Another Line Of One-Liners


Santa Claus now has 10 reindeer. He’s taken on Rudolph’s brother, Henry the brown-nose reindeer.
Henry can run as fast as Rudolph, but his depth perception isn’t as good.
If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY.
That’s how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
I told my boyfriend we could watch porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video…
He was super psyched, until I fucked the pizza guy.
I learned yesterday that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child’s body in less than a minute…
On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium…
My sexual desires have been getting out of control…
But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I knew I’d hit rock bottom…
I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.
I should probably get that checked out.
What do you call an IT teacher who has sex with his students?
A PDF File.
I speak my mind….
Because it hurts to bite my tongue all the time.
Calm down! Take a deep breath –
and hold it for 20 minutes
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Don’t know, don’t care.
I just cancelled my gym membership.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
I go to the gym so seldom, I still call it James.
EXERCISE??! I thought you said ‘Extra fries.’
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on the same book for years….
….The Church
As a kid, I used to stick my tongue out to flirt with girls. My parents disapproved.
As an adult, the girl’s parents disapprove.
A man dies and goes to heaven. He meets God and asks him “What is the meaning of life?”
“Well, if I told you, it’d ruin the joke”
I got pulled over by a policeman… He came to the window and said “Papers…”
I said ‘scissors, I win!’ and drove off!
He must be desperate for a rematch as he’s been chasing me for ages!
We hang our petty thieves, and elect the great ones to public office.



2 thoughts on “Another Line Of One-Liners

  1. BrainRants says:

    I believe I used the ignorant/apathetic one in a book… great list!


    • Archon's Den says:

      A merry Monday morning to you….as Shimoniac and I enjoy a Canadian Thanksgiving holiday. Steak instead of turkey for Thanksgiving, and beer for Oktoberfest, in your honor. 😀 🌯


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