Addicted To One-Liners

Extra!  Extra!  Getcher bonus edition of jokes here!

I’m addicted to seaweed….
….I must seek kelp.

I love the idea of shutting up….
….I just don’t think it’s for me.

Always give 100%….
….unless you’re donating blood.

Just baked a synonym bun….
….just like the ones grammar used to bake.

Want to hear a joke?  Sleep….
….Yeah, I don’t get it either.

A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle….
….I guess they were having an AA-meeting.

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction….
….My money’s on Dave.

My struggle with steroid addiction….
….has only made me stronger.

My friend told me he was worried about his guitar playing addiction…
….I told him to calm down and not to fret.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants….
….Guess I won’t be needing those anymore.

I’ve been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years….
….I keep telling people I’m trying to quit cold turkey, but nobody is taking me seriously.

If your phone doesn’t ring….
….it’s me.

No-one is more full of shit….
….than a parent who just said maybe.

In the insomnia Olympics….
….you snooze – you lose.

Monday is the beginning of Diarrhea-Awareness Week….
….It runs till Friday.

My wife claimed that 40 is the new 30….
….Lovely woman….banned from driving.

Iron Man stops the bad guys….
….Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

I sent my hearing aids out for repair three weeks ago….
….I haven’t heard anything since.

A yawn is….
….a silent scream for coffee

I never faked….
….a sarcasm in my life.

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8 thoughts on “Addicted To One-Liners

  1. Rivergirl says:

    I’ve never faked a sarcasm either. Life is good.
    😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      😀 😀
      BTW: Is anybody besides me, old enough to get the Cold Turkey joke??! Fifty years ago, an Australian wine company sold cheap wines with odd names, including Cold Duck, and Cold Turkey. I’ve drunk Cold Turkey with my Mom, who kinda liked it.
      When I tried to get an image to insert and explain it, I got a dozen websites about wine, and of course, about quitting drinking (wine) cold turkey. 😳

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Newbloggycat says:

    (((((Still laughing)))) I need kelp and a synonym bun! 😝😂🤣👻

    Like

  3. Never joke with a guy who has ED…
    You can’t get a rise out of him.

    I miss the CTA. It was an EL of a train.

    People always talked about how noisy life was around O’Hare airport, but I never heard anyone complain.

    People claim I can’t love my Z-24 because I have a Cavalier attitude.

    I thought I was in love with re-enacting, but I guess I was just shooting blanks.

    Okay, enough for now. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. […] This Archon’s Den post was funny to me (as was this one). Here are a few one-liners from the first post: […]

    Like

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