The 3 hardest things to say:
I was wrong.
I need help.
Two friends are driving through a town…
They see a billboard saying:
Vodka + water = kidney problems;
Rum + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other “Dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town”
The air in my apartment was so dry that we were getting shocked every time we touched a faucet or door knob. So, was I happy that my landlord finally installed a humidifier?
I was ecstatic!
There are many problems with math puns.
Calculus jokes are mostly derivative.
Trigonometry jokes are too graphic.
Algebra jokes are usually formulaic
Arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.
But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.
After seven girls, a couple finally have a boy. The next day, a friend visits them in the maternity ward. He asks, “So, which side of the family does he look like?”
They look at each other, and the Mother finally replies, “We haven’t looked at his face yet.”
Joe: “My girlfriend told me she’s splitting from me.”
Pete: “Why is she splitting?”
Joe: “She told me she was tired of me pretending I am a detective.”
Pete: “What did you say to her?”
Joe: “I told her splitting up was good, we could cover more ground.”
I was digging in the garden when I discovered a chest filled with gold coins. I was going to run into the house and tell my wife….
Then I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
The Prime Minister of Canada visited a kindergarten and asked them, “How much is the budget for each child’s food consumption per month?”
They told him: “$400.”
He said: “That is a lot. “ so they reduced it to $ 300. Then he visited the prisons and asked them: “How much is the prisoner’s food budget per month?”
They told him: “$400 sir.”
He said, “That is too little! Increase it to $1000!”
A minister accompanying him was appalled by the PM’s strange decision, so he asked him. “Honourable PM, I am curious. Why reduce the budget for food for the kindergarten children but increase the allowance for the prisoners?”
The PM replied: “Do you really think that after leaving the Government service, people like us would end up in the kindergarten?”
A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up. His boss asks him, “Jeez, what happened to your ears?” “Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron.” “Well that explains one ear,” the boss replied, “but what about the other one?” “I had to call the doctor!”