Senior Texting Comedy

Teens have their texting codes (LOL, TMI, OMG, TTYL, etc.).

Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD – At the Doctor’s

BFF – Best Friend’s Funeral

BTW – Bring the Wheelchair

CBM – Covered by Medicare

CUATSC – See You at the Senior Centre

DWI – Driving While Incontinent

FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW – Forgot Where I Was

FYI – Found Your Insulin

GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA – Got Heartburn Again

IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL – Living on Lipitor

OMMR – On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing.. Can’t get up!

TOT – Texting on Toilet

TTYL – Talk to You Louder

WTP – Where are the Prunes?

WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil

GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

SYAG – See you at the Gathering

***

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.”

The man said “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks,” she said. “I had to kill him with the chair.”

***

An old geezer became bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $$.  So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me??”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: Aaagh!! — “This is Gasoline.”  Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”  Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory; I cannot remember anything,”  Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!!”

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so,” Here’s your $1000 back.” (Giving him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”

😳

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14 thoughts on “Senior Texting Comedy

  1. And how appropriate – the ad below your (be nice, be nice!) um .. dazzling humour is for an Ohio state rep, a Republican with “principles”. Funniest dang joke on the page! (Sorry, SECOND funniest – the Dr. Young/Dr. Geezer bit rocked!)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Archon's Den says:

      Your milage…. uh, ad may vary. They are piped in by local suppliers. The one on my page is a shill to pay more money to buy a bigger, better website from WordPress. 😛

      Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      I’m just composing a post about small-town cops. What do you (and Fresno) do for law enforcement, for things like neighbors with warrants? State troopers? 😕 😳

      Like

      • County sheriffs. who can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. For emergencies like car crashes, we might get the town cops from literally the next town over, about 5-10 minutes away. Mostly, folks didn’t use the fuzz before we arrived, since most have some kind of record – usually drunk driving – and hate police. Hence, I behaved very friendly towards the deputies when I called them, and soon had most of the town intimidated! 😀 (You remember that bit from my school days of BSing authority figures and being believed? Still works! 😉 )

        BTW, it helps that a well-known (and very talkative) town drunk believes I’m a made man with the Mafia….

        Like

      • Archon's Den says:

        John…. You and your (Sometimes imaginary) history continue to amaze me.
        I know what you mean about almost every resident having a record/hating cops. That gang that T and I met, over at the gas station/corner store/town hall/dead school, before we got to your place, all looked a little dodgy. 😳

        Like

      • And the sad thing is, those folk at the gas station/Kwik-E-Mart in the defunct school are the higher levels of Fresno society…

        Don’t ask me why Larry (the drunk) thinks I’m mafia. Guess it’s because I’m from Chicago?

        BTW, my Business Economics teacher in college WAS ex-mafia. A teacher driving an S-class Mercedes (his “going away” present) and wearing BEAUTIFUL suits got some of us curious, and one evening we started chatting him up. He was an accountant who decided to “go straight” and teach. In exchange for his silence, he got the car and his wardrobe. And, we suspected, he might’ve “skimmed” on the job, if you know what I mean. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Archon's Den says:

        😎 Yeah, I know….

        Like

  2. Newbloggycat says:

    ((((Still laughing))) Best Friend’s Funeral 😝👻 Lol..thot it’s living on liquor 😉😜. Oops..she killed him with a chair! Whoa she’s great! 🤪👻😎

    Like

  3. Rivergirl says:

    Ha! Great group. But those senior texts slayed me…
    🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    Got my laughs for the morning! Excellent.

    Liked by 1 person

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