One-Liners Rub off On You

Comedy

I got a new dry-erase board at work….
….It’s remarkable

People who can’t distinguish between etymology and entomology….
….bug me in ways that I cannot put into words

I could tell you about my addiction to reading books….
….but that’s another story

If you boil a funny-bone….
….you get a laughing-stock
….This is humerus.

I didn’t think that my orthopedic shoes would work….
….but I stand corrected

Why did the coffee file a police report?….
….It got mugged

A toothpick saw a hedgehog….
….”Oh, wow, a bus.” it said.

How do you teach schoolchildren about God?….
….Gather them all in a classroom, and then don’t show up.

I swallowed a laxative with Holy water….
….I’m going to start a religious movement

I nearly bought a hill today….
….but it was too steep

Some people think my puns are juvenile….
….but I like to think of them as full groan

I once had a job prospecting for gold….
….but it didn’t pan out

I got a job in a guillotine factory….
….I’ll be heading there soon

I had amnesia once….
…or twice???

They told me that I was gullible….
….and I believed them

You shouldn’t try to write with a broken pencil….
….It’s pointless

I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey….
….but I turned myself around

Never argue with a fool….
….they will lower you to their level, and beat you with experience

How do you seduce a fat woman?….
….piece of cake

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way….
….so I stole a bike, and asked for forgiveness

Practice makes perfect….
….but nobody’s perfect, so why practice?

The floor was so dusty….
…. that it seemed to be suffering from sweep deprivation.

11 thoughts on “One-Liners Rub off On You

  1. […] Some bad puns, the only kinds were worth reading, from this post: […]

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  2. Dale says:

    Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck! 😉

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  3. A nice set of chuckles for a Monday morning. Thanks, Archon.

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  4. The second one and the fifth one from the bottom are pretty clever.

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    • Archon's Den says:

      I see why those two would resonate with you. They’re not the funniest, but they’ve probably got the most to say. Friday’s post will be about ‘frivolity,’ and how I use humor to discuss sad/serious topics. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. By the way, I have shared a couple of your posts on my Facebook timeline. Is that acceptable, or are we supposed to ask for your permission before posting them?

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    • Archon's Den says:

      Share away! The more exposure I get, the better I like it. 😀
      I’m told that one should ask but, I’ve had several of my posts reblogged, and no-one asked me, or even notified me. If it weren’t for the automatic WordPress notification, I wouldn’t have known that it happened. 😳

      Liked by 1 person

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