On-Line One-Liners

Ditzy Blonde

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and she forgot
where she put her pencil.

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently, more than two three, because my basement is still dark.

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If everything is under control, you’re moving too slowly.

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Couch potato? Sounds delicious; does anyone have a recipe? I’d look for one, but I’m reclining in front of the TV.

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Cutting a gateau into slices looks difficult; turns out it’s a piece of cake.

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Don’t worry about parallel lines and vanishing points. It’s all a matter of perspective.

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Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: ‘Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’

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Amputations cost an arm and a leg these days.

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Atoms are made up of small subatomic particles called protons, neutrons, electrons and morons. My atoms have extra morons.

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Never trust what an atom tells you. They make up everything.

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You know you’re a bad driver when your GPS says, “In 400 feet, stop and let me out.”

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I almost borrowed a book from the library called HOW to HUG; until I noticed it was volume twelve of an encyclopedia…

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I also foolishly invested in a failing graffiti business; I didn’t see the writing on the wall.

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I have one of those memory foam cushions, but I can’t remember where I put it.

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Eco-friendly computers can be constructed from the outer layers of tree trunks, but they turn out to be all bark and no byte.

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Did you hear about the scientist who froze himself down to absolute zero? He’s OK now.

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I can’t decide if I like this variable temperature hair dryer; I’m blowing hot and cold.

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I found a great site that sells sausages online; but the link’s broken.

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I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. Now I’m trapped in a tiny gap next to the wall.

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How do we know that the Earth isn’t flat? If it were, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now.

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I just joined the Flat Earth Society. We have members all around the globe.

 

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