Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!
Marriage is like a deck of cards. When you start out, all you need is a couple of hearts, and a diamond. After a few years though, you’re hoping for a club and a spade.
I called the animal shelter today and told them that I’d found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods. They asked, “Are they moving?” I said, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.
A professor at the University of Oklahoma was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’ Her answer: “He’s probably at the shooting range with his buddies.”
A drunken man with a suitcase and a newspaper arrives at the railway station and sits on a bench near a priest. The drunk takes a bottle of whisky out of his bag, drinks a lot of it and then reads the newspaper quietly. At one point he asks the priest:
“Excuse me, Father; do you know why people get sick with spondylosis?”
“Of course”, the priest answers in a cold and sarcastic courtesy. “The factors that cause spondylosis are: a messy life, the companionship of doubtful-quality women, the excessive consumption of alcohol and tobacco, drunks ending up in brothels… All these lead to spondylosis”.
“Wowww! I would never have believed that…” replies the drunk and then reads his newspaper again.
After the priest thinks for a while at what he said, he again addresses the drunkard, but this time in a gentle tone:
“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to offend you. How long are you sick with spondylosis, my son?”
“Me? No, Father… I’ve never been sick with it. I just read in the newspaper that the Pope is sick with spondylosis…”
A woman was arrested and fined for bringing her own popcorn, candy and soda to a movie theater. The good news is that she came out a few bucks ahead of if she’d bought it all at the snack bar.