You Know You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When…
- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
- You’re the employee of the month at the local Starbucks and you
don’t even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- All your kids are named “Joe.”
- Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up.
Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.
- Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity
in a coffee can.
- You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
- You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
- You get drunk just so you can sober up.
- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You don’t tan, you roast.
- You can’t even remember your second cup.
- You introduce your spouse as your “Coffeemate.”
- You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
- You have too much blood in your caffeine system.
- The barista asks you how you take your coffee, and you reply, “Very, very seriously!”
- You find sleep a weak substitute for coffee.