The League of Sedentary Gentlemen

I have joined a prestigious, if none too exclusive club.  The League of Sedentary Gentlemen graciously offered me an honorary membership, just because I mentioned that my idea of exercise is a good, brisk sit.  I questioned accepting membership in a group that would accept me as a member

They all sit around (what else) texting each other with suggestions for the best way to get a wife, or grandkid, or a guilt-ridden neighbor to bring them another beer or a fresh mint julep.  Well, most of the rest of them do.  I’m an old technological Luddite, still trying to figure out the intricacies of these new-fangled touch-tone phones.

I tried to talk one or more of them into coming over to the house and explaining it to me, but none of them want to leave the safety and comfort of their living room or front porch.  They claim that if they relieve pressure on their butt-cheeks, their prostates will swell.

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life, fetchin’ and totin’ for other folks.  I just thought that it was time to sit back, take it easy, and deeply cogitate about… sittin’ back and taking it easy.  There are no problems that are too deep or complex, that they can’t be addressed with the judicious use of a remote control, and/or an intercom or walkie-talkie.  I’ve got this COVID ‘sheltering at home’ thing down to a fine science.

I have so impressed so many of the group, that I am considering standing for election as President of the League, but standing can get you tossed out of this loosely rational knit organization.  I expect to sit, comfortably, both before and after I achieve total control.  My dynamite campaign trick will be to distribute a NSFW photo of my ass, showing the corduroy marks from the extra pillow that I added to my computer chair.

I have a lot of great ideas for the League, that don’t involve strenuous movement.  I’d like to set up a group of online webinars, with titles like, ‘Leaving the Rocker/Recliner To Go To Bed: Good Idea, or Bad?’‘How Do You Know When You’ve Had Enough Nothing?’ – ‘Door-Dash, Skip The Dishes, and Uber-Eats: Pillars of the Republic! and ‘Screened Front Porches: Salvation Of The Nation!’

I might become so famous and well-known that I could sit on the Supreme Court – as long as I get an aide who will wheel me into the courtroom.  What is your position on abortion?  Recumbent, on the couch.  The sun can rise every day, but I am not that motivated.  I have an irresistible force to remain an immovable object.

I wouldn’t object if you expressed your unwavering support for my plan.  I’ll take your word for it.  It’s not like I’m going to actually get up and check.

Another labor-saving position

 

10 thoughts on “The League of Sedentary Gentlemen

  1. Tai Paslaptis says:

    Hi, I would recommend trademarking your phrase ‘a good, brisk sit’ before some Therapeutic Armchair Sales Company steals it as a sales slogan. Best wishes for Xmas from the UK or ‘Plague Island’ as we are now affectionately known in international circles.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Archon's Den says:

      Thanx for the virtual visit. As the vaccine becomes available, you will be able to physically visit – if you so wish. I recommend against visiting Canada, at least until May or June. With our brisk weather, it’s not surprising that so many of our founding fathers were Scottish. 🙄

      Like

      • Tai Paslaptis says:

        Being a ‘soft southerner’ I will heed your advice. I do plan to visit one day when the madness is over. As a good late friend from Vancouver once told me, Canadians are ‘nice Americans’ and to always start there before venturing south of the border. Keep up the good work, your posts make me smile and at the moment that is a precious commodity.😁

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tai Paslaptis says:

        In the interests of fairness, I’m sure there are many nice Americans south of the border as well!

        Like

      • Archon's Den says:

        I’ve met quite a few nice ones, but the percentages seem skewed in Canada’s favor…. oops – Favour. I need to remember that I’m conversing with a Queen’s subject – if you don’t object. 😉 😀

        Like

      • Tai Paslaptis says:

        There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of deference👍

        Like

  2. Rivergirl says:

    Is it possible for a woman to join this club? Because since mid August I’ve spent more time on my couch than I have in the previous 20 years.
    My cushions are sagging… and so is my posterior. What more qualifications could you want?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      I thought that most wives would automatically assume that their husband was already a member. Since I felt that they would be too busy fetchin’ and totin’, it didn’t occur to me that they would want to join the club. I’ll fix that. As soon as I become President, I’ll organize a Women’s Auxiliary. My wife will be the First Symbolic Presiding Presidentess – if I can pry her away from the television and/or her knitting.
      Since her eye operation, she has knit two sets of booties and matching hats for the oncoming GREAT-grandchild, and a pair of fingerless mitts for her girlfriend. YouTube recently sent her a notice. While they appreciate the views, she is wearing out all her favorite music videos. 🙄

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rivergirl says:

        And is the dues yearly or monthly? I’d hate to have to get up and walk all the way to the mailbox every 30 days. That sounds exhausting.

        Like

      • Archon's Den says:

        No need to walk to the mailbox. Fees will automatically be deducted from your bank account each month…. unless you don’t keep an eye on your statements, and then the Nigerian Prince might deduct more than once. 🙄

        Liked by 1 person

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