Book Review #22

Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven

Mark Twain, making fun of Christians’ beliefs about heaven. 

The book: Captain Stormfield’s Visit To Heaven

The author: Mark Twain = Samuel Langhorne Clemens

The review: This is a short story written by Mark Twain, about 1868. It was not published until 1909 – 41 years later – because it was thought to insult all the Good Christians.

The story follows Captain Elias Stormfield on his decades-long cosmic journey to Heaven; his accidental misplacement after racing a comet; his short-lived interest in singing and playing the harp (generated by his preconceptions of heaven); and the general obsession of souls with the celebrities of Heaven such as Adam, Moses, and Elijah, who according to Twain become as distant to most people in Heaven as living celebrities are on Earth (an early parody of celebrity culture). Twain uses this story to show his view that the common conception of Heaven is ludicrous, and points out the incongruities of such beliefs with his characteristic adroit usage of hyperbole.

Much of the story’s description is given by the character Sandy McWilliams, a cranberry farmer who is very experienced in the ways of Heaven. Sandy gives Stormfield, a newcomer, the description in the form of a conversational question-and-answer session. The Heaven described by him is similar to the conventional Christian Heaven, but includes a larger version of all the locations on Earth, as well as of everywhere in the universe (which mention of, albeit as a backdrop, is the last science fiction element).

All sentient life-forms travel to Heaven, often through interplanetary or interstellar space, and land at a particular gate (which are without number), which is reserved for people from that originating planet. Each newcomer must then give his name and planet of origin to a gatekeeper, who sends him in to Heaven.

Once inside, the person spends eternity living as it thinks fit, usually according to its true (sometimes undiscovered) talent. According to one of the characters, a cobbler who “has the soul of a poet in him won’t have to make shoes here,” implying that he would instead turn to poetry and achieve perfection in it.

On special occasions a procession of the greatest people in history is formed; on the occasion of Stormfield’s arrival, this includes Buddha, William Shakespeare, Homer, Mohammed, Daniel, Ezekiel, and Jeremiah plus several otherwise unknown people whose talents far exceeded those of the world’s pivotal figures, but who were never famous on Earth.

As Stormfield proceeds through Heaven he learns that the conventional image of angels as winged, white-robed figures bearing haloes, harps, and palm leaves is a mere illusion generated for the benefit of humans, who mistake “figurative language” for accurate description (the wings are part of their uniforms, and not functionally wings); that all of Heaven’s denizens choose their ages, thus aligning themselves with the time of life at which they were most content; that anything desired is awarded to its seeker, if it does not violate any prohibition; that the prohibitions themselves are different from those envisioned on Earth; that each of the Earth-like regions of Heaven includes every human being who has ever lived on it; that families are not always together forever, because of decisions made by those who have died first; that white-skinned people are a minority in Heaven; that kings are not kings in Heaven (Charles II is a comedian while Henry VI has a religious book-stand), etc.

Making fun of slavery was one thing, but making fun of people’s cherished Christian beliefs was something else entirely. This book never did well, and even many Twain aficionados are not aware of it.


8 thoughts on “Book Review #22

  1. Rivergirl says:

    I admit to never hearing of this one either. Interesting…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jim Wheeler says:

    I hadn’t heard of this book either, but I knew Clemens’ views on religion and that he grew more cynical at the end of his life.

    I enjoyed your review here. It raises obvious questions about the concept of heaven. Sometime in the distant past I recall watching some quiz program, it might have been Family Feud. The question was asked, “how do you think you will spend your time in heaven?” None of the answers made much sense and one of them was, “watching TV”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      I guess for many people, sitting on the couch, with a joint in one hand, and a beer in the other, watching game shows is their idea of heaven. It’s the only way that tRump, as President, makes sense. 🙄


  3. Daniel Digby says:

    I’m only surprised it wasn’t banned outright for its blasphemy. Imagine, white-skinned people are a minority in Heaven? Who did he think was running heaven? It’s good that children are protected from such horrible thoughts.

    At least he was right about angels not having wings, unless you think cherubim and seraphim are angels. However, humans do have wings (Psalm 91:4 and Genesis 1:27).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      I know! The nerve of Heaven to not measure up to Christians’ expectations. We may have to arrange to put it under new management…. What color is Satan??! 😳
      I just finished composing a post about local Catholics who refuse to fly a rainbow Pride flag during June, but feel ‘bullied’ when others call them narrow-minded and bigoted. Whaaaah. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If anyone here gets a chance to visit the Mark Twain House and the Harriet Beecher Stowe House in Hartford, Connecticut, you might really enjoy the visit. That was my late mother’s hometown. Alex Trebek has shown his personal visits on Jeopardy on several occasions over the years.


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