Call Screening One-Liners

Can I call you back….
….in a few beers?

There are two ingredients in trail mix….
….M&Ms – and disappointment.

I’m getting WAYYY too comfortable….
….looking this ugly all the time.

Follows diet.  Diet doesn’t follow back….
….Unfollow diet.

Vegans, if you’re trying to save the animals….
….stop eating their food.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but….
….if it runs out, I’ll drink the red.

Your debt will stay with you….
….if you can’t budge it.

My new stair-lift….
….is driving me up the wall.

I prefer my kale….
….with a silent K.

If the world didn’t suck….
….we’d all fall off.

He who laughs last….
….didn’t get it.

Forklift operators hate my puns….
….They find them unpalletable.

Procrastination is a dish….
….served eventually

When I get a headache, I take two aspirins….
….and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.

Your call is important to us….
….so here’s a 40 minute flute solo

I heard the word “icy” is easy to spell….
….Looking at it now, I see why.

I just can’t handle….
….automatic doors.

I once worked in a cheap pizza joint to get by….
….I kneaded the dough.

If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed….
….If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.

Why don’t you ever see the headline….
….Psychic wins lottery?

Reading can seriously damage….
….your ignorance.

14 thoughts on “Call Screening One-Liners

  1. When I was doing computer trouble reporting, I always related to revolving doors. I always had the same idiots making my head spin.

    Stop-and-go traffic in Chicago is a half-truth. (I’ll let YOU figure out which half! 😀 )

    I keep hitting the Escape key on my computer, but I’m still here…..

    I’d say have a good day, but it’s already tomorrow, unless it’s yesterday, in which case ….. Aw, hang it. Good night everybody!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rivergirl says:

    Disappointment should be the first ingredient listed in trail mix.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. […] this post comes this pearl of […]

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I just realised, long before it was cool, I had a Vegan diet. I ate whatever I could fit in my Vega. Then I didn’t care anymore, ’cause I developed a Cavalier attitude. :p 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I laughed out loud at the flute solo joke. I turned 60 last month, and for some inexplicable reason, I am trying to sign up for an online graduate school class. Needless to say, I have been making a lot of tedious phone calls, often featuring “interesting” musical offerings.

    Liked by 1 person

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