Parents Of Kids Say The Darnedest Things

Pros

Don’t cast aspirations on her femininity – Cast aspersions, instead.

It continues to reside in the attack. – I had to go up to the attic, to research this.

He spoke a sort of pigeon Galician – This pigeon thinks it should read pidgin.

So, needlessly to say – It was needless to use an adverb instead of an adjective.

He built the viaduct that brought the water – Then it would be an aqueduct.

Mary had a little lamb.  Her cheeks were white as snow – And the lamb’s fleece was white as snow.

The horseflies left whelps with their bites – The young whelps had welts on them.

The squad debauched from the fort – This debauched author meant debouched.

The pilot waggled the plane’s wings for an instance – an instance where it should read, instant.

The company was marketing Santinism. – They weren’t marketing the correct spelling of Satanism.

Phone gets stuck in base guitar – It’s fishy that there’s no bass.

Businessman revels how he got rich – If I were rich, I’d revel, but I wouldn’t reveal how I did it.

He sniffed his depreciation of the idea. – I’d appreciate him using deprecation

The family fortune was dilapidated – and my patience with this usage was depleted.

Amateurs

The idea has gained some exposer recently – Police arrested the exposer for indecent exposure.

Believe it or not – I found a Belief It Or Not Christian video – not wrong…. just wrong!

They were forced to be reckoned with. – I was forced to write, “A force to be reckoned with.”

An elderly none came in – but the nun would have none of that spelling.

She was dancing in the isleI’ll tell you that it should be aisle.

Vacuums don’t cause autism – Neither do vaccines.

I pulled up the parking brake leaver – Well, leave ‘er parked, and look up lever.

Darwin advocated ‘Survival of the Fitness’ – The fittest of us know that’s not true.

It could justify killing or torchering – That spelling is torturing me.

One only has to take a looksy – to know that it should be a look-see.

I was going to lambest him for saying that – I’s like to lambaste you for using lambest.

I’m into essential oils and incest. – Does your daughter know about this?

‘The Office’ is a meaty okra show. – About as mediocre as that spelling.

She said she got a Bachelorette Degree – Blondie meant a baccalaureate!!

I have only lent in my pocket – because you gave up your dictionary for lent.

A term that attempts to draft on an air of coolness – I drank some cool draft while I looked up graft.

This woman had the gull to insult him – A little bird told me she had gall.

He’s got the saddle soars to prove it – Lets waft on over to where they are sores.

***

Now that I’ve had something to say about some things that other people say, it’s back to business as usual.  What??!  Ranting IS my usual?  I dare you to read this post and say that.   😉

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17 thoughts on “Parents Of Kids Say The Darnedest Things

  1. Daniel Digby says:

    Not even your local newspaper can be that bad, so where do you find these gems? On the other hand our newspaper probably can meet some of those standards. I remember an article about a couple who met during WW2. Little did they know that history was about to happen to them.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Here and there. Books and blogposts I read. Many blogsites are to promote authors’ books. The local newspaper is not blameless. Only today, a car left the road and was flipped over when it struck a guide wire. 😳

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Rivergirl says:

    I admit I had to stop reading after a while. That positively hurt my head.
    😳

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have to say you’re my kind of guy. 🙂

    Like

  4. Newbloggycat says:

    My head is spinning 🤯Please pass me an aspirin.🤓😂😂😂

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Sorry, I don’t deal drugs. My head is also spun 😳
      Some of these slips seem easy enough to make. Others…. I wonder how hard they had to work, to be that wrong. All of them show lack of thought and attention, right back to their schooling. It proves my claim, that for over 50%, English is a spoken, not written, language. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  5. johnlmalone says:

    an entertaining, humorous excursion through the jungle of tangled words —

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This has to be one of the best grammar posts I’ve ever read. The way you artfully included each error in this post is almost like art—a true God given talent. I am quite obsessed with grammatical errors ever since my professor at one of my past colleges told us to look for a grammatical error in real life and send him a picture of it for extra credit. I am now inspired myself to make a post about grammar. You’re doing the lord’s work 😎

    Like

  7. Great fun, if rather offal (sic). Believe it or not I had to suffer the indignity of having idiots checking up on me to see if I was OK by shining torch lights on me. If that isn’t ‘torchure’ I don’t know what is! It sounds right, and the wonderful thing about English is is is the sounds that count.

    Liked by 2 people

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