How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear and she forgot
where she put her pencil.
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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently, more than two three, because my basement is still dark.
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If everything is under control, you’re moving too slowly.
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Couch potato? Sounds delicious; does anyone have a recipe? I’d look for one, but I’m reclining in front of the TV.
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Cutting a gateau into slices looks difficult; turns out it’s a piece of cake.
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Don’t worry about parallel lines and vanishing points. It’s all a matter of perspective.
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Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: ‘Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’
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Amputations cost an arm and a leg these days.
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Atoms are made up of small subatomic particles called protons, neutrons, electrons and morons. My atoms have extra morons.
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Never trust what an atom tells you. They make up everything.
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You know you’re a bad driver when your GPS says, “In 400 feet, stop and let me out.”
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I almost borrowed a book from the library called HOW to HUG; until I noticed it was volume twelve of an encyclopedia…
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I also foolishly invested in a failing graffiti business; I didn’t see the writing on the wall.
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I have one of those memory foam cushions, but I can’t remember where I put it.
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Eco-friendly computers can be constructed from the outer layers of tree trunks, but they turn out to be all bark and no byte.
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Did you hear about the scientist who froze himself down to absolute zero? He’s OK now.
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I can’t decide if I like this variable temperature hair dryer; I’m blowing hot and cold.
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I found a great site that sells sausages online; but the link’s broken.
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I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. Now I’m trapped in a tiny gap next to the wall.
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How do we know that the Earth isn’t flat? If it were, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now.
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I just joined the Flat Earth Society. We have members all around the globe.
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Maybe you should move. Your blondes are a lot dumber than ours. 😉 😆
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😜
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I heard a story from an airline ticket seller who had a customer that wanted to know when there was a flight from JFK to the Chicago, O’Hare airport. The ticket agent said that there was a flight that departed JFK at 9:00 a.m. and arrived O’Hare at 9:01 a.m. When she asked him if he wished to purchase a ticket, he declined, but stated his intent of coming to the airport to watch it take off.
Spoiler alert: Chicago is one time zone behind New York.
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LOL!
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That’s what I needed to make my day. 😉
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