How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?….
….One, they’re efficient, but not funny
You’re not completely useless….
….You can always serve as a bad example
I broke my finger last week….
….On the other hand, I’m okay
A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar, and holds up two fingers….
….and says, “Five beers please”
Someone stole my Microsoft Office, and they’re going to pay….
….You have my Word
I tried to catch fog yesterday….
….Mist
Working in a mirror factory…
….is something I can see myself doing
I registered with an online dating service….
….They matched me up with a recliner and a TV
No-one asks me for my recipes….
….just the antidotes
Prophecy class cancelled….
….due to unforeseen circumstances
Well, to be Frank….
….I’d have to change my name
Our mountains aren’t just funny….
….they’re hill areas
These tee-shirts were tested on animals….
….they didn’t fit
None of my relatives suffer from mental illness….
….they all seem to enjoy it
Stupidity knows no boundaries….
….but it knows a lot of people
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “thank you” will do….
….None of this “How did you get in my house?” business.
Just say NO to drugs….
….well, if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said YES
What would The Jetsons be called if they were black?….
….The Jetsons, you racist bastard
Just because it’s a bad idea….
….doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time
If life gives you melons….
….you may be dyslexic
I hate Russian dolls….
….They’re so full of themselves (That’s an inside joke.)
***
Happy New Year’s to one and all. It’s a happy coincidence that we can start the new year off with a laugh or two. Here’s hoping that we’re still smiling at the end of it. 😀 😆 See you there.
Happy New Year to you, funny guy!
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Bonne
poutineannee from us in Oktoberfest Central. It’s been nice to have you regularly stop by and comment. My Ego suggests that it would be pleasant to do it some more. 😀 😀LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe… it’s been nice coming around so I shall continue to stroke your ego in the new year 😉😉
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😀 😀
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I laughed… and groaned… at the same time.
Happy New Year!!
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Yeah, it’s funny as Hell…. when it happens to someone else. 😳
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Hilarious one liners which my hubby loves. I will share with him for sure. Happy New Year!
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Lucky, happy hubby. There’ll be another serving in 8 weeks, but I hope you’ll visit again before then. 😀
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Well of course!! Happy New Year!!
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Happy New Year! Thanks for the levity; we can all use some more.
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I’ve been thinking of doing a week of nothing but jokes…. possibly around income tax time, when we’ll need it most. 😛
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Liv’s favorite joke:
“Did you hear the one about Orion’s Belt? No? That’s alright. It is a WAIST of time. Three stars.”
I am sharing this post with her. She’ll love it!
Happy New Year!!!
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I knew that a belt made of wristwatches was a waist of time – but I got no stars for that. Her version is more a thinking man’s joke, for the likes of Rants and guys named Neil DeGrasse Tyson. 😀
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2018 was a train wreck of a year. Surely there’s nowhere to go but up? Ain’t that right, Shirley?
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I certainly hope so, but I’ve been disappointed before. Just when I think that the American public has reached the nadir of stupidity, some fool starts digging. 😳
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Happy New Year, Archon. Thank you for making me laugh and think.
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There’ll be no thinking on this site. 😉 I don’t want to look bad. Just mindlessly enjoy it, like I do. 😆
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