Since pensitivity101’s security clearance is higher that Top Secret, she was recently asked to be a charlady at an International Committee Conference on Averting Needless Travel Expenses from Unnecessary Conferences, held in beautiful Blechly-on-Stench. She came out of the men’s washroom with a double-handful of foreign words that she invites us to fib about. Since they’re politicians’ words, and already coated with lies, no-one may notice.
- What is an abbozzo?
This is a term that I learned from my bent-nose, ex-co-worker, Melvin Goombah. It is the giant hug I give someone when they buy me a calzone. I could show you a sketch that a street artist did of me embracing someone who did.
- What does it mean to absquatulate?
I don’t know, but I’m getting my ass out of here as soon as possible, before anyone discovers that my vocabulary is not as broad as I claim it is – and I’m takin’ the petty cash with me for travel expenses.
3. What is a biggin?
She’s probably not talking about my well-endowed uncle, Ivor Biggin. I’ll have to put on my thinking cap about this one. It might even be a benefit to take a short nap. I’ll probably sleep like a baby after I have a hot toddy.
4. What is a daedalist?
I am soooo… glad that it has nothing to do with the Catholic Church pedophile scandal. That’s about diddleists. He’s a competitor in the Tour d’Estonia bicycle race. It doesn’t get the interest and coverage that the Tour de France does. Estonia being much smaller than France, the entire race is usually over in less than 47 minutes.
5. What is gamophobia?
It is a fear of romantic involvement or marriage. I thought I had it once, but my girlfriend assured me I didn’t, and that we were getting married. And I wasn’t even pregnant!!?
6. What is a holm?
Holm is the Swedish name for a string of hospices where aging actors and actresses live at the end of their careers and their lives. For extra humidity, to help moisten their lungs, they are often built down on river flats. Both Celeste Holm, and Sir Ian Holm have stayed at one.
7. What is jettatura?
Obnoxious words and phrases evolve to hide their objectionable backgrounds. In the US, nigger became Negro, and then Black, Colored, and finally, African-American. So too, has Monied Society become the Idle Rich, Glitterati, and the Jet Set, and, at last, Jettatura, a Portuguese term that hides the fact that they’re still lighting $100 cigars with $100 bills, and carrying Gucci purses and Hérmes scarves worth an average family’s annual income.
8. What is a keffel?
The things I learn at my Eurofood store!! While they concentrate on European comestibles, they told me that a keffel is a type of Nigerian pancake, made with flour from ground-up crickets. It is best, served with poinsettia-jelly.
9. What is meant by labtebricole?
To B, or not to B?? Turns out that it’s not two Bs. Someone was a tad generous with the consonants. The word is preferably spelled LATEBRICOLE. That’s something that I discovered when I emerged from my hermit cave – my Osama bin Laden spider-hole – to get good enough Wi-Fi reception to research it.
10. What is a lacuna?
Apparently, there’s a hole – a gap – in my language knowledge, as big as the one in Terry Thomas’ teeth.