Patient One-Liners

I had my patience tested….
….I’m negative.

Is there rehab for gossiping?….
….I don’t need it, but I’ll tell you does.

The sign on the brothel door said….
….Beat it, we’re closed.

If at first you don’t succeed….
….We have a lot in common.

I f***ing love asterisks….
….I swear by them.

I’m writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes….
….So far it’s just a draft.
….That first draft really blew me away.

How did the preacher get people to have faith in his words?….
….He became a scientist.

I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal….
….Elon-gate is too drawn-out.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong….
….A tax is a fine for doing well

My friend Jack claims that he can talk to vegetables….
….Jack and the beans talk.

Those who get too big for their britches….
….Will be exposed in the end.

Why do bagpipers walk while they play?….
….To get away from the noise.

Nobody thought that Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now….
….Alcoholic, and a racist.

The three worst blogging mistakes….
….1: Overpromising
….2: Underdelivering

Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled….
….I went to five today, and they all said Insufficient Funds.

Misspell one word, and the whole text is….
….Urined.

My psychiatrist said that I was immature, so I said I wanted a second opinion….
….He said that I was also delusional.

I have the memory of an elephant….
….I saw it at the zoo.

You know what always catches my eye?….
….Short people with umbrellas.

Lazy person fact #4348791….
….You’re too lazy to read that number.

Pluto just had a party….
….He didn’t even planet.

A man with schizophrenia walked into a bar….
….He bumped into nothing, because the bar is not real.

How do you walk a dog with no legs?….
….Hit him with the first pitch.

12 thoughts on “Patient One-Liners

  1. Newbloggycat says:

    Hahaha…I ❤️ *** 👍😜😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rivergirl says:

    Omg. I only made it to the brothel sign without cracking up.
    🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      It’s not a contest, as I’ve seen some comedy posts presented – You Laugh – You Lose. Giggle, tee-hee, guffaw as much as you want, anywhere you want. I’ll be back later with more. 😆 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. rulesoflogic says:

    LOVE this one:

    A fine is a tax for doing wrong….
    ….A tax is a fine for doing well

    Sorry for the “political” intrusion, but being resentful and envious of people who are wealthier than you is not a sound basis for public policy.
    If I’ve earned it legally, saved it legally and invested it legally, then it belongs to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As a former math tutor, I felt compelled to read the number anyway.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s