A Spun Fibbing Friday

Last week, Pensitivity101 asked, ‘So, what spin can you put on the following?’

  1. What are fish nets?

They are the piscatorial equivalent to the human Interwebz.  They are constructed using fiber-optic lines, so that water doesn’t short them out.  To prove that fish are smarter than some people, they don’t have Facebook, Twitter, or Tik-Tok.

2. What is a teddy?

He’s my emotional support animal.  He’s so cool that he has his own diminutive teddy – although the little traitor drinks Coke, instead of the proper Pepsi.

3. What is cross stitch?

So….  I stumbled over the dog’s new chew toy, startling him, so that he jumped against my ankles, completing my fall.  I banged my forehead on the corner of the coffee table, and bled like a stuck pig, but I was more than irked when the wife insisted that we spend almost five hours in the hospital Emergency department, waiting for some young intern to apply one suture, and a drop of Krazy-Glue.

4. What is a basque?

This is when you can finally afford to holiday in the French Riviera, and you decide that you will return to Old Blighty with a tan, or die trying.  So you risk offending the Gods of Cancer, and slather on sunblock lotion like you own an oil well, and lie out in the sun until you sizzle and crackle like a haddock filet in a fish and chips shop.

5. What are daps?

They are a series of quick, almost subliminal actions that a young female performs to entice and arouse the interest of a suitable male – a hypersonic application of lip gloss, two damp fingertips rapidly redefining already carefully plucked and shaped eyebrows, a tug on bra straps to nicely display her best points.  Older women don’t generally care that much.  Often, they’re searching for the human equivalent of roach powder or termite poison.

6. What are culottes?

They are slices of lean veal or pork, that I dip in egg, coat with breadcrumbs, and fry in olive oil.

7. What are pedal pushers?

Guys who sell stolen bicycles.

8. What are trews?

They are a Canadian soft-pop band who advertise as being rock and roll, when the closest they get to Rock is in the Bentwood on the front porch.

9. What is a gym slip?

It’s an excuse note, from the school office or nurse, to the P. E. teacher, explaining that female students may sit out the physical class while they have their Monthlies.

10. What is a feather cut?

During the Middle Ages, paper did not exist, so scribes didn’t get paper cuts on thick, soft vellum, but if they weren’t careful, they could get a nasty gash while using a dull knife to carve their quills.

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9 thoughts on “A Spun Fibbing Friday

  1. Good stuff! I like Spun Fibbing! 😁

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Gym slip – what you do in dress shoes, while short-cutting through the athletic facility to get to choir practise. See also – how to make a tenor hit a note most sopranos can’t.

    By the by, I should’ve introduced you to our white, co-branded teddy bear. He was a display model holding the actual, about 8″ bears, but he is taller than my wife (not too hard, I’ll grant you). We found him in an outlet store, and I told her she could have him if she could carry him to the register, certain she wouldn’t be able to. Joke’s on me! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Archon's Den says:

      I took our unmatched pair to see Cordelia’s Mom, in Buffalo, before we hit the Oregon trail to your place. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Our guy doesn’t travel – he’s too dang big! We did travel with stuffies before my world collapsed – one time we were headed into Canada with our Subaru wagon, the back loaded with a bunch of our faves on top of our luggage, got a really surly border guard who was about to inspect the car, leaned out the booth and looked in the back, quickly handed our papers back and whispered “You guys have a great time!” and waved us through. It was a good thing, too – under the stuffies and cargo was a whole load of swords (why we had them escapes my memory at the moment). Imagine how THAT inspection would’ve gone! 😯

        Liked by 1 person

  3. #1 and #3 cracked me up this week. Great answers. Thanks for playing along.

    Liked by 1 person

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