Powerful One-Liners

If electronic devices can all just charge wirelessly….
….Then more power to them.

My friend kept asking me what my military rank was….
….But I told him it was Private.

Why did the optometrist set his clock to Army time?….
….Because he wanted to see 20:20

A soldier went into an enemy bar….
….He got bombed.

What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?….
….A platoon.

My high school basketball team didn’t have ice on the sidelines….
….The guy with the recipe graduated.

Remember, if you don’t sin….
….Jesus died for nothing.

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist….
….My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

Don’t ask me about my pan pizza….
….It’s personal

A friend asked, “Aren’t you afraid to eat at those food trucks?”….
….When I eat, it’s the food that’s scared.

Every place is within walking distance….
….If you have enough time.

What do you call a student who cheated on every test through medical school?….
….Hopefully, not your doctor.

I’d like a job cleaning mirrors….
….It’s something I could really see myself doing.

If electricity comes from electrons….
….Morality comes from morons.

I finally decided to start working out….
….I did 15 minutes of cardio, 15 minutes of strength training,  and three days of hospital.

What do you call a tiny mother?….
….A minimum.

My wife is taking our son to a child psychologist….
….He said he wants to grow up just like me.

To anybody who received a book from me at Christmas….
….They’re overdue at the library.

I’m glad I wasn’t born in Germany….
….Because I can’t speak German.

Whoever invented Knock, Knock jokes….
….Should get a no bell prize.

Someone once told me to search for inner peace….
….I’ve looked.  It isn’t in here.

13 thoughts on “Powerful One-Liners

  1. Brandon Hall says:

    😂😂😂😂 so many of these are gold I can’t quote just one

    Like

  2. Newbloggycat says:

    Hahaha Jesus died for nothing..rubbed people the wrong way…morality comes from morons. I laugh until my heart hertz 😂😆😂😆

    Like

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Powerful, indeed.

    Like

  4. Rivergirl says:

    I’ll pretend I didn’t read the Marine IQ joke.
    😉

    Like

  5. garden2day says:

    “Remember, if you don’t sin….
    ….Jesus died for nothing.

    Don’t ask me about my pan pizza….
    ….It’s personal ”

    FANTASTIC!

    Like

  6. Where do you find all of these hilarious jokes?

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I go to the WordPress reader, and access humor and jokes, at least once a week. I read other folks’ submissions, then I just sieve out those I feel are acceptable – not too childish, not too sexist or racist. I made a mistake by publishing the ‘Marine with a 160 IQ’ joke, and offended a woman whose husband is a Marine. 😳

      Liked by 1 person

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