Last week’s Fibbing Friday from Pensitivity101 was based on a fictitious major event to which you, the reader, were invited. Below are 10 questions to lie about: Give them your best shot!
- What would you do if you found yourself seated next to a disgraced member of the family?
So, they caught up with you too??! I’ve got a friend who knows how to disable CCTV cameras, but she wants a few bucks. Wanna go halfsies?
2. How would you react if you were subjected to ‘Hatgate’? That is someone with a monstrous hat being seated in front of you.
I would begin by quietly informing her that the Red Hat Society meeting was in the adjacent hall. If that wasn’t successful I would stand up to take photos – six or eight times – ‘accidently’ knocking her millinery masterpiece on the floor. I might even try to assist her putting it back on, and skewer Meh-Damn’s Madame’s ear with a hatpin. It’s too bad that smoking in public has been banned. I Someone might burn her hat and her hair-sprayed coiffure to the ground.
3. Photographs are not allowed, but you have a plan to take pictures………. what is it?
An Etch-A-Sketch – with a pinhole camera in the back.
4. The person on your left has fallen asleep. How would you wake them discreetly?
Wake them??! Hell, I’d use their shoulder as a pillow. If anything resembling ‘exciting’ occurs, I’m sure they’ll notify me – might even make a new friend.
5. The grand entrance occurs and something is not quite right from your point of view. What is it?
The guest of honour, and all support staff, appear to think that I should give a damn. I had six or seven gin and tonic antidotes to that at the local, before I arrived.
6. After the service, it’s time for the buffet. Not quite sure where you’re supposed to go, what do you do?
Me?? Not know where the food is?? Shirley surely you jest, and stop calling me Shirley. Follow my nose – or just follow the rest of the ravening horde.
7. Making small talk over the canapés is awkward. What do you do to make it less so?
Make LARGE talk! Wave my arms – one of which has a full drink. Declaim loudly, and at great length, about what a genius Shakespeare was, and how he must have been a time-traveler, because the psycho-socio-political plot of Hamlet so closely matches the reign of Emperor term of President Trump – until there’s no-one left near the rumaki. I love those little fellows.
8. Time for the Speeches and they seem to go on for hours. What do you do to keep awake?
Count the number of times each speaker uses a phrase like, lay in wait, instead of ‘lie,’ or, I could care less. The loser winner would receive a free, elementary-school English textbook. There should be lots available. Obviously they’re not using them in the schools.
9. You are suddenly asked to say a few words at the podium. How do you react?
The solution is in the challenge. Being a man of few words – I’ve said them. Is the bar open?
10. It has been a tiring experience and you catch 40 winks in a quiet corner. When you wake up, the venue is in darkness. What do you do?
Use my Smart phone to download such songs as Goodnight Irene, The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Sleepwalk, Sweet Dreams, Talkin’ In Your Sleep, and the Everly Brothers’, Wake Up Little Suzie, to pass the time till the janitor comes in to open back up again in the morning. I wouldn’t call the wife, though. I want her to think that I’m having a good time at a bar, or picking up women.