You Know You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When…
- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using
the timer. - You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
- You’re the employee of the month at the local Starbucks and you
don’t even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
margaritas. - You can jump-start your car without cables.
- All your kids are named “Joe.”
- Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up.
Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.” - The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.
- Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity
in a coffee can. - You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
- You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
- You get drunk just so you can sober up.
- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You don’t tan, you roast.
- You can’t even remember your second cup.
- You introduce your spouse as your “Coffeemate.”
- You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
- You have too much blood in your caffeine system.
- The barista asks you how you take your coffee, and you reply, “Very, very seriously!”
- You find sleep a weak substitute for coffee.
Anyone considering time travel should consider that coffee was known only to native Americans before 1492.
LikeLike
That would be chocolate (cocoa) Jim, or less excitingly, potatoes. Coffee started out in Ethiopia and Yemen, but has only been around about the same amount of time. Thank an imaginary deity for it, or BrainRants wouldn’t get anything accomplished. 😉 😆
LikeLike
You’re right of course, Archon. I had a brain fart!
LikeLike
Buahaha! I like coffee… but more than three cups per day? Nope… and three only on some days and when the shakes come… time to eat or something!
LikeLike
I worked with a guy in the auto-parts plant. He didn’t like coffee, but couldn’t deal with the day-shift without it. He’d have two cups before leaving home, and another in the lunchroom (which was 100 feet from our line) before we started. Couldn’t get through till break, so he’d dash over at 8:30, and drink one as he worked. Another 1 or 2 at 9:30 break, another dash at 11:15, and at least one more at noon lunch. I don’t know why he didn’t piss himself. 👿
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good gawd… And he didn’t like coffee? Kinda nuts, no? And seriously… all that goes in, must eventually go out 😀
LikeLike
😛
LikeLike