I have some alien DNA in me, though I think many of you have suspected that for some time.
For the letter
I think I’ll write about DNA
I woke up the other day. (And congratulated myself for doing it.) I crawled out of bed, threw on a grubby tee-shirt and a pair of track pants, went downstairs and began the ‘feed and water the animals’ routine, including me. I walked into the living room. I sat down in my big easy chair. I picked up the day’s newspaper – and absently scratched my right leg.
WOW indeed! Just from gently touching it, it was now intensely itchy – and a burning kind of sore. A spot about the size of a silver dollar, 6 inches above my knee was hard, hot, red, swollen and inflamed.
When I complained, the wife told me to come over to her chair and pull my pants down. There were times in the past that that could have led to something interesting. The only way I know that is because I have it written down. I can’t remember.
This thing had an even redder spot in the center. What the Hell was it? Necrotizing fasciitis – that ‘flesh-eating disease’? Better not be. I’m so chubby that it could die of indigestion. A cat scratch? There would have been more than one, and a scratch, not a single point. An insect bite? I seldom go outside, and when I do, I wear heavy jeans and boots. A bedbug bite? There’d be more than one, and the sheets are clean.
In my It’s In The Jeans post, I already showed how much alien human DNA I have in me. I don’t need any non-human DNA. I don’t want to be like that guy in the Alien movies, and have a mouthful of fangs erupt from my chest.
When I mentioned it to the wife’s podiatrist a couple of days later, he suggested it might be a boil. I still have a scar on my right forearm from a teenage boil. This ain’t growing, and it’s no boil. When the wife looked at it, her best guess was an ingrown hair, and she promptly proceeded to do exactly what we tell teenagers not to do with a zit. She applied two thumbnails, and popped it.
Like teenaged zits, she forced some of the poisons back into the surrounding flesh, making it look almost like a bruise. I spent the next week, slathering antiseptic cream on it, trying not to scratch like a kid with chicken pox, and hoping that my DNA was stronger than any old alien DNA. I’m back to what passes for normal, but perhaps only because the alien broke his lease, and abandoned this condemned structure. 😉
Oops! Was I supposed to put a medical warning at the top?? Sorry about those photos. Eye and brain bleach is available in the lobby at reasonable prices.