Twice Upon A Time, I had 51 completed, composed blog-posts in a word file. Then I accepted a challenge to Blog Every Day in April. Even before the first of the month, my stash had dwindled to about 40. I threatened to include a humor/joke post or two, to pad out the month, perhaps even a whole week of comedy, but I did not do that.
Instead, I plucked d one from here, and one from there on the list. At the end of April I still had 26 posts in my list. Still lots, right??! Then I realized what they were. There was a Fibbing Friday post for each month, until December. That’s 9! Likewise, I had an Atheism vs. Religion post for every month till December. That’s another 9 – total 18!
I had 2 Book Review posts. I could compose another one, but I’m sure my followers don’t want to always read about what I’m reading about. I have a couple of Word Origin/Usage posts, but all word and no play, makes Jack (and Jacquie) unhappy readers.
Until the next load of bullshit is delivered, and splashed onto some pages, I need to keep my fans in good humor. Here’s an extra dollop of funny for this week, and probably another next month. Read ‘em and leap…. to the conclusion that Hump Day is as amusing as Mondays.
Late, Great, One-Liners
Procrastination is the art of….
….keeping up with yesterday.
Don’t be so open-minded….
….that your brains fall out.
He who farts in church….
….sits in his own pew.
God didn’t create anything without a purpose….
….but mosquitoes come close.
Dogs prepare you for babies….
….Cats prepare you for teenagers
I don’t want to brag, but….
….I finished my 14-day diet in three hours.
I have a pen that writes underwater….
….It can write other words, too.
Any salad is a Caesar salad….
….if you stab it enough.
There’s no snooze button on….
….a cat that wants breakfast.
Anyone who doesn’t know what shampoo tastes like….
….has never washed a dog.
If one door closes, and another opens….
….you house may be haunted.
Mix a four-leaf clover with poison ivy….
….and you’ll have a rash of good luck.
The five-second rule does not apply….
….when you have a two-second dog.
There’s a time and place for decaf coffee….
….Never, and in the trash.
Adulting is soup….
….and I am a fork.
Waffles are just pancakes….
Espresso may not be the answer….
….but it’s worth a shot.
What do you call dental x-rays?….
I was trying to make a pun about quicksand….
….but I’m stuck.
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear….
….all to help them to ignore you.
Autocorrect can go straight to he’ll.
Autocorrect has become its own worst enema.
Rhinos are just….
Pigs are magical animals….
….They turn vegetables into bacon.
A lion wouldn’t drive drunk….
….but a Tiger Wood.