’22 A To Z Challenge – E

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everybody loves a good fart joke.  Well, there are some prudes who stick their noses in the air, and claim that they don’t, but if someone farts, having your nose up in the air is a good thing.

What would a cow’s fart smell like?  Dairy air.

This week’s word to ponder is

EFFLUVIUM

a slight or invisible exhalation or vapor, especially one that is disagreeable or noxious.
an unpleasant smell or exhalation, as of gaseous waste or decaying matter

The discussion forum, Quora, asked, “When was the most inappropriate time that you farted?”  A young female clerk had to enter the vault of a Fortune 500 company to get some forms.  Shortly after she entered, Mother Nature insisted that she vent some gas.  This wasn’t a lady-like little toot.  She didn’t remember eating anything that would cause it, but it was a blast that almost blew the gusset out of her pantyhose, and smelled like she’d eaten a dead skunk.

She thought, ‘At least I’m here alone.  There’ll be time for it to dissipate before anyone else comes in.’  The thought was still rattling around in her head, when the Vice-President entered.  She didn’t say a word, just put her head down, and walked out, hoping that the stress would prevent him from recognizing or identifying her.

A female comic once claimed that, “Women don’t sweat, and we don’t fart.  Hell!  If we didn’t bitch, we’d explode!”

Social convention says that, when a fart sneaks up on you and you’re with someone, or a group, you’re supposed to admit to it, and apologize.  If you feel one coming on, you are expected to move to a location with a lower population density.

One day, I rolled out of bed and immediately left the bedroom, down the hall, and back into the bathroom.  There, I did what lots of husbands do.  I ripped a BIG one – about three yards of sail canvas – F-f-f-f-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-t-t-t.  From 30 feet, a hallway, and a different room, away, I heard –Archon??!

Yes, Dear?
Well, you could apologize.
There is no-one here to smell it, that I might apologize to.
Well, you could go somewhere else to do that.
I am in the bathroom, with the exhaust fan on.  Where else would you suggest that I go??

Now she’s angry because I just proved that I need not do either one of two things that she feels are imperative.  It’s not like we have an HOA, or even a Neighborhood Decorum Committee which can assess fines.

A comedian once discussed farting and flying.  The average person farts about every half-hour – nothing major, just little toots.  By the end of an eight-hour flight, 250 passengers will have produced a total of 4000 farts.  It’s no wonder that the baby was crying.

An award was given to Ben Wilson of the University of British Columbia for his thesis on, “Sounds  Produced by Herring Bubble Release.”  Apparently, herring communicate by farting.

The average person’s output is about two cubic feet of gas per day.  Very early, NASA had to learn to develop filtration and compression systems for every space vehicle. With enough astronauts, and enough time, the pressure can rise high enough to cause a catastrophic blowout.

I am under no pressure to do anything but leave you with a wee chuckle.

13 thoughts on “’22 A To Z Challenge – E

  1. findthegoodthebadthesexygmailcom says:

    Ik it’s not lady like, lol, but I think farting is hilarious!

    Like

  2. Newbloggycat says:

    Ahh a deja-poot post! Think I better put on my mask! Lol! 😷😜😅😅

    Like

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Dairy Air.😂😂. Thank you. Like the poem says:

    Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
    The more you eat
    The more you fart
    The more you fart
    The better you feel (most of the time)
    So eat your beans with every meal.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rivergirl says:

    I’m not a fan of fart humor in general, but the book on herring conversation sounds like a blast.
    😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      It’s no wonder that students want to cut loose and throw giant, outdoor parties at Commencement and St. Patrick’s Day, if, otherwise, it’s so boring that a paper on fish farts gets an award. 😉 😳

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Daniel Digby says:

    “…when a fart sneaks up on you and you’re with someone, or a group, you’re supposed to admit to it, and apologize.”

    Apologize? You may remember George W. Crane (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_W._Crane), a syndicated columnist who was proud of his astronomical IQ. He also produced “Tests for Husbands and Wives” to evaluate whether you’re good marriage material. The woman gets extra credit for effusively extolling her husband’s manliness at every opportunity — which certainly would include any kind of manly fart.

    Fart proudly.

    Like

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