Dirty To Fibbing Friday

The last of the career diplomats having finally vacated their all-expenses-paid, five-star Conference on how to waste taxpayers money, pensitivity101 was able to sweep up another list of esoteric words for us to test our imaginations on.

  1. What are you if you are Mabsoot?
    CONFUSED!!!
    One translation program says that it means extendedness – like a family clan – in Urdu.
    One claims that, in Arabic, or Hebrew slang, it means a happy person. Another insists that it means a life-lesson and challenge. We would have to know just which delegate spewed this gem out.  Was it a Little-Sheet-Head Camel-Chaser pull-start, or a curry-flavored, forehead-dotted push-start??
  2. What does it mean to nidificate?

That’s the scientific term for the Nesting Instinct that some pregnant women get.  What is the Nesting Instinct? It is the name given to the distinctive urge to clean, tidy, and organize that occurs during pregnancy. One of the many pregnancy symptoms that they experience, the nesting instinct generally kicks in around the fifth month of pregnancy, however it can also occur much earlier or much later.  Of course, some women have that instinct all the time.  A chocolate box, and a chocolate Lab dog, are better companions and conversationalists, than a lot of men.

  1. What is a pabouch?

It is a baby, or the way a baby was carried by Indigenous American women as they performed little, day-to-day tasks, that didn’t involve being big man around the teepee.  Everything old is new again, so many modern women are using the same system, although I expect the Woke/Cancel Culture Vultures to soon start carping about Cultural Appropriation.

  1. What is quab?
    It’s the sound that a Danish duck makes. It’s a matter of accent. Norwegian ducks, like the one that Hagar the Horrible owns, pronounce it ‘kvack.’
  2. What is tacenda?
    It’s the new Iceland/Thai fusion food. Essentially, it’s a Sno-Cone with hot sauce.
  3. What does it mean to be ulotrichous?
    It’s a recently-coined neologism describing the actions and attitudes of the newly-formed Woke/Cancel Culture Thought Police. It is being judgmental and Holier-than-thou, with a side order of time travel. Remember when your teacher threatened that, “This will go on your permanent record!”??!  Well, it’s all coming true!  People are being tried, convicted, and sentenced in Star Chamber, kangaroo-courts of public opinion, of 1984-style thought-crimes – things they wrote and said, decades ago, before learning better, and changing.  😯
  4. What is waftage?
    It is a measure of how far and fast a bean and jalapeno burrito fart will spread in a closed room. If the dog gets up and glares at you, and your girlfriend’s eyes are teary, even if you’re not watching Eat, Pray, Love, you have good ventilation.
  5. What does it mean to yaff?
    That is a type of left-handed Lithuanian, or inverse, knitting, where the pattern appears on the inside. It’s not as pretty, but it is claimed to be warmer. Do not confuse this with TINK – which is KNIT backwards – where you have to rip out about 26 rows, because you made a mistake back there, and if you don’t go back to correct it, Aunt Eileen’s jumper is going to end up looking like a Moebius Strip.
  6. What is to yuke?
    To yuke is to play the uke, or ukulele. When exploring European sailing ships began stopping at the Hawaiian Islands, individual sailors sometimes traded hand-made, miniature 4-string guitars, or lutes, to the natives.

Sadly, they usually didn’t stay around long enough to explain about tuning them.  The natives developed a slack-sting playing style.  Like the oboe (below), and the Chinese two-string bowed banjo, they produce an eardrum-piercing, atonal cacophony, only exceeded when Fran Drescher played The Nanny.

  1. What is zabaglione?

It is a Music College in Parma, Italy, where the only instrument they teach is the mournful oboe.  I don’t know how much career opportunity there is in always being ‘The Duck’ in the Peter and the Wolf Symphony.  The rest of the orchestra claim that they use the oboe to tune up to.  I think they’re just trying to drown out that awful noise.

