Travel Jokes
Las Vegas
I phoned up to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act.
It was an automated phone system which said:
‘Press 1 for the money / 2 for the show’
Hotel Reception
Two men in full armor walk into a hotel lobby.
One says, “A room for two knights please.”
Snow & Skiing
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Hotel Restaurant
The waiter asked me, “Would you like to hear today’s special?”
“Yes please,” I smiled…
“Today is special.” he replied, then sashayed off.
Swimming Pool
A man climbs the diving board with a fish.
The pool guard says: “What are you doing with that fish?”
The man replies: “Triple somersault with pike.”
Hotel Gym
Exercise bikes get you nowhere.
Cruise Ship
I’ve been watching a documentary about how they build cruise ships.
It was riveting.
Train Journey
If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 Up is Lemonade!
Holiday Photos
My camera keeps falling off the strap.
It’s a bit of a loose Canon.
Hotel Garden
Just saw the hotel Gardener crying over his lawnmower.
He is just going through a rough patch!
Airline
Cabin Crew said to me, sir, would you like to have dinner?
Me: What are the options?
Cabin crew: Yes or no.
Egypt
My wife just asked me, “Can we go on a camel?”
I said, “No way….it would take ages to get there on a camel!”
USA Burgers
How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?
Meat Patty
Archon's Den 