Bobby’s mother sent him to the store to pick up some groceries. On the way home, he tripped, and he and the bag of groceries fell into a mud puddle.  “Jesus Christ Almighty,” he said angrily.  A passing Minister demanded, “What did you say?”  I just said, “The cheese and rice got all muddy.

That joke is not funny, but a six-year-old boy trying out public profanity for the first time, and desperately attempting to evade adult retribution is.

Some people just should not be allowed to (try to) tell jokes. They may be the same people who wander from lane to lane, make left turns from the right lane or drive at 50MPH in the fast lane on the Interstate.

I was at a business dinner one evening, when I heard the beginnings of a joke, so I jammed my ear in to catch it.

The Good-Old-Boy Southern Sheriff dragged Bubba up before the judge. The judge asked, “What’s the charge?”  The Sheriff answered, “Arson, Your Honor.”  The judge said, “There’s been too much of that going on recently.  That’ll be a $300 fine.”

There were a few polite chuckles, and suddenly, everybody had somewhere else to be. THAT’S NOT FUNNY.  Two years later, I was at another meeting, and heard the beginning of the same joke.

The Good-Old-Boy Southern Sheriff dragged Bubba up before the judge. The judge asked, “What’s the charge?”  The Sheriff answered, “Arson, Your Honor.”  The judge said, “There’s been too much of that going on recently.  Now I want you to marry the girl, and make an honest woman of her.”

Oh, arson/arsin’. How could someone not get that punch line, or think that a fine was funny?

In mining a joke site, I recently downloaded what I, at first, thought was a cute joke that I could include in a comedy post. The more I studied it, the more I realized that, THAT’S NOT FUNNY.

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass, yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know shit?” And then she went back to reading her book.

With a bit of study and thought, what at first seems innocent and amusing, soon becomes a desperate Christian attempt at an Atheist joke. For a joke to work, like a book or movie, there must be a voluntary suspension of disbelief.  This thing is chock-a-block with heavy-handed failure.

Airlines do not place ‘little girls’ next to random older men, whether Atheist or not. They put them next to their mother or father, or at least nearby.  A random pedophile might start a conversation with a little girl, but an Atheist would know that a parent would soon interfere, since Christians deem them more dangerous than pedophiles.  I just love the insertion of, “smiled smugly.”

Atheists don’t generally discuss, what is an adult theme, with children until they are old enough to think on their own. Cows, horses and deer don’t actually eat the same thing – grass, and there are physiological reasons for the differences in their scat, despite the Atheist’s inability to respond.

The Christian girl is shown to be more intelligent and knowledgeable than the adult Atheist, and the ‘don’t know shit’ line just pounds home Atheists’ apparent ignorance. While not capitalized in the joke, it is obvious that the girl returns to reading, not just ‘her book,’ but her Book, the Holy Bible, from which all knowledge of shit flows.

I’ll be back soon with some jokes that actually are funny.   😆

19 thoughts on “That’s Not Funny

  1. David P. Cantrell says:

    Fun post. Have you read the Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar by Cathcart & Klein. It and its companion book, Aristotle and an Aardvark Go To Washington, are worth the effort.


    • Archon's Den says:

      Plato and the platypus are drinking Starbuck’s coffee at the local book store, but Aristotle and the aardvark haven’t arrived yet. 😆
      The library doesn’t know who either Cathcart or Klein are. They have 69 listings for the ‘….Go to Washington’ title – Mr. Smith, Donald Trump, Tinky-Winky the Teletubby – everybody except Aristotle. 😦 😯


  2. Dale says:

    So often true. So many “jokes” are far from funny.


  3. Some jokes are just in bad taste or should not be told in mixed company. I am one of those people who should just not tell jokes! Thanks for the smiles! Will look forward to those jokes that are funny.


    • Archon's Den says:

      I didn’t time this post very well. I published one full of real, funny jokes just 2 days before. Well, nobody complained. There’ll be more in a week or so. I try to schedule them for early Mondays, so that people can start their work-week with a smile, before the reality sets in. 😯


  4. Sightsnbytes says:

    A few Atheist jokes from a Catholic fan

    Q: What do you get when you cross an atheist and a Jehovah’s Witness?
    A: Somebody knocking at your door for no reason.

    Q: Why did the Atheist cross the road? A: He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.

    and finally…
    Q: What is so ironic about Atheists?
    A: They’re always talking about God.

    The third joke is especially true of you non believers. How many articles do you see written on my blog professing the existence of the Lord? I don’t write many because I know he is there. This is the same reason I have absolutely no blog posts on the legs of the chair I am sitting on…I know they are there. Now it’s off to church for me…Later…..


    • Archon's Den says:

      I commend you for your quiet faith. I would never mock you or it. Whether you believe it or not, your ‘religious belief’ and mine are really quite similar, probably more alike than either of us is to the sad, suspicious, insecure, exclusionary, judgemental person who wrote the above joke.
      I don’t usually refer to myself as an ‘Atheist,’ but others like him call me that. I told you before, I believe in God, just not ‘your God,’ subject to all the man-made rules and restrictions of your particular (or anybody else’s) religion.
      Atheists don’t ‘always talk about God.’ They talk about Christians, talking about God – claiming to know what He thinks and wants. If more Christians were like you, there’d be far fewer Atheists pointing out apparent mistakes and contradictions. 🙂


  5. Jim Wheeler says:

    For a joke to work, like a book or movie, there must be a voluntary suspension of disbelief.

    I thought that was a good insight. A dose of cynicism helps too. Humor is a tricky thing, something that’s hard to define, but you know it when you hear it.


  6. […] good Catholic, who thought that my That’s Not Funny post wasn’t that funny, sent me some more Christian vs. Atheists […]


  7. […] in the hospital amusing, like the little kid who fell into a mud puddle (and profanity) in my That’s Not Funny post, I think it acts more like a truth serum, and reveals a lot about his basic character and […]


  8. […] my That’s Not Funny post, I recently read this […]


  9. Kenneth T. says:

    But that last line had me in stitches. LoL


  10. makagutu says:

    Whoever came up with the not funny joke should improve on their delivery.


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