Poles Apart

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.
Voltaire

America is lost, because of all the things that America already has lost – empathy, acceptance, sympathy, good manners, ego control, anger management, social justice, patience, understanding, and public civility and discourse.

It has become a nation of whining, exclusionist, pushy, cancel-culture, entitled, thugs.  The attitude is everywhere – in politics, religion and day-to-day social interaction.  The give-and-take is all gone, replaced by take! take! take!  They advocate #MeToo, but it’s all Me, Me, Me!

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

No-one takes the time to consider others as individuals, especially ones with valid opinions of their own.  Everyone else is just reduced to labels.  It is far easier to shout names at people, than it is to critically think.  Tribalism runs rampant.

Woke: a selfish ridiculous attitude towards anything, by people who feel undervalued and have the need to express themselves obnoxiously without regard for others.

Their guiding principal is “never let a crisis go to waste.”  Only in times of a pandemic, a national quarantine, or volatile race relations, can the new, upscale, leftist revolutionaries use fear to push through policies that no-one could stomach in normal times.

They hate dissent.  They try to destroy anyone who questions their media-spun hoaxes.  Truth is their enemy, and fear is their weapon.  George Orwell warned about 1984.  It’s a little late, but 1984 is upon us.

A hundred years ago, politicians referred to members of other parties as, The Honorable Member, or, The Respected Mister ….  They were Opponents – equals; they just didn’t want to do things ‘our way.’   Soon though, Honor and Respect disappeared.  Those who had been Opponents, became Adversaries.  In the 1960s and ‘70s, Adversaries became Enemies.  There’s no Go along, to get along.  Death threats are now the accepted form of political statement.

Over at the Temple of Peace, Love, and Acceptance, things aren’t any better.  A Christian College has been denied accreditation as a school by the Department of Education, rendering any diplomas invalid.  Their publicly posted mission statement clearly states who they will discriminate against.  An Op-Ed letter quoted the president, saying that he loved everybody, but would not accept that Catholics, Muslims and LGBTQ+ views were truthful, and then ironically demanded equality and fairness.  I was going to fire off a superheated rebuttal, but didn’t, when I realized that I could boil my reply down to two words.  YOU FIRST!!

There’s another Civil War brewing in America.  This time, it won’t be the North against the South – exactly.  It may become a schism between the Red States, and the Blue States, or the Bible Belt against the Quietly Spiritual.  I would hate to see that happen, because the only thing that keeps public culture safely in the middle of the social bell curve, is the fact that each side balances the other out.  If there’s a split, no matter which side you opt for, with the best of intentions, the brakes are off.  It’s a long slide down that slippery slope.

We’ve lost the ability to disagree with one another, without trying to cancel each other out. Woke is the new religion.  Statues come down, and schools must be renamed.  It is the ultimate conceit to apply today’s truths retroactively.   Quite soon, a Theocracy or Oligarchy will form, which will make Nazi Germany or Communist Russia look like a day-spa.  It won’t be pretty, kids.  Be careful what you wish for.  Pandora’s box isn’t quite empty.   😯

WOW #73

Oops! This is the wrong catchpole.

I’d like to introduce you to a fine, upstanding pair of brother-words.  They don’t get out much anymore.  They’ve gone into semi-retirement because of the constant suffusion into everyday English usage, of valley-girl-speak, obvs.

Our protective pair for this week are

CATCHPOLE

and

TIPSTAFF

Catchpole: (formerly) a petty officer of justice, especially one arresting persons for debt.
Tipstaff: a staff tipped with metal, formerly carried as a badge of office, as by a constable.
any official who carried such a staff.

Gone are the days when these boys, and their Italian cousin, Fasces, could implement some social wellbeing by applying a few stripes across a few backs and butts, and some knots on some heads.  (Therefore, knotheads.)

I was gratified by the recent decisions to use riot-geared police, complete with two-foot truncheons, to finally bring an end to both the Ottawa Freedom Convoy, and the Windsor/Detroit bridge blockade.  Police showed remarkable restraint.  They barely had to use their billy-clubs.  I thought that a few more heads could have been cracked, to engender some good manners and social responsibility.

