The guy who fell into the upholstery machine last week….
….Is now fully recovered
I need to practice some social distancing….
….From the fridge
My friend Jay had twin girls recently, and wanted to name them after himself….
….I suggested Kaye and Elle.
There’s not too many old guys like me left….
….The last mammoth stampede killed a lot of them.
Let me describe myself in three words….
….Lazy
Sex jokes aren’t funny….
….Because I don’t get it.
Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?….
….That’s the spirit
To keep up with the times, shouldn’t TV dinners….
….be called satellite dishes?
You’ve reached my age….
….if one of your favorite memories, is a comb.
How many Grumpy Old Dudes like me does it take to change a light bulb?….
….None. We just light a candle and wait for a woman to do it.
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?….
….We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?….
….We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight.
How many Management Information Services people does it take to change a light bulb?….
….MIS (IT) has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request number 359712. Please use this number for any future references to the light-bulb issue.
Yo Momma is so fat….
….That no-one can social-distance her.
Yo Momma’s so fast….
….She ate the S
Yo Momma’s so fat….
….It took three days to find you when you were born
I just learned sign language….
….I find it quite handy
I’ve been trying to come up with a joke about erections….
….But it’s too hard
I always wanted to be rich….
….But everybody still calls me dick.
What do men with Erectile Dysfunction need?….
….Some help from a speCIALISt
I’m groaning. But in a good way…
😉
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But has the face-flush gone away??
No-one ever looks like our anticipated mental image of them. At least I hide behind my cat. 😉 😯
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My younger brother actually works for an upholstery shop, so I especially enjoyed that particular witticism.
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Do you needle him about his choice of employment? 😉 I’d better quit before somebody puts a camel through that particular eye. 😯 My younger brother worked for a couple of years for an awning company – same, only different. 🙂
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Did the awning company have a lot of overhead?
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When they weren’t busy throwing shade at their competitors. 😳
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Hehehe…thanks for the laughs 😂😂😂
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I cast them upon the waters, and they return to me sevenfold. 🙂
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