I’ve found that running is a great way to meet new people….
….Unfortunately, they’re paramedics.
That has too much cheese on it….
….said no-one, ever!
That little scrolly thing to pick the year I was born….
….is getting pretty far.
I learn from the mistakes….
….of people who took my advice.
Denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance….
….the 5 stages of waking up.
I’m at the point in life where….
….running errands counts as going out.
Why does the radio stop to tell you….
….that they play non-stop music?
What does a panda cook with?….
….A pan – Duh!
Hyphenated /Non-hyphenated….
….The irony.
If I had a DeLorean, I would probably drive it….
….from time to time.
I react to the word “Tacos”….
….the same way dogs react to the word “Walk.”
Nothing is more difficult than trying to….
….discipline the “You” out of Your child.
A bossy guy walks into a bar and….
….orders everyone a round.
You don’t realize how many people you don’t like….
….until you have to name a baby.
If a bag is non-resealable….
….it contains one serving.
Back in my day, panic buying was….
….when the bartender yelled ‘Last call.’
75% of arguments start….
….because someone hasn’t eaten yet.
Is there ever a day when….
….mattresses aren’t on sale?
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated….
….but can’t pronounce it.
Introverts unite! Separately….
….in our own homes.
If you want to impress me with your vehicle….
….it better be a food truck.
It’s time to switch out my regular anxiety….
….for my festive, holiday anxiety.
Fitting into my clothes after Christmas….
….is going to be the real holiday miracle.
Archon's Den 