Society is a constant pendulum – from too restrictive, to too lenient.  This current Woke/cancel culture/snowflake – nobody even gets their feelings hurt, much less their ass, or their head – has swung too far into permissive.   I don’t want police beatings in the street, any more than I don’t want guys being shot for driving while black.  But there’s gotta be some workable middle ground.

If I set up a Patreon account, Tipstaff is what you could do.  Until then, I’ll just be happy if you have Uber-Eats deliver another helping of my rants in a couple of days.  😀

Woke Up, Kitchener!

I had hoped that all this Woke Society/Cancel Culture, delusional fad-du-jour would remain in the Excited States.  Alas, t’was not to be.  This is the Information Age, which means that it’s on the internet, and spreading faster than COVID.  It has wafted North across the border, and settled on Canada like wildfire smoke, including in my usually staid, sane-thinking Kitchener.

The first symptom developed a couple of years ago, when a local artist donated a bronze statue of Sir John A. MacDonald, Canada’s first Prime Minister and the one in charge of the beginning of Indian residential schools, where thousands of unmarked graves are only now being found.

A huge fuss was raised to prevent the statue from being put in the big, down-town park.  It eventually was shipped to a small town, ten miles west, where there is an historic mini-mansion.  It was doused with red paint twice, and finally knocked off its pedestal.

More recently, the statue of Queen Victoria in her namesake park has been painted red twice.  While she was mostly a figurehead monarch, apparently she’s being blamed for British colonialism.  A brown-skinned immigrant from India has started a petition to rename the city.  Beginning as ‘Sand Hills,’ it became ‘Ebytown,’ and then Berlin, Ontario.

105 years ago, the woke generation of English-speakers demanded that the town change its name, to show loyalty to Britain during WW I.  The local German burghers didn’t really care.  Victoria, the ‘English’ queen, was actually German nobility, from the House of Saxe-Coburg-Anhalt.

British Lord Kitchener’s name was a last-minute addition to a referendum with six names.  The outstanding feature of the plebiscite was the absolute indifference displayed by the ratepayers.  With about 10,000 voters, (All of them men  😯 ) only 892 bothered to cast a ballot, and the name Kitchener got a plurality of 346.

Kitchener (the man) was not excessively colonialist, or racist.  He was just steeped in the unthinking beliefs of the time and place.  White, British males held a Manifest Destiny to own and control the world.  It is a huge mistake to try to retroactively apply 21st Century morals.

In 1973, Waterloo Lutheran University went public, and adopted the name Wilfrid Laurier University, partly to honor the subject of my Where’s Willy post, and partly so that they could retain the same initials – WLU.

Now there is another petition being circulated to have that name also changed.  True, Willy helped administrate the residential Indian school system which damaged so many Indigenous, but, like Lord Kitchener, he did what he did out of an honest belief that it was in their best interests.

I think that we are taking this name change of streets, cities, schools, etc. way too far.  The past is the past, which we cannot, nor ever will be able to, change.  Really people, this needs to stop.  Move on.  We need to learn from it, not bury it.

I ask the woke folk to take a good look in the mirror, and ask themselves two questions.  “Looking back at your very short existence and past behaviors, is there anything that you now regret doing and would do differently if you had the chance?”  Judge not, lest ye be judged.  Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.  “Second, how did Canada become one of the best counties in the world in which to live?  Could it be because of the leaders of the past – the ones whose contributions and reputations you so eagerly want to tarnish?”

Name changes are not only inconvenient, but are also very costly.  Anything that’s associated with a data-base which contains addresses will be affected.  Passports, drivers’ licences, health cards, property and automobile ownerships, Federal, Provincial and municipal taxes, utilities accounts, postal services, road signs, mapping, GPS – the list goes on and on.

Come on, Snowflakes!  Nowhere in the American or Canadian Constitution are you guaranteed the right not to be offended.  😳