What Does That Say About You?

The following people were arrested for assault on the English language, and possession of more than 2 grams of Redneck speech.


I could smell the odor of petroleum esthers – a Jewish queen tells me they’re esters.

Pretend to swipe and glide through the air – Pretend you read the script, and it’s swoop.

Leaving Christian tracks on the vending machines – lines of holy fingerprints, leading to printed tracts

Waited for the nurse to hove into view – Sorry, Mr. Pretentious, hove is the past tense of heave.

Japanese gun deaths at 0.001 percent per 100,000 population vs. American gun deaths at 13.7 percent per 100,000 population – just one superfluous word killed a lot of extra people.

GMO foods cause a sleuth of medical problems – Sherlock Holmes tracked down the word slew.

A lack of nurses has only exasperated the problem – I am exasperated that you don’t know exacerbated.

The searcher found a cash of coins – Coins are cash, but he found a cache.

If you have flu symptoms please corn teen yourself – with a dictionary.


I am a bonified, card-carrying lesbian – but not a bona fide dictionary-carrying linguist.  I didn’t think that lesbians got bonified.  😳

Fake meat, made in a peach tree dish – Julius Petri will have some of that meat in his dish.

My sir name is Hendrix – and my madam name is surname.

Who blead the weak into poverty – They’re probably weak because they bleed.

I marched all over the play to find the culprit – and found him with Shakespeare, in the place that had the English textbook.

My family should know that buy now – I don’t buy that spelling of by.

A blue band on the ship’s haulHaul out the dictionary, and look up ‘Hull.’

Synonym rolls, just like grammar used to make – I can’t swallow that phrase.

Someone stole my car’s catholic converter – Have the priest pray that you’re not fined.

He was under the rest for stealing – and for arrested English development.

The government is letting in Muslims and referees – Yeehaw!  Hockey Night in Canada!

1.5 Cu/ft. Michael Wave for sale – Hi, Mike.  Could you nuke my leftovers, please?

Flying saucers are just an optical conclusionDoctor, My Eyes Is that more wrong with one, or two?  One, or two?

Elon Musk berst in to (sic) the press conference – I’ve got nothing for that, but Musk is his own smart-ass comment.  Just ask his seventh son, X Æ a-Xii – (When he gets out of therapy)

This is a courtecy note – Scammers should have the courtesy to spell it correctly.

Why can’t I do it?  My best guest – has a guess that it’s just writers’ cramp.

It amounts to chop change – Don’t be a chump, get it right

Black people were bread to be laborers – I think they were more meat than bread.

Free woshing masheen – comes with Spellchecker

His redneck neighbor has a was Maxine – with no Spellchecker

Chair has scuff Mark’s on front – probably from that woshing masheen


16 thoughts on “What Does That Say About You?

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Off with my head….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      My head has been a little off my entire life, but I still spotted these. Spell Check and Grammar Check should have helped. My draft was littered with wavy red underlines. 🙄


  2. Gotta admit, those were pretty awful. Mostly around here, it’s confusion of “you and me” for “you and I”, and a lot of dangling participles. 😯 The best misspell I ever encountered came from a friend’s job, working for a used car rag for buying and selling. One twerp was selling an 80s Camaro – he spelled it “Camero”. My buddy and I counted it up, and on that particular car, there were SEVEN places on the outside and inside where the full word Camaro was spelled out – correctly. And this was in a fairly high-class suburb of Chicago with good schools. Guess they forgot to teach reading….

    And I can tell you from experience, a lack of nurses is both exasperating AND exacerbating! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Archon's Den says:

      I know! Aggravating, ain’t it?? I see signs in supermarkets. With a pile of a thousand jars of Ragu staring them in the face, they make up a sale sign that says Raggoo! 🙄
      I’m making up a lie truth for Fibbing Friday, about your current community. Should I name it?? Or just go generic, to preserve your secret identity?? 😕


      • You might want to go generic, just to avoid confusion with the California city of the same name. If you need the local geography, just call it Coshocton – we’re technically a suburb of that major urban centre of what, 15,000 folks? My former hometown of Wood Dale, Illinois, was a “tiny” suburb of Chicago, and it was far more densely developed and had more than twice as many people!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Archon's Den says:

        Probably for the best. 🙂 I’ll just put nameless you in vaguely Southern Ohio. 😎


      • Oh my God, EASTERN Ohio! Remember Frank of afrankangle? I once stated I lived in SE Ohio, and Frank carefully explained that this area is considered eastern Ohio, NOT southern, and it’s technically eastern central Ohio, as eastern Ohio is only used for areas where you can walk to the Pennsylvania/West Virginia border. (Ah yes, nitpicky, ain’t they? 😀 )

        Best not to invoke the ire of true Buckeyes. They might put their heads together and try to come up with a thought …. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Archon's Den says:

        And I was just going to ask you if Frank ever made an attempt to contact you. As a teacher, he was expected to be a bit pedantic. Immediately before reading this, I looked up the meaning of his surname. (not sir name) It means “spin me around” – so he can be excused for being a little spun. 🙄


      • Naw, he was totally cool about it. He just didn’t want me offending others by calling this SE Ohio. He has a tremendous amount of knowledge, levels far above mine but not about WW2, his seemed to extend from immediate post-WW2 through the 60s. (That’s as far as we got to talk about, the one day he came to visit.) I should look him up (again) at his new site, I’m just …. leery about getting onto too many blogs, and having it obsess me like it did several years ago. Heck, I’m having enough trouble coming up with sufficient enthusiasm to restart my resurrected site! (2 cats and a dog across less than 3 weeks still hurts big-time, especially the dog.)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Rivergirl says:

    I have to admit I stopped reading after the first batch. They made my brain hurt.
    Or hurted as they would say…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Daniel Digby says:

    I hate to admit it, but you sent me to the dictionary — twice. I had no idea what a blead or a berst was. However, in Definitions.Net, which gives every possible definition, that blead means: “Did you actually mean bleat or bleed?”.

    I wanted to tell you that I see Christians walking on vending machines every day, and their tracks are easy to spot.

    And I would feel very uncomfortable riding in a car with a Catholic converter or being a bonified lesbian.

    Thanks again for an education.

    Liked by 1 person

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