Pensitivity101’s recycled Fibbing Friday
- What is the most intelligent life form on Earth?
Those are the viewers who come to read my Fibbing Friday output – and they are handsome, good-looking, and quite sexually attractive. They are intelligent, and not gullible, or easily taken in with false praise. They often wear rubber boots, and step high as they pass through. After the last of them have left, I sweep this up, spread it on the garden, and grow gigantic zucchini.
- Why did we really go to school?
So that our Moms could have a little ‘Adult Time” with their friends, Merlot and Prince Valium.
- What did teachers do during recess?
Until Marijuana dispensaries became legal, party favors in the teachers’ lounge were provided by a guy named Stoner. On a rotating basis, therapy sessions were provided by a circuit-rider psychiatrist, but there’s not much they can do in 15 minutes.
- How did you get to school?
After my Mother firmly insisted that I do so, I carefully placed one foot in front of the other, and repeated, until my nose bumped into the fount of education.
- What was life like before the Internet?
It was peaceful and quiet, yet, apparently people were unknowingly unhappy. We didn’t have Influencers, to tell us what food, clothing and performance artists to ‘Like,’ as well as Woke Snowflakes, with boundless supplies of Presentism, to show us how we should be appalled at what our ancestors did in good faith.
- What is the best thing about social media?
The ability to opt out. Some beautiful, two-digit IQ said something vapid and inane, and got 273,000 likes??! Not from me! Sorry, not sorry – I don’t give a F… damn. Someone I don’t know ate a meal – or at least took and published photos, before going back to the anorexia clinic??! I’ve got a real life – with perogies, and a good book.
- What is your favorite thing to put chocolate sauce on?
I’m not sure yet. Research is still ongoing. It’s quicker and easier to compile a short list of where it shouldn’t go. So far, it shouldn’t go on Caesar salad, or nachos. 😉
- Doctors were all wrong…humans don’t need water. What do they need?
Many need a slap upside the head. Find it almost impossible to drink eight glasses of water a day?? But eight beers go down quick and easy. More??! You want more??!
- Dolphins are not mammals. What are they?
They are NFL football players for the Miami team. Even close visual inspection does not reveal whether they are demons, or space aliens – perhaps both. One of their cousins – Herschel Walker – was a Cowboy, a Giant, a Viking, and an Eagle, before he became the worst type of animal, a hypocritical, Bible-thumping politician.
Even though he espouses “Family Values,” he has fathered four children with four unwed mothers. Despite ranting about banning abortion, he paid $700 to prevent the birth of a fifth little bastard.
- There is a Lost Dutchman’s Mine, but where is it?
Remember the story of the little Dutch boy who stuck his finger in a hole in a dyke dike, to prevent a flood??! Turns out, he was a lookout and distraction, and the hole was a concealed keyhole that opened a carefully camouflaged door. The mine does not yield gold or silver, just scads of hydroponically grown tulips, tons of Gouda and Edam cheese that fell off the back of a truck, and wooden shoes, with a few Dutch Uncles as supervisors.