Did you hear my new joke about pee?….
….Thank God no-one leaked it
I wanted to tell a joke about Amazon….
….But I’d probably fuck up the delivery
I just found out that I have Multiple Personality Disorder….
….I gotta tell the other guys
Why do women hate sexist jokes?….
….Because they only get 77% of them.
Freud was such an incesting man….
….Interesting! I meant Interesting.
There is no lifeguard….
….In the gene pool
Did you know that protons have mass?….
….I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
I called a discount exterminator….
….A guy came by with a rolled-up newspaper.
When my wife was in labor I told her jokes to ease the pain….
….She wasn’t amused, it must have been the delivery.
I would love to tell a chemistry joke….
….But all the good ones Argon.
I have one Islam joke….
….But I’m afraid I also only have one head.
Sometimes I wrestle with my Demons….
….Sometimes we just snuggle
Honk!!….
….If you like noise.
Marriage is grand….
….Divorce is a hundred grand
I had a life….
….But my job ate it.
What do you call a cow with two legs?….
….Lean beef
You tell an actor to ‘break a leg’….
….because every show has a cast.
What do you call birds of a feather, who stick together?….
….Vel-crows
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology….
….Do not read it!
If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight….
….there would be mass confusion.
Don’t tell a ‘dad joke’ if you are not a father….
….It’s a faux pa
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese….
….But it’s only mild
I’ve just written a song about tortillas….
….Actually, it’s more of a rap.
My wife told me that sex is better on vacation….
….Not the best postcard I’ve received.
Nouns piss grumpy old Archon off….
….You know, people, places, and things.
I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween….
….Now he won’t come when I call him.
An unemployed jester….
….is nobody’s fool.
No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be going round in circles….
….Having a broken arm while in a wheelchair isn’t ideal.
I won’t go near trees….
….There’s something shady about them.
You have to hand it to short people….
….Because they can’t reach it.
Vel-crows? I think you can hear me groaning from here…
🤣
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I thought that was a collective sigh of relief from America, when they realized that tRump is truly gone. 😉 👿
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That was just me. It was pretty loud….
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And here I thought you were more of an old fart, gassing on all the time! It ain’t the lack of lifeguards for the gene pool, it’s the HUGE shallow end that needs to be drained…..
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There’s a lot of farting around as I grow older. Both top and bottom orifices seem to get looser.
Now that tRump isn’t drinking the bleach anymore, we should pour it in the pool.
If you have any interest, a couple of my tales of visiting BrainRants and H.E.Ellis are here https://archonsden.wordpress.com/2018/10/17/vulcan-at-the-forge/ and here. https://archonsden.wordpress.com/2018/11/14/that-fills-the-bill/ . 😀
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Great stuff as always, sir.
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And thanx, as always. In two weeks, only real jokes, but lots more one-liners in four weeks. 🙂
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[…] Pissing One-liners Away […]
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Great one liners, GOD! ((((Still laughing))))
(´∇ノ`*)ノ
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I was out last night, stealing some more from the neighbor’s tree. 😉 😳
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👍😂😂😂
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If you steal from one person, it’s plagiarism. If you steal from many, it’s called research. 😉 😜
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